Editiovultus phobia

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“Scared? I cringe in fear when somebody links me to their Facebook page or I get an email saying my friend invited me to Facebook, it haunts every corner of my existence, I'm... almost trapped by it.”
~ Traditional moderate to highly affected editiovultaphobic
“In Soviet Russia, Facebook fears YOU!!.”
~ Russian reversal on editiovultus phobia

edit What Is It?

Editiovultus phobia is derived from the Latin words meaning "face" and "book" and is generally used to describe a fear of Facebook.com. The studies conclude the psychological impact is devastating.

Editiovultus phobia-fixed

Time line illustrating one's tendency to acquire editiovultus phobia

edit How Can I Get It?

If several of your peers have a tendency of sending you emails which state "you have been invited to Facebook..." or something of the like, you have a high probability of acquiring the editiovultus phobia. Other afflictions may arise when if a once-good-friend says "hey, look I updated my Facebook profile" twenty TPM (times per minute) and when the host requests the friend copy and paste the update (not like the receiver cares at all to begin with) they insist "you must go to the page to see it", you are required to make up an excuse why you can't keep up on the latest bit of what's happening in your friend's life. Within these encounters lies the source of editiovultus phobia.

Crazy man

An editiovultaphobic man after receiving the "your friend has added you to Facebook" email .

edit How Can I Avoid it?

To avoid the Facebook, one must hide in a secluded area far from the internet.

Today, there are only two known cures if the victim has been exposed to editiovultaic elements, these include:

  • leave the face of the earth
  • to sign up for a Facebook account (this option is not recommended)

edit Where to Hide?

"Where to hide", you ask? Well, these are some better-known places to hide from Facebook. Thus, enabling the affected to effectively discourage the affliction and increase their chances of survival:

  • up a tree
  • behind a log
  • in a hole
  • deep inside a cave
  • in an IKEA store

In some cases, hiding may not be 100% effective- due to modern technological advancements. An example of an issue that may arise during treatment (hiding) is when somebody possessing editiovultaic tendencies asks the afflicted to view their profile on a wireless computer system. The removal of wires from communication equipment has impaired the editiovulta phobic's ability to recover from the illness under otherwise optimal conditions.

edit Focus Groups?

Thus far, no counseling groups or focus seminars have been developed to suppress editiovultus phobia. However, they are expected to develop as research continues.

edit Editiovultus Phobia in Our Society

Being a unique type of phobia, editiovultus has created social effects uncommon to the effects of a regular phobia. This fear of a social network results in social fears. People suffering from this disorder often congregate and form. In depth research and recent events reveal the true purpose of such groups: shutting down Facebook.
While their cause is considered noble, their methods certainly aren't, for on several occasions their "gatherings" have turned violent and often sparked riots.

The people behind Facebook have used this to turn governments and societies against these people instead of helping them.

Dtfb

Anti-editiovultal group demonstrations common to Soviet Russia.

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