Eminem
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“I don't get it...it's a white man doing black things...this is perplexing...”
Bruce Slim Shady Marshall Mathers Ken Kaniff Steve Berman Paul Rosenberg Rain Man The Third, better known under his stage name M&M (often misspelled as Eminem or EMINƎM, as he himself sometimes writes it, because his mom was married to Dr. Dre and he went to work for him at the age of 9, and therefore is an illiterate who never got a chance to finish Elementary school) is a mentally diseased rap artist, accused of many medical conditions such as delirium tremens, split personality, claustrophobia and schizophrenia. He was recently released into freedom on parole from his Relapse stage on March 15, 2009, so that he could crack a bottle with 50 Cent.
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[edit] Growing Up
As a teenager, Eminem was uncertain what he wanted to be when he grew up. For a long time, he interned with the M&Ms (pictured at right). However, he was too tall to fit in the outfit, and was forced to join a different section of the business and become a wrapper. His family thought he meant "rapper", and helped him find his way into his current career. As a means of combating the Black-Oriented society of the Rap community, Eminem was one of the founding fathers of the white revolution movement and was often arrested for having aggressive battles between his barbershop quartet and other rivaling factions. Near the beginning of his music career, he contracted the Ǝbola virus, which causes its victims to write all of their capital E's as Ǝ. Later in life, he killed all black rappers to have a white dominated world! Although he did not account for the rising number of brown people that will soon take over the rap business.
YOU CAN ALL GET FUCKED, IM JUST STAYING TRUE TO ME!
[edit] Dodgeball
When Eminem was 12, he was involved in a dodgeball incident that involves a wristwatch, a fence post, and a lamp shade. After the incident occurred, he sustained serious damage to his skull and feet. His feet grew to enormous size, and was called Sasquatch for many years, the ridicule caused him to go into a state of depression for 12 years and on his 24th birthday, the extra fat on his feet was cut off and used in a play about safety in Williams Elementary school.
[edit] Chess Club
When Eminem was a child, he was actually quite popular and participated in his school's chess club. He was on a 50 winning streak against black kids and to this day has never lost to a black kid his whole life.
He still does enjoy a game of chess after dinner, unless of course he is with his "boiiiiiiiiiiz" aiiight!
[edit] Mother, Wife and Gays
EminƎm is known for songs about hating his mother, beating his wife, and disliking homosexuals. He has become an icon to woman abusers, George W. Bush, and homophobes universally. This hatred also popularized the term "wife-beater" (for white gangstas). This roots of his legendary misogyny and homophobia were revealed in his best selling autobiography/coloring book I Hate Women And Fags. He admitted that he once spent a few hours in jail in an early attempt to build "street cred", and was subsequently anally raped while in his holding cell. He later backpedaled on this story, saying only that jail was "whack".bitch head dick head
[edit] Assassination attempt
On JunƎ 4th, 1996, during his grƎat turf war with Woody AllƎn, ƎminƎm was sƎarching a dumpstƎer for clothƎs that hƎ could wƎar to his next concƎrt, whƎn hƎ was approached by Woody and a possƎ of bƎ-spƎctaclƎd IT graduatƎs from the School of Hard Knocks. Thinking quickly, ol' Slim summonƎd his black, morƎ gangsta, minions to kill thƎm. YƎt in thƎ Ǝnd thƎ last man standing was "That Brown Guy".
[edit] Rap(Ǝ) Career
He went to intƎrscope and said his namƎ was somewhere lost in the 66 alphabets of Ǝnglis. He nƎvƎr rƎvƎaled his namƎ to his fans or steve bƎrman. For this guilty consciƎncƎ he was taken to Dr.Prey's lab. He was found to have brain damage in his "bad meets evil" kind of head. He replied If I Had A SpicƎ girl..... And Dr.Prey Censored It. He Claims 97'Bonnie and Clyde was a role model to him at his rock bottom hitting house. He said "Cum On Ǝverybody,I'm Shady ". As the world turned they said they just dont give a fuck. So he became angry and wrote public service denouncement. The LP released and everybody asked who was the real slim shady. After being slapped by his mum and Kim he went to mars and wrote the martian mathƎmatician R(I)P. During that time an stupid (Not Like EminƎm, More like YOU!!!) EminƎm fan named Stan drove a van and fell out of a Fridge!!!He became as useless as a pƎpsi can. It was enough for a ban on the man called shady.Under the influƎncƎ of the SƎxinƎss of Kim he wƎnt to amityvillƎ and sang sƎvƎral drug ballads for the ghosts and your usƎlƎss friends. His most famous line included "Who KnƎw What I NƎever KnƎw KƎanu reeves Bitch plƎasƎ II". HƎ Said I Will "Kill You" fags and lƎz and dƎclared himsƎlf that hƎ was a Criminal. AftƎr 2000 EminƎm yƎars , he went to interscopƎ and asked "RƎmƎbƎr mƎ? I'm Back". HƎ Says what you say but his business was for White America. "My Dad's Gone Crazy Without Me" was rƎvƎalƎd to be not a "Halie's song" but it was for Halie's comet. With a Square dance and a skit he said goodbye to hollow wood. Paul Rosenberg's Skits say that he was a superman but Till he collapses the music is always stopped for the safety of light weight white kids. At this era the m's rose higher but sung for no mo(ve)ment.Then EminƎm's last show was played. The Curtains were up for some evil deeds. He said that he likes Toy soldiers and it was never enuff. His First single was not mosh or puke. Em called paul and called him a rain man. Paul replied that em was a big weenie. He said "Just lose it" and "shake that ass like that". For the public enemy # 1.24153250977320570 EminƎm the curtains were down. After some aftermath he revealed you dont know that jimmy can crack KoRn and fred dust. After hibernating inside a pokeball for 666 millennia,he hopes to come back a have a prelapse. His la(te)s(t) release being "They made me smack a throttle".
[edit] Other Collaboration
EminƎm was forced to surrender to the Nobodies Satan impersonator (AKA Marilyn "The Horrible" Manson) somewhere near the shady areas of the shadows of the valley of death. Together they scared Zeus to run to toilet. Manson soon left the site due to deficit of drugs. They are rumoured to have taken 9999999999.99999999999999% of the drugs available in America when they were together. To save money and for preventing bankruptcy interscope soon cancelled the remaining scare shows.
[edit] Hobbies
His hobbi3s include-
- Grabbing balls
- Cussing
- Masterbating to photos of Dr. Dre
- Misspelling Masturbation
- Beating his wife
- Beating my wife
- Beating your wife
- Beating that guys wife
- Hatin Gays
- Hatin Faggots
- Hatin Ho's
- Hatin Gays
- Hatin his mom
- Hatin Your Mom
- Hatin M.J.
- Hatin Christopher Reeve
- Cleaning Closets
- (Rape)ing dogs
- Getting butt fucked by Dr.dre
- Cummin on everybody
- Ignoring people named Stan
[edit] The Three Headed Monster
He is a part of the Three headed Monster, Which Comprises of-
- The Worlds Best Golfer (a Black guy)
- The Worlds Tallest Basket baller (a Chinese guy)
- The Best / Most Gangstaaa Rapper (a white guy)
[edit] Dis-Co-Graphy
- Indefinite EP
- Indefinite LP
- The Slim Shady EP
- The Slimmer Shadier LP
- The Martian Mathematician LP
- The Minimumem Not Your mum's Show
- Encore
- NoCore
- The Fatter Shady R.I.P
- MNM Presents re-Down (Collaboration With 2000 Tons Of Nigga Trash)
- The Fatter Shady LP
- Public(k) My Dick Denouncement 200000AD
- Never Ever Give A Duck
- The Way I Spam
- Blam Blam Blam Blame The Lame For My Fame
- Stage Fright Under the Curtain
- Collapse
- Collapse 2
- Fuck yall Niggas
[edit] OthƎr Affilations
He has an affiliation with many groups known to the world. These include:
- Professional Ball Grabbing inc.
- Culture Club
- The Group of The Greatest Things to happen to Rap
Being a white guy
