End of The Affair
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Essentially, the only reason for its existence is to further depress high school English students. It is a story of hate, love, affairs, and a lot more hate, and even includes some sort of complicated evil-death-relationship-love-hate-wife-husband-lover-triangle-matrix things found in most modern sitcoms. For his masterful work of art, Graham Greene received a Nobel Prize in literature under a new category: Most Likely Cause of Depression and Suicide Among High Schoolers.
edit Major Characters
- Maurice (Bentdick) Bendrix: The protagonist and narrator of the story. He is essentially the cause of all of the problems in the novel, so he is really more like the antagonist but whatever. He had an affair with Sarah Miles.
- Sarah (slutty whore) Miles: A beautiful "married" slut, Sarah Miles has had numerous sexual affairs with a plethora of different men, essentially taking everyone and anyone who has a pulse and an erect penis.
- Henry (stupid shit) Miles: Essentially a naive dumb ass who can't get it up, Henry remains oblivious to Sarah's numerous sexual encounters. Pretty much his only reason for existing is to make everyone else in the novel feel less stupid.
- Albert and Lancelot Parkis: Albert Parkis is a private detective who is hired by Bendrix to stalk Sarah for him when he is busy.
- Richard (fucked-up cheek) Symthe: Richard is a rationalist atheist speaker with some weird ass skin condition on his cheek. He tries to have an affair with Sarah but even she is turned off by his fucked-up cheek.
edit Plot Summary
The novel begins with some guy named Bendrix talking about how he hates stuff. He used to have an affair with Sarah but Sarah like dumped him or some shit and so Bendrix is sad. Henry calls him and is like dude come over I think Sarah is like doing stuff behind my back and Bendrix is like oh shit I had an affair with Sarah but then again who hasn't.
So Bendrix goes over to Henry's house and Henry's like dude some guy called Mr. Savage owns like a private detective business thing and Bendrix is like so and Henry is like so I wanna spy on Sarah to make sure she's not having an affair and Bendrix is like well she's my slut so he agrees to go to Mr. Savage for Henry because Henry is a little scared bitch.
So then Bendrix goes to Mr. Savage and is like sup Savage and Savage is like sup Henry cuz he thinks Bendrix is Henry cuz Bendrix went for Henry cuz Henry's a little scared bitch. So Bendrix is like dude I need someone with absolutely no morals or ethics and has no problem taking his ten year old son to go stalk some slutty chick who will most likely have loads and loads of sex while his ten year old son is watching and Savage is like I have just the man his name is Albert Parkis. So Bendrix is like cool sounds good.
So then Sarah calls Bendrix and is like dude let's have sex I mean lunch I’m sorry I can't get sex out of my head for even one second and Bendrix is like ha ha vagina. So he agrees. So Bendrix is all like horny at the restaurant and is like ha ha boobies and Sarah is like let’s talk about Henry. Bendrix is like uuurrrggghhh fuck you bitch but whatever I can't get a girlfriend so I’ll take whatever I can get. Then Bendrix and Sarah go home and DON'T HAVE SEX BECAUSE BENDRIX IS A DUMB ASS.
So then so then Albert Parkis comes over and is like dude here's my report and like tells Bendrix about the lunch Sarah had with this mysterious guy and Bendrix is like you dumbfuck that was me at lunch and Parkis is like sorry I didn't notice you I was too busy looking at Sarah’s breasts and Bendrix is like that's okay so was I.
So then like Bendrix has like some flashbacks to when he and Sarah were still having an affair. One of the flashbacks is when like Sarah and Bendrix are getting it on and like a German V2 rocket like hits the building they're doing the dirty dirty in and like a door falls on top on Bendrix and Sarah thinks he's dead but he's not and when he comes out from under the door and says k so where were we Sarah is like holy shit your still alive and Bendrix is like duh you dumb whore and Sarah is like don't call me names that aren't true I’m not dumb. And Bendrix is like whatev fuck you you average intelligence whore. So then Bendrix stops flashbacking and comes back into the present.
In the meanwhile Parkis has like stolen Sarah’s diary and is like ha ha a girl touched this diary I’ll bet its full of stories about sex and Bendrix is like no fuck you go away and Parkis is like k. So then Bendrix like reads the diary. The diary basically says that Sarah loved Bendrix all along and still loves him and that she visited some crazy ass guy who was like giving speeches and like when he turned around she saw that he had a fucked-up cheek and then like went to his house cuz she was horny as hell and thought whatever fuck it I’ll close my eyes. But when she got there she couldn't get his fucked-up cheek out of her mind so they just talked and didn't "make love."
So then Sarah has this really long retarded rambling series of diary entries about love and God and shit and then pretty much spontaneously decides she believes in God and wants to be a Catholic. So then like Bendrix is like dude she still loves me and like calls her and is like I stole your diary but it’s okay I love u to. And Sarah’s like well I don't really care u stole my diary and I love u too and Bendrix is like we should runaway and get like married and stuff and Sarah is like no I feel guilty that Henry is a limpdick dumbass so Ima stay with him and Bendrix is like fuck u I’m horny so I’m coming over there right now and Sarah is like no fuck you and Bendrix is like yes and Sarah is like no and Bendrix is like lalalalalalalala I can't hear u I’m coming over now and hangs up.
So then like Bendrix like walks over there and like sees Sarah leaving and like follows her but because of his lame leg (which apparently he has) he loses her. Then he like looks around for her and is like duh church. So then he likes go into the church and she's there and he's like come on and she's like no and he's like pretty please with a cherry on top and she’s like no fuck off and she leaves him in the church.
Then Bendrix goes home like all depressed. Then Henry calls and is like dude Sarah died of like coughing and I’m like depressed so come over and Bendrix is like k and ends up living with him cuz not only is Henry a limpdick and a dumbass he's also lonely and antisocial. So then they like go to Sarah’s funeral where Sarah is to be cremated. At the funeral there is like a debate about how Sarah should be laid to rest. Sarah’s mother, husband, and Catholic preacher are like dude she wanted to be a Catholic so she should have a proper Catholic burial and Bendrix is like no and somehow democracy loses and Sarah gets burned. So then book pretty much ends.
edit Impact On The World
None whatsoever. There isn't even any information online about it anywhere. Even sparknotes.com had nothing to say about this book.
edit Other Media
There were two movies made, both were total flops.
edit Critical Reception
"Awful." New York Times
"Garbage. It literally made me want to puke and shit at the same time." God
"I actually kind of liked it. I don't see what the fuss is all about." Paris Hilton
"I killed myself after reading this book." Michael Jackson, May He Rest in Peace