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The artsy and misunderstood encyclopedia that anyone can edit, but probably won't, since nobody cares.
31,509 heart-rending poems in English

Loneliness · Rejection · Love · Misery · Death · </3

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Today's Message of pain

Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.

It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...


Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.

Did you care...

*...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
  • ...that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
  • ...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
  • ...that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
  • ...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
  • ...that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
  • ...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
  • ...that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
  • ...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
  • ...that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
  • ...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
  • ...that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
  • ...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
  • ...that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
  • ...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
  • ...that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
  • ...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?

Recent deaths

Ferrarihairdryer.jpg

Second Front Pages: BrexitHillary!TrumpUK 2015 electionGreece

Today sucks because...

January 20: Nobody edit Uncyclopedia Day Or Else
Too-fuckin-good

Why do I get my Hopes up?

  • 1492 - Columbus becomes president of America.
  • 1937 - The 20th Amendment is passed, forcing all presidental candidates to compete in a 100-meter dash to decide the primaries. Surprisingly, Franklin D. Roosevelt is the first president to win this event.
  • 1942 - The Nazi Party gives the final solution to the "Jewish question", though the Jews insist that they were just asking for directions.
  • 1984 - Armies of Oceania defeat Eurasian armies in the Congo.
  • 1988 - Everybody ignored this holiday.
  • 1992 - Governer Bill Clinton beats Paul Tsongas in the primaries. Investigations as to whether or not Clinton bit part of Tsongas's ear off in the final stretch are launched.
  • 2004 - Pinky and the Brain finally take over the world, and are then killed by Joe Cartoon in a blender.
  • 2007 - People are still intent on ignoring this holiday.
  • 2008 - No-one has edited Uncyclopedia! Until I just did. Oh shit.
  • 2009 - International Change Day. Citizens of the 'Homeless Undead'-ridden Californian cities get a day of reprieve from demands for change as the masses of change-hungry 'Zombos' are distracted by a change of power in Washington
  • 2010 - Some n00b edits Uncyclopedia.
  • 2300 - after leaving earth after 2012, humans finally get to the only safe planet, uranis.
  • 2301 - finally people decide to wipe uranis clean of those mean little stinky brown blobs.

Today's featured artistry

Heart-o-nails

My heart has been broken... Then taken out and had a bunch of nails put in it.

Image Credit: RadicalX
Nominate new image - View all featured images

Newest MySpace friends

GoofySinger.jpg

Peter Singer (pictured) | Maplewood NJ | Barney's Hide & Seek Game | Kenny G (r/w) | Osmosis Jones | Air Training Corps | Short Hills NJ | Single mothers | Catwoman | Devo (r/w) | Porky Pig | Grand Moff Tarkin (r/w) | The Rock-afire Explosion | Pat Buchanan | Radiohead | Trump Tower | Arthur C. Clarke (r/w) | Revolutionary Girl Utena | Neu! | Rick Perry | Eastbourne | Bognor Regis (r/w) | Dwayne Johnson (r/w) | Jimmy Neutron (r/w) | Coin (r/w) | Vegan food | Count Dooku (r/w) | HowTo:Help the Green Party | Impressionism | Millennials | Georges Danton


More newest friends | Pages that abandoned us | Lovelorn Pages | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Emo Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Poets of the Month

Wotm

Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.

Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).


Noobaward

The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.


Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!


Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers

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