Nu-Electromagnetics

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“Science as science should be. Pointless. Mad. Explosive. Beans.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Nu-Electromagnetics

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Nu-Electromagnetics.

Nu-Electromagnetics is a realtively new field of science, founded by Nicolas Tesla . Basically, its electromagnetics with all the boring formula stuff taken out, and based on the following basic principles.

  1. Nicolas Tesla is god.
  2. Gargantuan magnets are awesome.
  3. Lightning is awesome.
  4. There is no need for documentating to verify experiments that have been conducted. Instead, provide photos of rad lightningbolts striking gargantuan magnets.
  5. No scientific finding needs to be backed up theoretically, as long as said finding is in concistence with rules 1-3.
  6. Rule 5 goes double for really expensive experiments.
  7. Conducting experiments that have been conducted before is not unacceptable, as long as said findings are in consistence with rules 1-3.
  8. Randomly exploding equipment is "not a bad thing".
  9. Beans.
  10. Any finding or theorem that is not in concistence with rule 1-9 must not be attributed to the research field of Nu-Electromagnetics.
  11. The answer to the previous ten questions can be found by asking an electromagnetic field server.

edit History

Scary D

The scary D, in one of his good days

D slash

"D slash day" commemorating logo, in tribute to Feynman's elimination of the villain

Nicolas Tesla was first to wonder if it was possible to fry a tank using lightning, after seeing it been done in popular computergames. Nicolas Tesla's lifetime of poorly documented experiments lead him to invent the field of nu-electromagnetics in his last moments, with the following historical line.

Cquote1 I have given you the gift of nu-electromagnetics. Go forth and kick butt in my name. Beans. Cquote2

Since then, many have expanded on the idea of frying objects with huge lightningbolts. Richard Feynman, especially, improved on this idea by his slaying of the most notorious component of the theory, the scary D. Conspiracy theorists maintain that Maxwell was forced to insert the evil D into his notorious equation by the scientific vampirium, thereby deposing the sensible electric field E. Feynman's victory was rewarded with an international festival commemorating his D slashing.

More recently, after the cold war ended, there was a decreasing need for technology to obliterate capitalist pigs. Thus, nu-electromagnetics began concentrating on "making photos of artificial lightning", and, of course "Beans".

edit Electromagnetic field server

An electromagnetic Field server is an IBM mainframe computer located inside the core of a planet. Their existence was first postulated by James Maxwell, when he discovered that his equations known as Maxwell's equations where so boring to calculate that only a computer could do it. Scientists first proved the existence of electromagnetic field servers when one was accidentally discovered in 1918, when they were searching for cheese in coal mines in an undisclosed location. NASA has later determined that all electromagnetic fields are in fact controlled by electromagnetic field servers and that they are controlled by software processes called Maxwell's Demons. The further away one comes from an electromagnetic field server, the more electromagnetic fields will fluctuate randomly, this is the reason that electromagnetic fields in space fluctuate a lot while electromagnetic fields on a planet tend to be sucked into cellular phones, in the process called electromagnetic phone sucking which forms the basis of wireless communication. This has caused a lot of problems for NASA engineers as this means that astronauts can't use their cell phones in space, and instead has to rely on smoke signals for communication. A group of infamous hackers was sentenced to death in 1995 after killing several Maxwell's Demons and thus disrupting not only large parts of the global wireless infrastructure, but also causing the death of Angelina Jolie as she got electrocuted by her vibrator.

edit See also

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