Enrique Peña Nieto
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Mexicans go to the United States to do the jobs that not even black people want to do.”
|Enrique Peña Nieto|
Notice the striking resemblance to Mitt Romney.
57th President of Mexico
|Assumed office||1 July, 2012|
|Right-hand man||Carlos Salinas de Gortari|
|Preceded by||Felipe Calderón|
|Born|| July 20, 1966|
Atlacomulco, State of Mexico
|Died|| October 14, 2012|
North Atlanctic Ocean (aged 46)
|Spouse||Angélica "La Gaviota" Rivera (2010–death)|
|Children||Princess Paulina "I hate commoners" Peña Pretelini|
|Alma mater||University of Phoenix (Online degree)|
|Profession||Book Club President|
|Awards||Book Reader of the Year|
Enrique Peña Nieto (in English: Henry Boulder Grandson; July 20, 1966 – October 14, 2012) was a writer, published author, scholar, scientist, physicist, inventor, doctor, engineer, linguist, college professor, philanthropist, and also a part-time politician and President-elect of Mexico from July 1, 2012 to October 14, 2012.
Peña Nieto was best known by his stage name El Copetón or El Copetes (in English: The Pompadour) , a reference to his John Travolta's Danny Zuko-from-Grease hairstyle. Due to copyright infringement, Peña Nieto was unable to use his stage name outside Mexico and had to make his international public appearances under the name of Gel boy (pronounced: hell-boy in Spanish and jel-boi in English), another reference to his harder-than-an-erection hairdo.
An avid reader and connoisseur of literature of all type and from all over the world, Peña Nieto once publicly admitted that of the thousands of books he has devoured, the Bible, the Dictionary, and the Thomas Guide, were the three books which had made the biggest impact in his life. Given that he was fluent in several languages, he had stated that of the nine languages he spoke, English was favorite, citing that he used to watch and listen to speeches made by former president George W. Bush to improve his diction and syntax.
edit Early life
Peña Nieto was born Heinrich Felsbrocken Enken in West Germany, the illegitimate and bastard son of Carlos Salinas de Gortari and Elva Esther Gordillo, the mother of Chucky. Peña Nieto was the fruit of a night of heavy drinking. At age 14, he moved to Mexico to pursue a career in soap operas. He later met who was to become his wife, Angélica "the Seagull" Pickles. During his college years, he worked as a librarian, it is when and where he develop a passion for books.
Peña Nieto was the official spokesman of Mexico's single-ruling party, the Institutional Revolutionary Party (PRI), which had briefly change its name to National Action Party (PAN) in 2000, as part of an experiment to win back the trust of the Mexican people who had lost their fate in the government. Peña Nieto won the presidential election 90 days prior to Election Day when mainstream media announced that the election had already been decided and there was no need for the public to go to vote.
On 1 July 2012, Peña Nieto was
crowned elected as the new King President of Mexico by electoral fraud direct majority of votes, cheating out defeating the runner-up, Andrés Manuel López Obrador, who gave him the middle finger conceded to Peña Nieto's victory and accused congratulated him for being a cheating bastard fair and honest contender.
For a period of 90 days, Mexico had two presidents: incumbent President Calderón and President-elect Peña Nieto. During this period, President Calderón promised President-elect Peña Nieto full cooperation for a smooth presidential
imposition transition and recognition of the legitimacy of his fraudulent election while Peña Nieto promised Calderón a full pardon and lifetime immunity to honor him for his service and devotion to his country from all the high crimes he committed as President. This practice is known as the President's Code of Honor.
As the new President of Mexico, Peña Nieto had vowed to improve the lives of all Mexicans by asking the United States to help Mexico develop better and more cost-effective methods of exploiting its oil reserves. As part of the deal, Mexico's national oil company, Pemex, would be merge with ExxonMobil to create a much bigger corporation that will benefit not only the people of Mexico but all mankind. As part of his legacy, his successor, his father and also mentor, shall finish what he started.
In order to be eligible to hold the Office of the President in Mexico, he claimed to have been born in the state of Mexico, where he grew up. After heavy pressure from the public and his opponents that he was not a natural-born Mexican citizen, Peña Nieto called President Obama for help. Obama refereed him to a counterfeiting agency operating out of North Korea that specializes in producing authentic imitations of a variety of documents, including vita records. Peña Nieto was able to buy a super birth certificate, similarly to the super dollar, it is a forgery that is 100% identical to its original counterpart.
On October 14, 2012, President Felipe Calderón appeared on national television to inform that the aircraft carrying Mexico's President-elect Enrique Peña Nieto had crashed over the northern Atlantic Ocean. President-elect Peña Nieto was returning home from a four-day trip to Europe where he met with dignitaries of four European countries, including the Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel.
At 3:34am of Sunday morning (Mexico City local time), Fuerza Aérea Uno Más Dos, the president-elect's airplane, a Boeing 757–225, assigned tail number TP-01 by the Mexican Air Force, disappeared from radar three hours and 23 minutes into the flight after having departed from Charles de Gaulle International Airport in Paris, France with 65 passengers and crew.
The aircraft's last position was recorded at approximately 598 miles northeast of St John's, Newfoundland, Canada. A search-and-rescue team along with fighter jets were dispatched from St. John's International Airport and nearby Royal Canadian Air Force base. Two hours later, fighter pilot reported to have discovered what appeared to be wreckage of the downed presidential air transport.
Search-and-rescue first to arrive to the wreckage recovered what they believe was the body of the President-elect. He was still strapped to his seat floating with part of the fuselage. While he had not been officially identified by Mexican authorities, his identity and fate was suspected almost immediately due to a distinctive device he had attached to his wrist. The nature of this device was not disclosed but it is believed to be an electronic device worn by VIPs as part of their security detail. 12 other bodies were immediately recovered as well.
The body of Enrique Peña Nieto was buried at sea as soon as possible and the government of Mexico refused to released a picture of his remains to avoid making a martyr of him. President Calderón informed that since the Constitution of Mexico does not establish a Vice President, he would continue to assume the Presidency until 2018.