Elmo

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Elmo, as seen on TV
All your base belong to Elmo

“Elmo loves his chain saw, his uzi too. Elmo wants butt sex with aviators. Let Elmo do it or Die!”

~ Elmo on himself.

Elmo (not to be confused with "emo") is a sexy Puppet on the television show Sesame Street. He as been a leading activist of the North American Puppet - Boy Love Association and encourages gay anal sex with a puppet (preferably himself) before reaching the age of 6. It is to be determined as to if this is furry sex or not (it is). He is a small red incubus with large, cartoon-like eyes and an orange-colored nasal cavity that oozes red snot. He currently hosts Elmo's World, which is aimed at providing more Elmo, because Elmo is the best medium for PBS to brainwash our young children into beliveing giggling wads of cuteness is a good thing. Reportedly Kevin Clash's spirit is trapped inside of humping Uncle Fester, and for that we feel bad. Elmo has recently contracted vaginal cancer, a medical marvel that stumps scientists all over the world.. Elmo recently authored a book, It Started with Father Robert "Creampie" Conole, his Manifesto/ Biography/ biggest piece of crap since his sex tape with Dorothy the Fish.

Contents

[edit] History

Emo was born in May 10, 1954, which would mean he is not very old, yet he claims he is 3-and-a-half, to get close to the toddlers who watch his show and get their minds warped. He frequently refers to himself in the third person because his daddy used to spank him too much, so after his skin turned from a dark purple to the light red seen today, he started liking little boys.

He has a rubber penis named Bubbles and whenever Bubbles acts up he has to feed dog food to it. According to his autobiography, Emo has to dog-feed his penis when it acts up. But he always makes sure to tell it first, 'this is going to feel a lot better for Emo than it is for you'."

Sesame Street staff writer David Arquette once described Emo's origins: "There was this creepy red puppet in the corner of the room, but nobody wanted to use him for fear that he would scare the children. However, our puppet designer changed him into what you see today, by means of various plastic surgery methods, specifically in the crotch." Emo quickly caught on and was a huge star with other muppet actors shoved to the background and the content of the shows changing dramatically. Grover and Two Headed Monster were kept but Sweet'ums left for the Muppet Show never to return.

Emo's late sex partner who left him for Kermit after stating, "He has a bigger penis".

A popular doll called the Tickle Me Elmo was manufactured in his likeness, and became the must-have toy during the Christmas season in 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, and 2005. Elmo dolls fetched top dollar prices on places like ebay where people paid ungodly sums of money for them, all so that their children will love them. In some parts of Europe, Gypsies would stop dealing with children and would deal with Tickle me Elmo dolls. Elmo dolls were so desired that retail stores would turn into urban war zones akin to Iraq. Ironically these dolls became a torture device used to find terrorists in Iraq.

Elmo popularity at this point started into, like, a major downfall dude, especially after a public meeting in 2000 where Elmo, blunted on some buds, Raped a 56 year old woman and later that year keyed a car outside the Diamond Mine Strip Club. He was out on bail of $800 a day later and assigned 80 hours of community service. Elmo continued to alienate himself from television stars that he already had bad blood with. Elmo made noise about going over to The Learning Channel, but never did.

Some believe that his homosexuality and perverted love of young boys is because he was raped by local Priest Father Robert "Creampie" Conole, as he explains in his book, but you can't take him seriously. I mean, come on, he's gay! Also Elmo is very verstile as he will do babys.

The Cody Petts edition was the most troublesome of all the Elmos. He was thrown out from Sesame Street after allegations of steroid abuse Elmo got a gun and ran big bird over with a Ford Ranger, after that incident Elmo went rouge and was last seen in Fucking Austriadoing more steroids and smoking a digeredoo sized hooka and doing anabolic steroids laced with a low grade platypus tranquillizer.

Elmo was the star of the 1999 full-length, theatrically-released motion picture Elmo in Pornland, however Elmo claims that he never got paid (or laid) for those movies, and is currently waiting for his payment and hooker. Upon receiving his payment three years later, it is reported that he spent it on meth to smoke in the washroom of a local walmart with Ronald Mcdonald. Producers found Elmo turning to vomit on the floor and was rushed to a hospital. Elmo upon learning he would have to pay for the hospital bill, through a fit and hurt six nurses on his way out of the building to get drunk.

Elmo also appeared in a fifth season episode of The West Wing. In the March 3, 2001 episode "Eppur Si Muove", Elmo receives a medical check-up from Abbey Bartlet, the First Lady, and cheekily questions her about the validity of her medical license. He later states that, "Elmo did not know that Elmo was being filmed, and Elmo did not find out that information until after filming ended. Elmo is very angry about that." Elmo at first was a nice creature, subtle and playful, until he fucked Lauren Ghram. Their foray into porn didn't go well even though Elmo attempted to get a spot on the show again but sadly wasn't allowed and was then banned from NBC. Elmo tried to pull strings to get back onto PBS as an on air pornstar, but was denied and was told that he may be able to get a worthwhile position, but he didn't like that. After kicking the contact, Elmo was ejected from the house and was not seen on the property again, until 4 days later when they caught him at 8 am humping the neighbor's dog near the sprinklers.

[edit] Elmos crimes

  • stalking jennifer actkinson
  • making george fitzgerald ginger
  • scaring shane so he pissed the bed on doctor pepper
  • killing emeinem resuting in sam pooles suicide
  • giving birth to john renolyeds and leaving amanda with him
  • killing Osama binladen in a blender then drinking him that is why no one can find him

[edit] Elmo Today

Elmo tried to get a career going again by connecting with various Fraggles and other washed up kids stars in a one time only concert event. Elmo's fur was looking thin, almost pink and many of the Fraggles were battling drug dependancy or weight issues. The promoters took a bath on the whole project and Elmo was gone again from the public eye. As if to add further salt to the wounds, PBS put out a classic collection of Sesame Street DVDs which are all free of Elmo. Public eye was again back on Sesame Street and it's ratings improved well back to pre Elmo levels. Though he was frequently asked to appear on MTV, Elmo was not asked to come back to the show and reportedly lives at home with his parents and he drives a Gremlin. He also married his best friend, Zoe, recently and they are now expecting a child together.

[edit] Elmo's Friends and Enemies

Elmo's Friends

Elmo's Enemies

Finally, Elmo was murdered in the last days of 2008, or so he wants you to think
  • George W. Bush

[edit] What you don't know about Elmo

When Michael Jakson got accussed of kiddie fiddling it was really Elmo. Elmo threatened Michael so that he would invite the little boys around. then in dark room Elmo 'tickled' the little boys until his needs were satisfied. And beacuse the room was so dark the kids thought it was Michael Jackson.

Whoever wrote that last paragraph is either a f'loon or the world's best journalist. I did it it was all me try and stop me hahahahaha

[edit] Elmos Wrath

There is no stopping elmo once he has begun, he will destroy all that was and all that will become. He plays innocent, but remember elmo always has his eyes open, he has no eyelids!!!

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