“Nothing that actually occurs is of the smallest importance.”
~ Oscar Wilde on being an emo
“Just kill them....just get it over with.”
~ Everyone on Emos
“Between the two of us, I think we both know who you are going to hurt more.”
~ Ed Byrne on Emos
“I hate myself and I wish I would die!”
~ Emo Kid on Himself
"Why did she have to leave me?"
sob "Now I have to write a shitty poem about my pain!"
Started in 1901 by Sir Edmund Barton, long known to be the world's gayest man, who ran out of distinguishing clothes and decided to wear goofy glasses and woman's pants as a form of protest. The very first "Emo Kid," however, is indubitably Edgar Allan Poe (see death by poetry).
A follower of emo style music. However, if you work with the assumption 'emo' means teenager, you don't have to know the actual definition. They can be destroyed if exposed to sunlight or winds greater in force than 3 knots. A classic example of an emo is "Mr Blobby" as he leads a sad and pointless life that is so dark.
The emo kid has evolved into its own corrupted breed. Whereas many believe that the emos are a breed of their own, this is certainly not the case. Others believing that the emo kid is a division of goth are also wrong, as any goth looking half that ridiculous would have the balls to just kill themselves.
The emo kid is a mixed breed originating from people who badly play guitar solos, who wear their hair long in front short in back, and who are "sensitive".
Let it be known that once corrupted by the bane known as 'Emo-ism', no one will ever return to normal human existance. If caught in the early stages, a proto-Emo can return to decent standards of living, but once past 3 weeks, the proto-Emo will evolve into full-blown Emo, decimating any possible chance of rehabilitaion and treatment.
[edit] Appearance
These individuals share common traits. Their hair is long in the front, shorter in the back. Clothing varieties can include glasses (most often with dark square rims), multiple piercings, and unbuttoned shirt over t-shirt from Hot Topic, worn out skinny jeans, Converse, and the studded belt that self-respecting emo kids would always be seen with. Problems arise however from the fact that emo kids have absolutely no self-respect.
There are few but significant differences in the appearance of the male and female. Males love to wear tight pants . Some of them also have a tendency to kiss other males on the lips. This can be analyzed as a strange mating call to attract other females. Males can also be spotted wearing black eye-liner and glasses.
The females are much harder to document, however. Only the fat ones possess actual tits. Their hair is longer and usually less messy than their male counterparts', and they are unusually as emotional as the males. They are also most likely to show what is known as "cam-whoring" behavior. Though, this is more common in the scene generation, it is still alarmingly common in every online community.
It is common for emo kids to use messenger bags to carry their belongings; typically these include a number of pins ranging from inside that make no sense to anti-war slogans. Car choices tend to revolve around small "econ-boxes," such as Saturns, VWs, or Volvos.
It is interesting to note that Emo supporters widely believe that they are hated for their appearance, also erroneously known as their "style".
many emo kids have "razors" to cut themselves with. NOT ALL EMO'S CUT. However, one may notice they are always in the incorrect direction so as not to cause death. It is also noted that these are usually caused when the emo kids accidentally cut themselves Although emos often resemble the opposite gender, you can easily distinguish between emos and transvestites. Transvestites often wear colorful clothing and indecent make-up. Although their make-up is indecent, they wear less rouge and use more black. Emo scarring is lighter and confined to the wrists.
Emos more closely resemble goth people (ex: mall goths, mansonites), although there is a slight difference: emo kids wear tight clothes and goth kids wear big baggy clothes with chains. Experts hope to discover a hybrid, hoping that chains could catch on and help citizens tell when an emo is nearby, but so far have not discovered any that mate.
[edit] Treatment
i wish emos wern`t treated.they cut thenselves because socity is torturing them. i mean,woudn`t u be driven to depression if u were treated the same way as an emo? if you find an emo,don`t make fun of them.if they`re being dissed,help them.don`t make fun of them.be nice and kind instead.
[edit] Do`s and don`ts around emos
- DON`T diss them
- DO be nice and kind
- DON`T ruin their lives
- DO make them happy
- DON`T be mean or rude
[edit] Emo Kid Farming
Enterprising farmers have attempted to raise and farm emo kids, however have yet to discover an actual need for emo kids, since no one wants them because, honestly, who really wants to deal with a suicidal cam-whore? This is covered extensively in a documentary available online.
[edit] What do you call one emo on the moon?
A Problem
[edit] Announcement to all emo suicidals
Hurry up and do it!!!
I want them to die, they want to die, WHY ARENT THEY DEAD YET!?
[edit] What do you call all of the world's emos on the moon?
Problem Solved.
[edit] Sample of an Emo Entry
- Dear diary, my life is crashing upon me. My parents hate me. My friends hate me. My girlfriend hates me. Even my boyfriend hates me. The world hates me.
I swear. why can't she just love me? am I really that unlovable? Why? Why does she have to fall in love with that jerk and not me??? WORLD. WHY THE HELL DO YOU DO THIS TO ME!?!?!?!
No one cares so I'll just be off slitting my wrists all the way up to my shoulders and drinking my beloved painkillers and cheap beer and sing along to all those cool bands I have. (that you haven't heard of.)
I need to go shopping tomorrow.
I really need new black lipstick, and maybe I'll repaint my nails. But I don't think I need new jeans, my five year old sister's are pretty tight. And they look really good on me.
"two very different people, too scared to get along. until two hearts beat together underneath one sun" <3 Emos rock I'm a whore because i hate emos
Mood: apathetic.
My life is spirirling downwards. I couldn't get enough money to go to to Blood Red Romance and Suffacte Me Dry concert. It SUCKS cause they played some of my favorite songs like, Stab My Heart Coz I Luv You and Rip Apart My Soul and, of course, STABBY-RIP-STAB-STAB! And it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thingy either, like that guy from that band can do.
Some days, ya know?
My life is just a black abeyss, ya know, it's so dark and it's suffocating me. Grabbing hold of me and tightening it's grip, tighter than a pair of my little sisters jeans, which look great on me by the way.
My parents just don't get me you know. They think I'm gay just because they saw me kiss a guy. Well, a couple of guys. But I mean, it's the 2000s. Can't 2-or 4-dudes make-out with each other without being gay. I mean, chicks dig that kind of thing anyways. I don't know diary, sometimes I think you're the only one that gets me, you're my best friend. . . . I feel like tacos
i'm an emo kid noncomforming as can be you would be noncomforming too if you looked just like me..... i hate my life
This is the very last time you will ever hear from my broken soul. I'm writing this note to the condolences of my family , who by the time they read this note I will be dead.
Ps. Creamate me :)
So I herd U like Mudkipz?
I Jacques Paul /surname removed\ (EMO) personally think you are one of the biggest FUCK HEADS pussy liking donkey fucker cat raping ass holes alive.
SO DO US ALL A FAVOUR
fuck off and die .. if you do not know how to kill your self feel free to contact me at:
your a fuck head @ dick . ass
and i will be more than happy to fuck you over and have you kill your self!
[edit] It's Okay to Cry
Actually, to confirm that, it's really not ok to cry. Suck it up, pussy. There are kids who don't even know what a pastry from Starbucks is and you're stuffing your fat ass with them while writing in your diary, which you stole, and cutting yourself at the same time.
Join the military...Gawd.
I poop face Paul /surname removed\ (EMO) personally think you are one of the biggest FUCK HEADS pussy liking donkey fucker cat raping ass holes alive.
SO DO US ALL A FAVOUR
fuck off and die .. if you do not know how to kill your self feel free to contact me at:
your a fuck head @ dick . ass
and i will be more than happy to fuck you over and have you kill your self!
if im not already dead myself, of course.
[edit] How to Write and Sing Emo "Music"
Writing and Singing Emo Music is much more simple than, for example, playing true black metal. Writing/singing may result in gaining massive amounts of sponsorship dollars from megacorps and still retaining your "Counter Culture" image. It may also have the same effect as large amounts of deadly nightshade.Also, if you believe that screaming random crap about some chick dumping you for an "equally androginous/equally as gay guy" as you into a microphone is music, wake up and smell the toast, its not. (Note: We in no way condone, encourage, or approve of the act of writing/singing Emo music). (Note on that note: Emo music shall no longer be called music. It shall now be called "poorly composed shit sound".)
wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf haaahahahhaha
(Note on that note's note: It's still better than rap)
[edit] Writing
A common misconception is that you need some kind of predicament or problem to write about a predicament or problem. Recent studies show that this is merely an urban legend. The bare minimum needed is:
- A made-up social situation ripped off from any other Emo song.
- Words with lots of R's, e.g. Heart, start, apart, etc. They make you sound more Japanese. Words with -tion in them don't hurt either, e.g. conversation, situation, masturbation, fluctuation, biomagnification, etc., Ad Infinitum.
- Use the same word over and over and over and over again, especially if said word sounds angry, pissed off, or otherwise negative.
- You may also want to include a pre-written emo phrase such as " I'm cutting trying to picture your black, broken heart/love is not like anything, especially a ****ing knife." (Lawls The Used is emo)
Now throw it all together and you're ready to comb your hair over your eye!And now lets jiggle breasts!
(Note: This is similiar to rap, where saying the same stuff over and over again, spacing them with "Jyeahs" and "Whos this" and "motherf*cker that" pretty much grants you a way out of your poor life and into a multi million dollar house)
[edit] Singing
According to Harvard scientists, singing in Emo music can not technically be classified as singing, but more like a mild form of the mating cry of an Orangutan. The pivotal point in "singing" your newly-written song is not to open your mouth, but to stretch your lips wide open and sing through your nostrils (Unless pronouncing words with an R in them). Make sure you have others playing instruments along with your singing, so as to dilute the potentcy of the sound (again, these instrument players do not need to know how to play or even what their instrument looks like). The instruments should consist of;
- An Overpowering Grumbly Bass Guitar that sounds like your 80 year old grandmother coughing up mucus.
- A Trebley, Whiny, Grindy Guitar
- Drums (Any drums or drum-shaped rocks will suffice).
For example. If the word better was being sung and held, you would not pronounce it betteeeeer. It would be more like this: Beeetttooooaaaarr. During the oooaaarr, make your voice as high-pitched and faglike as possible.
Now perform in the garage of your parents' obscenely-large house in Boise and you're instantly individual!
ALL WRONG
All you need is
- A faglike singer with a cracked teenager's voice and who wears lipstick , paints his fingers black and seems like he's always suicidal
- Two shitty poseur guitarists who always hang their head one side to keep their fringe right
- A bassist who is drowned out by the drums and guitarists , who only joined the band to be popular
- A drummer with no talent who owns a double-bass set which he nevers uses the second bass , just to seem "experienced"
and i will be more than happy to fuck you over and have you kill your self!
Now write all those faggy , clichéd and uninspired songs that fat 15 year old depressive girls will instantly worship.
- Free cuttin knife with admitions
- LEADER ARE:Emo Hitler, Emokipz , Julian and emo mudkipz
Remember emo fags if you're going to cut it's up the road not across the street
[edit] FAQ: What is actually worse than an emo?
Answer) An emo poser. One who looks up to an emo as a god. One who wears tight jeans, but hates gays. One who plays with their cat often hoping for god it will scratch his wrist so he can show it off the next day in school.
[edit] Who is the most popular emo?
The Emo Kid was made popular by his video, "The Emo Song," AKA "The Emo Kid Song," AKA "Emo Song," all different names for the video on YouTube, which occasionally falls under the typo "The Emo Dong." In the Emo Kid's 1 hit wonder "The Emo Kid Song," he says "I must be emo," which is a phrase that could mean various things, such as him liking hamburgers, enjoy long walks on the beach, or maybe he just means that he is "e...mo," which is believed to be a fragment of the phrase "The most pretty pony." He wears his little sister's jeans, believed to be size 'Teeny Weeny'. He is apparently bisexual, because he says "If I said I liked girls, I'd only be half right." The second theory is that he likes 2 girls at the same time. He also likes tacos, but not at the same time as a guy, a girl, or 2 girls. He hates Xbox and plays the NES. It is unknown if his technique is across the street or down the road, or maybe a combo of the two.
(slightly edited version {like 1 sentence} of my entry in Stabby Rip Stab Stab)
