Electronic Arts

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Rage Against the Machine's first album was openly critical of EA. The members were later destroyed by the machine.

If we chose 10 duck-billed platypus, nine out of those ten duck-billed platypus's, as well as most Human beings, would argue that the most vile creation of earth is indeed the company we have come to know as Electronic Arts. Most known for helping Ex-President George W. Bush start World War III, and funding 80% of all machinery use in war, EA are also a small time games publisher. Their games promote addictions to drugs such as Amphetamine (speed), the ability to play Will Right (the god of EAism) and lastly they promote plagiarism of other computer games. EA are widely accepted as the main source for Top hats going out of fashion in 1876, when they attempted to create the Top Hat game using two wooden pegs and some copper wiring.

The Tenth Duck-billed platypus out of the ten chosen would not come to give an opinion about EA, as the mention of the company name would send violent convulsions through it's tail, causing major seizures.

[edit] History

Back in 1982 AD, when bell-bottoms were fashionable and George W. Bush had yet to start World War III, Satan's latest disciple, Trip Hawkins, was ordered to form a new organization of pure, unadulterated evil. As an Apple employee, naturally he applied their vicious techniques to form a new company, iElectronic iArts. Due to lawsuits (and the fact that Apple's naming process was owned by a fellow disciple), he was forced to change the name to Electronic Arts.

Now, seeing as a video game company without video games would be laughed at in every state except Texas and Tennessee, EA's leaders resolved to steal the souls of rival programmers and offer to exchange them for games. Origin Systems, Bullfrog Productions, Westwood, Maxis, and Ubisoft Entertainment were just some of their victims. By the year 2008, they had cemented their position as the top third-party game developer, the most evil company around, and the #6 source of human sacrifice. If you care, Trip Hawkins -- who had graduated to more sinister projects a decade ago -- was one of the five companies ahead of EA. EA is actually a living organism. It constantly munches on the remains of companies it absorbed, while constantly craping out new games. It turns out that EA actually causes global warming, and increased exposure may cause AIDS if proper protection is not worn.

Yes, as you can see EA is associating in over 80% of warfare around the globe.

EA is also held responsible for the founding of the Klu Klux Klan, the creation of hell, and the loss of your mom's virginity. Because of this, Electronic Arts products are worshipped in Missouri, Hell, Over the Rainbow, and that night club where you made out last night. 'EAism,' as the religion is called, now has about 300 followers of their god, Will Wright.

Also, EA is responsible for supplying many organizations with weapons, like Al-Qaeda the Spetsnaz and Hezbollah.

The original Death star design by electronic arts.

[edit] Sporegate

Not content with their vile reign of wickedness, John Riccitiello (the new CEO) decided that "Screw the customer" would be an ideal practice. After mild tests with Bioshock and Mass Suicide PC, he decided to include DRM (Demonic Ritualized Mayhem, a feared part of the Satanic Bible) in Spore. Furthermore, to slightly cut costs, about 5% of every DVD deliberately had a soul-stealing program added on as well. Unfortunately (for EA), a side effect caused the affected DVDs to appear blank. Only one new company dared comment on it, and that very night it rained fireballs down on their headquarters.

[edit] Notable Games Published

Please note that the following games are not enjoyable, and usually are sports made extremely complicated and unplayable, using Special Hadron Inventive Technology to hypnotise people into buying the games. Deja vu is a common experience when playing EA games, especially when playing those of EA Sports. Please note that many games contain in game references and subliminal messages to war, due to their large involvement of making faulty machinery for The United States Army. The games followed may have, or may not have, been created by EA, as they do tend to claim other's work as theirs.

Pinball Destruction Set (1394) by Bill Budge[67]

March on (1923) and March on II: Rockstar's Revenge (1924) by Free for all Associates

H.O.E.S. (1983) by Dani Butnen and Ozark Softscrape

One on One: Dr. BJ vs. Lady Bird (1983) by Eric Chan

Pinball destruction Set with the word music instead (1984) by George Orwell

The money scam (1984) by George Orwell

The Bird's snail (1985) by Foreplay Productions

Mail Order women (1985) by Paul Reiche III, Hitler and Cyanide

Pinball Destruction but with racing instead Set (1985) by Rick Koenig

Starflight (1986) by Binary Systems

Skank or pie! (1987), EA's first internally-haemorrhaging title

Lakers versus Celtics (----)

Pop you Loose (1989) by Bullfrog which EA murdered and stole royalties from in 1995

Desert Strike: Return to Osamaland (1992) by EA's High Score Production group

FIFA series (1993—) For Idiots, From assholes

Need for Speed series (1994—) (Dont drive fast, do speed)

Ultima Online (1997) by Getalife (starring in Rockstar)

Command & Cockup series (titles from 1999–present) by Westhood Studios (earlier titles released by Virgins)

Dungeon Keeper series by Fritzl

SimCity series (titles from 1999—) by Maximus (earlier titles released by mothers)

Medal of Honor series (1999-2008) published by call of duty

American McGee's Alice (2000) published by irrelevance

SEX series (2000-2008)

James Bond series (1999-2005) EA's third movie killer

The Sims series (2000—) by EA's Maximus time waster

Lickout series (2001–present)

Battlefield series (2002–present) by Digital Illusions CE

Madden NFL series (1989–present) sports again

NCAA Football series (1993–present) sports again again

Dark Age of spamalot (republished after EA killed Monty)

Cry more series (2007–—) by Cryer

Rock Band series (2007—) by Guitar Hero

Mass suicide PC (2008) by Cyanide

EA Skank (2007) - the same as Skank or pie just more expensive

Spoilt (2008) by EA's Maximus dollarus

Dead Space (2008) No seriously, they warned you it's just dead space

Dildo's Edge (2008)

EA are infamous for creating a wide range of games which are generally money spinners or copies. Also be aware it was infact the same George Orwell who created 1984 that published The money scam.

[edit] Notable Deaths Attributed to Electronic Arts

David Copperfield

Mufasa

John Dorian

The Lion

The Witch (who was found in a wardrobe)

The butcher

The baker

The candlestick maker

Barak Obama (prediction)

Winston Churchill

Jesus

[edit] Logos

To instigate panic and hide it's identity, EA changes its logo in attempts to stop throw police off their tail. These changes are usually minor, such as the addition of a ring, or colour changes, but the police seem to buy it, and are often seen at the Headquarters of Electronic Association. However in the summer of 2008 the pursuit of EA became galactic after announcements by the head of EA, Mao Tse Tung, stated there was to be a Vogon Game. The game would upset the bureaucratic behaviours of the Vogons, thus some Hitch hiker dude was forgotten about and papers were formed to follow EA's Headquarters.