Eltir Floda

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Eltir H Floda (Born Eltir Heironymous Mousecake Floda) is the current and (so far) only emperor of Greater Dorset. Floda was born in 1943 to parents Amadeus Ringwood Floda and Samantha Piddletrenthide Floda (formerly Samantha Piddletrenthide Hopkins) in the rural backwaters of East Chaldon. Unsatisfied at a young age (5) with only being able to rule his nursery, Floda "claimed" most of the family home by installing fingerprint scanning locks on the interior doors, enabling him to live the next few years as a reclusive child genius. Floda was an innovator in using Pigeon Order to collect his food, clothes and Dorset Ginger Ale. As far as we know, his parents remained locked in the spare room.

On the 13th of February 1960, at the age of 17, Floda left his home for the first time alone. Venturing South-East to Swanage, he stormed the town single-handedly using a banner woven from his mother's finest net curtains. Hundreds rallied to his flag, and he was crowned King of Swanage and Harman's Cross later that same day. Floda set up office in the building that would become the Mowlem Theatre, and looked across the sea from his office with eager eyes.

It was the 24th of March, 1976, when Floda's dreams of conquest were first realised. Having mulled over what later became known as "The Northern Problem", Flod turned his gaze onto the Borough of Poole. An army was soon amassed, and Floda's forces marched up through Hamworthy to engage the Poole Hoplite Union on West Quay Road. A short battle led to the Mayor of Poole stepping forth, taking off his helm, and surrendering the town to Floda's forces.

Floda quickly moved his headquarters to a secret bunker underneath Poole Park. Plans were drawn up, and Floda's increasing forces marched North to Fisherton de la Mére. The forces were split in two - one half with his Serence and Drunken Excellency, the other with the new tactical advisor Terry Wogan. Wogan's cavalry headed for Weston-Super-Mare, and strengthened by reinforcements from Bridgwater, headed along the coast to implement the attack on Wales.

Floda and his crack infantry, however, marched on London. Failing to be stopped by an ambush by Northern Rebels, Floda reached the capital, and, in a similar move to his conquests of Swanage and Poole, installed himself as reigning monarch, later declaring himself Emperor.

Floda, his forces strengthened by London's Myrmidons, began his campaign in the North with similar effect, leading to the outright conquest of most of Britain (Helped by the launching of the Dorsetian Navy from Newport by Wogan in 1979). It was at this time that Cities were banned throughout Greater Dorset, and Manchester initially renamed "New Poole".

With his success in Britain, Floda turned his Iron Fist to the rest of Europe. So long had he yearned for Dorset to extend over all of Eurasia (see main Dorset Article).

These days, at the age of 63, Floda likes nothing more than to sit in his Triangle Terrace sipping from a bottle of Tanglefoot Ale (Badger Breweries). Occasionally in the summer, Floda travels to his holiday home in Greater Worth Matravers (formerly Switzerland) for a relaxing ski holiday. He still hasn't let his parents out.

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