Canada/Language

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Language

Canada is the world's largest Spanish-speaking country. In Canada, a dialect of Spanish known as "Españoleh" is dominant, marked by overpronunciation of "dz" and "dj" characters. The Canadian language evolution is marked by an infusion of Afghani language techniques such as "Afghani ch-tonation" and "disgharmony." Examples of ch-tonation are present in the Espagnoleh sentence, "Artun hamash diwolle" (roughly translated: I fudged two beavers) with "diwolle" pronounced more closely to "dajwolhey."


A large amount of Canadians, however, believe they speak French. French people are bewildered when they visit Canada, tell the natives where they are from, and are accosted in a language that sounds roughly like the speaker is vomiting and shoving doughnuts in their mouth as quickly as possible at the same time. Sometime around the 17th century, leaders of the French-speaking world decided to resolve this problem by meeting and creating a new language for so-called "French" Canadians to speak. Thus, English was born.

The 7-bit American Standard Code for Information Interchange (plain ASCII) is not sufficient to represent the entire Canadian language, as it is missing key characters such as the accents on names like «Céline Dion», the snowman () and the specialised unicode Kannada set:

Kannada character set
Anusvara I'm like freezin' my arse off, eh?
Visarga I'm moving to Vancouver. Beauty!
A The great Canadian word: «eh?»
Aa Like, take off, eh?
I Igloo.
Ii Industrial-size igloo.
U You.
Uu All of you hoseheads!
Vocalic R Roll Up the Rim to Win! Eh!
Vocalic L Le baton de hockey.
Vocalic E Eskimo pi.
Ee Edmonton eskimos.
Ai Artificial igloo.
O Oshawa.
Oo Uh-oh. A phrase used when a chinook melts your igloo so you have to go oot and aboot, eh?
Au The golden hockey puck.
Θ We Gone Skiin' eh?
Δ Boo Im a Ghost, eh? whooo!
Ξ No No, You're not!
Π Pie Pie is good
Ω Mega They're building a new Megamall, eh?
Λ Pizza Whats the Pizzaguy's phonenumber?
Φ Wiki Wanna vandalize Wikipedia?
۞ CTD Canadian Tire Dollar eh?

Note that the French Character Map is not directly usable in the Canadian language, as it uses the euro () instead of the Canadian Tire Dollar (۞).

"Eh"

Canadian Law requires that the word "eh" be used in at least once in every three sentences. If not abided, it is punishable by jail time or capital punishment. Due to this people who cannot pronounce the word are not allowed into the country and the mute are executed at birth or whenever discovered by being tied up on an ice block and pushed towards the sea.

In 1994, a Halifax man failed to pronounce the word due to a viral infection of the throat which rendered him speechless, so was set adrift. However after surviving 41 days on the sea only by licking the Ice block for sustenance, finally washed up on the shore of Greenland and was admitted to the nearest hospital. However when one Canadian intelligence spy notified the government of the situation, he was demanded to be expedited back to Canada. Government of Norway first declined however when Canada threatened to go to war, Kerry Thomas was turned over.

On September 1994 was publicly executed by an angry mod with hockey sticks, and was buried in the cemetery of his town. His thumb stone reads; "Eh".

The new canadian language is called canuck ebonics. they use word such a shizzel eh izzle. and abootiz diddilyeyizll. also nigizadia plizzel.


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