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“veni, vidi, t-subuculam emeri - (I came, I saw, I bought the T-shirt)”
“This isn't here”
|Motto||Elsewhere? Where else!|
|Official languages||Pidgeon English, English, Goat|
|Natural Resources||Teaspoons, Biros|
|National animal||The Goat|
|Capital City||Who cares|
Elsewhere is situated at 21 degrees North 15 degrees East, completely encircled by the US state of Iraq. It is historically celebrated for being the birthplace of many famous scientists, particularly Dr Emmet Brown, inventor of the cheese grater, and Charles Darwin, who postulated that most world leaders were in fact evolved from Hitler. Its population is estimated as 1, the only inhabitant being a geriatric racing driver who got lost during the Paris-Dakar Rally.
The currency of Elsewhere is the penny, which is divided into 100 teaspoons. The exchange rate with the US Dollar is precisely (3.14 if you are a physicist, about 10 if you are an engineer). Due to the constant influx of both money and teaspoons, Elsewhere is the wealthiest state in the world.
Elsewhere is the decided location for 90% of the world's nuclear power plants, landfill sites, and people on the Guantanamo Bay waiting list.
Elsewhere is the single biggest exporter of Viagra in the world.
The recent gansta-rap culture that is hitting America has not extended to the neighbouring country of Elsewhere, but there is a strong Countdown-watching contingent among the population. The official religion is Euphemism. Elsewhere is considered to be a very safe place as it is frequented by people who don't commit murders. When questioned by the police on there whereabouts, many people have claimed to be Elsewhere during the time of the murder. The local crime rate suggests otherwise.
The official sport is Association Football. Elsewhere's sole appearance in the World Cup came in 1974, where they achieved a creditable 1-1 draw with Argentina, despite fielding a team consisting almost entirely of goats. They were later expelled from FIFA after their team kept eating opponents' shirts, to the embarrassment of the French team in particular.
Elsewhere is generally considered to have the weakest army in the world. However, it did achieve its first military victory in 1991 at the Battle of Basra when the geriatric single-handedly held off the entire Republican Guard with a pointed stick. This led to unanimous agreement among the "Team America" powers that Elsewhere should be equipped with a nuclear arsenal (see French football teams).
- Herodotus 300 BC, The Road To Elsewhere
- Charles Darwin, On the Origin of World Leaders
- Random goat, World Cup '74: My story