Evanescence
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“We declare war on these foolish imitations of goth-musos with female lead singers!”
~ Nightwish and Lacuna Coil on Evanescence
Evanescence is a body of beliefs and related practices regarding vagueness, its essential message is most often described as "being vague, becoming vague and fading into vagueness." The major organization promoting this code of conduct is officially named Evanescence, though to most people, it is better known as Amy Lee's band or simply Amy [Lynn] Lee (and a few people in the background), other variations have appeared since the beloved leader of the organization married some generally unknown person with the surname "Hartzler".
The organization was founded in Holy Rock, Arkansas in 1995 by Ben Moody. Its primary purpose is to aid humanity in forcefully evolving God and the whole reality, by a process called "reality shifting" or just "shifting". However, in order to realize such a "reality shift", all humans have to erase all mental blocks from their reactive mind, achieving the state of "Vague" and reaching the level of "Evanescence fan". Of course, there is a possible place before "Evanescence fan" & after "Vague". This is called "Within Temptation fan". After her take-over of the operation, the robot form of Amy Lee decided using subliminal music would the best method for spreading her message.
The two most important albums of the band are The Fallen Slut and The Open Whore, both named after the leader of the organization.
Contents |
[edit] The Music
Evanescence, in the beginning, periodically released mediocre songs so as not to blow their cover story. All of the songs sound the same, partially due to the program that renders Amy Lee's voice, partly because the organization isn't very creative but primarily because the group's reports are coded into the music, allowing the data to be decoded by the international members of the organizations. Practicing the lifestyle of a Evanescence fan should probably include cutting yourself, practicing witchcraft and casting spells, drinking blood, and deluding yourself into thinking that vampires actually do exist, and that you are, in fact, one of those noble creatures... not because of the goth image of the band, but rather because their music is an affront to God(zilla) and so could not be the work of a normal person. And besides, you're going to have to replace that blood SOMEHOW, right?
There was trouble in 1736, when the band had an unexpected hit with the song "Bring us to death". Fortunately, nobody who listened to the song bothered to investigate the "band" and their secret was not revealed.
In a recent interview, Amy Lee said that where first album "Fallen" was "a cry for help", second effort "The Open Door" is "a cry for attention". This is shown best in the track "I Lose Control", in which Lee plays on the strengths of previous track "Imagine Me" in a desperate attempt to hide the fact that the song is, well, crap. Yet the most famous song such as "Call me When You're Sober" speak for her own self-indulgence , self-reliant , self-destruct , self-actualization , self-civilization , selfishness, self-sucking, etc.
Third album "I Am So Great" is Lee's childish tantrum after "The Open Door" was exposed for the generic self-obsessed trash it was. First single "Look At Me! Look At Me!" seems to be hundreds of Leebots (as they have become known) spouting gibberish. In fact, playing it backwards reveals the words "I can do everything; I must be God" repeated over and over. Lee has since been arrested for including subliminal messages in music. Or at least, one of her has.
Check out this earlier subliminal message from the band: Snow White Queen Reversed Message. Unlike their later work, this message did not send people on psychopathic killing sprees while wearing Amy Lee masks (later, face transplants were made available).
[edit] How Fans View Evanescence
Evanescence fans, as a rule, take everything that has to do with the band so seriously that global warming and starving children are but mere shadows in their consciousness. Humor is but a memory for the average fan; humor relating to Evanescence does not exist at all. To make any jokes about this group is to incur the wrath of thousands of wild-eyed, blood-covered demons - as well as the formidable LeeBot Army, a fearsome creation by the LeeBot that is being trained for world domination. Hot Topic seems to be the most reliable source for the sheep to gather the goodies from to take part in this domination.
[edit] Religion
The band has said numerous times that they are not Christian. The band actually sees Lacuna Coil as their God which they worship so much they even copied some of their godly aspects. It is also known that Amy Lee sees Lacuna Coil's lead vampiress, Cristina Scabbia, as not only her savior but her idol, attempting to imitate some of her very divine aspects. This of course if not for Cristina Scabbia imitating Amy (Lee) Hartzler to begin with, something that Flyleaf vocalist Lacey Mosley adorns.
[edit] The Hamster
Available for a limited period only, the official "Evanescence Hamster" can be ordered from the band's online store and delivered directly to your desk.
You can select from a limited range of colours:
- Black
- Black
- A slightly different shade of black, but one which is only perceptible to cats
- Black metal
- Now featuring: 48 shades of black!
You can give it any name you like, but it will only answer to "Amy".
- Only 99 left, call 123-456-7890 to order, operators are standing by!
