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“We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.”
~ George W Bush on Energy

Energy is a way of determining whether you're up for it or not. Measured in nergs, your energy scales from 0 to 100 nergs. 0 nergs means you're dead, 100 nergs means you're irritating the hell out of everyone with your preppy sporty 'I can do anything me' attitude.

Most people have around 20-30 nergs available at any one time. This is sufficient energy to walk to the kitchen and grab a coffee and a biscuit, but not enough to take the rubbish out. Doctors agree that using too much energy is likely to cause tiredness and flatulence.

Interestingly, Energy values of 0.01 nergs have been recorded in teenagers slumped in front of the television watching Friends. At this point its very hard to tell whether they are dead or alive.

Movement of Energy

It moves around in magic flying pumpkins that grow over the river and through the woods, that same trail where grandma's house is. -Noah Beukelman

Energy in Physics

As a general rule particles of any system are encouraged to conform to the configuration that implies the lowest energy for a system. Fermions and bosons remain subject to this ruling, but in the 1830s Michael "The Buzz" Faraday conducted experiments manipulating these particles, prompting agitators to form a splinter group, the Mysterons.

Such particles will tend to the highest possible energy state available to the system, flaunting numerous physical laws and just generally disrupting the neighbourhood. They are suspected to be the cause of spontaneous combustion, ball lightning, and Australian football. A prominent physicist of limited flexibility claiming the title Captain Scarlet has devoted his present studies into containment and control of these rebel particles.

Types of Energy

Traditionally there was thought to only be two types of energy: Bruce Campbell Energy and Bruce Lee Energy(found to be the strongest, most powerful energy in existance and could not be able to be contained in a puny human body). Later, two new types of energy (kinetic energy and potential energy) were discovered by the Ancient Greek computer analyst Anhax0rgoras. In 1998, further experimentation done by Nintendo of America proved the existence of Fighting, Fire, Grass, Lightning, Psychic, Water, Dark, and Metal energy.

Here are all known energy types to date:

Traditional Energies

Kittenic Energy, GPE (Gravy Potential Energy), APE (Arrogant Prick Energy), CNE (Bruce Lee Energy), CNN, BCE (Bruce Campbell Energy), Matrix Energy, Heat Magazine Energy, K'nextric Energy,


Fighting, Fire, Grass, Electricity / Lightning, Psychic, Water, Dark, Steel / Metal, Light, Normal, Pikachu Rocks Energy,

Stupid stuff proven wrong

Normal Potential Energy

Left over Energy

Left over energy flys into the sky using DC8's the EVIL lord Xenu infests with evilness. George W Bush claims it goes to Heaven, but this is only true of Nucyoolar Energy (a type of Arrogant Prick Energy). Many of Iraq's leftover WMDs flew to Heaven this way.

See also

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