From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Emo Bashing is the one thing that you can do to prevent the over-population of these sick beings. Read to help people learn how to emo-bash; get your friends to join you... because if we don't unite against them, they will inherit popular culture. For if we strike one down, another one will fill her (not his, there are no "he"s) vans shoes.
edit Types of bashers
- Metalheads - They bash emos to eat their meat. Yeah, they don't just drink the blood like those pussy vampires, they eat emos whole. Emo burgers anyone?
- Goths - They bash emos because they are the gay version of goth.
- Punks - The bash emos because punks really fuckin hate emos...goths where bad enough and just a subculture of punk but emo is just a bitchy subculture to the already bitchy enough subculture in their opinions.
- Jocks - Shining as the Rising Sun, with radiant beams of glory streaming from their perfect faces and well sculpted muscles, the Jocks continue their holy crusade to degrade all the filth of the world (nerds, dorks, emos, punks) so that they may know that they are truly, perpetually filth. But will probably suck emo cock when no one is looking.
- Giraffes - Because giraffes are cool.
- People - They bash emos because of the emos' excessive display of bitchiness.
- Indie Kids - Because we are fucking tired of being confused with those whiny pussys.
- Gary Colmen- He loves hangin out with giraffes
- Blunt Objects - Pretty much any heavy object will do.
- Emos - NUFF SAID!
"You guys seriously need to stop making fun of these people. they don't do anything to you!" -Quote from emo pussy in a vain attempt to defend his puny subculture
edit Types of Bashing
Emo Bashing is an enjoyable recreational activity that can be enjoyed with family, friends or just by yourself. Emos congregate in large groups of other emos and are mostly found lurking and sucking cock at emo gigs and shows. Remember the very young emo boys and girls can prove to turn out to be quite erotic and sexually arousing. This is due mainly to the fact that they were molested all their lives and now like to look pretty so older men in their 40's can abduct them and take them to the "Chamber Of Rape". Many people proud to proclaim themselves emo bashers are angry teenage boys into metal known as metalheads While less subculture-oriented emo-bashers would probably group metal listeners with emo kids, because they are stupid (less oriented emo-bashers), metalheads are still prepared to bash emos and can be an invaluable resource when dealing with emos.
edit Emo bashing as a business
- Gay porn movies
- Anal Sex
- Other emos
- Faggots who can't fight and have never fought another human before (see above)
Verbal emo abuse is the weakest form of emo-bashing and is also the most common. University students are nine times more likely to choose this option because they are pathetically weak themselves and have lived in the suburbs all their lives. You can go ahead and verbally bash an emo but it's a waste of time because only girls talk in a fight.
The internet is a system of tubes that can provided many pedophiles with access to hardcore Child Pornography. Apart from this the internet can also provide a cheap laugh or two. Replying to Youtube videos of emo bashing with messages like "Yeah kill those emos!" or "Death to emo faggots!" will make many emos cry and cut themselves. If this is repeated you might just get lucky and the emo will cut a little too deep and finally kill itself. Either that or you can wind them up enough to so that they leave pathetic comments on your bebo or myspace as this too gives you a good laugh i have found.
edit Health & Recreation
The enjoyment and ecstasy that comes from leaving an emo knocked out and lying on the ground with multiple bone fractures is unparalleled. In fact, doctors have been quoted with saying the famous line, "Bashing an emo a day, keeps the faggots at bay." Also in 2005, scientists declared that strands of emo hair are capable of curing cancer, therefore, bashing on emos became extremely popular in the medicinal field.
edit The truth about emos
Emos are really what are known as "posers." They want everyone to believe that they're human teenagers with severe depression. People often think that they cut themselves and put those cotton wrist bands over them so it draws attention to their wrist (emos say it's to cover it up... bullfuck it is). The real reason behind this is the following... if you take the cotton wristband off it exposes their insides... not because they cut themselves, but because it exposes their computer chip. They don't want to actually sew some rubber over it, because they can't sew and they don't want to tell anyone about their problems (bottle it up). When they are "cutting themselves" they are just tightening a couple bolts, that's all.
edit Further Information
Emo's and scene kids alike are usually skinny and don't have much weight. Because of this it is good to plan weaponry and tactics before bashing them. If you are using fists it is wise to train first. Bashing a weak, skinny person can sometimes be harder than bashing a bigger, stronger person. If you are actually going to do this, don't be a fucking dipshit and prance around with him. Just be confident and punch his stupid black face in. One good solid hit is all you need to knock this transexual out. If you are group bashing it is far more easier (obviously) to successfully bash them. If you have more mass than an emo/scenekid/whateverthefuckyouwwanttocallthesefaggots it is advisable to get the fight to the ground ASAP. After the emo is on the ground and you are on top of him, firmly grab his hair/head region and repeatedly smash his head into the concrete. Repeat this till emo or scenekid is either dead, dying or a vegetable.
edit Important Notice
Whilst bashing Emos do not cut them or draw blood in any way! They will only like it, and it may cause spontaneous orgasm on the part of the Emo. Getting drenched in Emo cum is NOT your objective, if it is, then you should be looking at the article Emo Rape