Emo Cutting

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“I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.”
~ Grandma Moses on Emo Cutting

Emo cutting is the primary method by which emos reproduce. As emos are physically incapable of spreading their seeds, they have to rely on non-sexual methods of reproduction. Most emos have, at some point in their lifespan, attempted to reproduce as such, but as with all forms of human-assisted reproduction, it is impossible to guarantee success.

This form of reproduction does not cause lasting damage to the "parent" emo, which means that several cuttings from different parts of the parent may be taken safely, and thus as many new emos can be sub-cultured simultaneously. This is extremely important, as recent experimental data has shown that emo cutting has a very low success rate. Whether this is a boon or bane is the subject of much debate, although several protests against the RFBER (Research For Better Emo Reproduction) Project have sprung up.

The resultant emos are genetically identical to the "parent" emo, due to the nature of the process. However, this method is different from binary fission, in that the products of reproduction are not necessarily similar in size or number of cells, and that more than two products may be produced. Additionally, the "daughter" emos may differ greatly in terms of spirit, angst, and soul.

Once the "daughter" emos can be distinguished, they are essentially separate emos. As such, they can be separated, brought up in different environments, and further cuttings taken from both; with a sufficient number of generations, depending on the locations the lineages have been brought up in, they may exhibit genetic disparities, notably in patterns of plumage, dietary habits, physical size, and mating calls. As little as two hundred years and/or ten generations may pass after the initial separation before great differences can be seen in the "daughter" emos.

All that was currently written on this page is a bag of shit. You can't go around making jokes from this. HOW ABOUT YOU GO CUT YOURSELF AND SEE IF YOU THEN SEE IT AS A WAY OF REPRODUCTION YOU SICK FUCKING BASTARDS.

Other things to note

Keep in mind that emos of different ages are differently suitable for cutting. A freshly grown emo is not very good, as the emo-isty level is not sufficiently developed; there is a chance that the emo blood in your cutting may not be concentrated enough, and the "daughter" may merely turn out to be soylent green. Also, emos above a certain age are not suitable- as emos age, just like fine wines, they mature. They grow out of that phase, and again, the emo-isity of the cutting may be insufficient. However, in this case, the cutting may develop into a big MAC (middle-age crisisette).

What you want is an emo at its peak of its emo-isity. The exact mechanics of emo concentrations and outward signs of peaking emo-isity are not known; it is more of a matter of experience, as the most experienced emo cutters will attest to. As a prominent member of the NAECEd, Oscar Wilde, once said, "once you've seen one, you've seen 'em all". In an interview, he also stated that emos are generally all alike, none of them unique in the least bit, and the signs of the condition are blindingly obvious and mildly contagious.

In conclusion, have fun with your emo cutting! Choose a good emo, and have fun! Just make sure you can handle the responsibility of having to look after an emo, and not just leave it at home with a babysitter or at your parents' house while you go off to work, and then blame God when things turn out shitty and you have a bastard of an emo.

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