Ed Wood

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Cquote1 One of cinema's finest! Cquote2
- Uwe Boll on Wood

Edward D. Wood, Jr. (1924–1999) was an American director of moving pictures (or "Walkies") and considered by many to be the greatest interpreter of film and breadcrumbs. He left his mark in the woods on the way to the witch's house where he met Tiny Dr. Tim Burtoni, his maker. He was a known cross-dresser. You think we're joking but we're not. Seriously.

Biography

Cquote1 This man's films are almost better then our's! ALMOST. Cquote2
- Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
Ed wood

Ed Wood flipping through the latest issue of Masturbation Aficionado on his sofa.

Ed Wood was created by scientist and part time magician Timothy Burtoni, who gave him the name of Edwardius Diane Holzenberg III. Most of his body parts were of Romanian descent. His creator often dressed him up in girly clothing, such as dresses, skirts, stockings, lingerie, bikinis, angora sweaters, pajamas and gloves. It is often theorized that this is why Edward grew up to become a transylvanian.

At the age of 35, Edward was given a Kodak movie camera, but joined the army by accident before he could put it to much use. It is a well-known fact that while fighting in World War II, Edward was less afraid of dying than he was of wearing male undergarments.

After the war, Edward joined the circus to appear as a sideshow freak. His act consisted of eating living trees. Presumably because this wasn't freaky enough, he later became a secondary transvestite. Dressing up as a woman first, quickly followed by dressing up as a man once again. The circus audience loved this act so much, that his star rose to incredible heights, and so did his wood. The next logical step for Eddy was to make a career in showbusiness, thus becoming a director of scientific porno and softcore fiction.

Edward met actor Béla "The Count" Lugosi in a café on the corner of Sunset Blvd. and Sesame Street in 1956. Ed convinced him to star in his new film Plan 9 From Outer Space], which was to be set on the moon. Sadly enough, Lugosi was killed in a bicycling accident the next day. Wood, who already shot some scenes with Lugosi that very morning, subsequently hired an obvious stand-in to complete filming.

Wood would often employ the same group of people in his films. He was often surrounded by vampires, including Vampira, Blacula and Nosferatu, who is best known for his role in Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens.

Death

Cquote1 Why? WHY?!?! He was so young! Cquote2
- Tommy Wiseau on Wood's death.
Cquote1 He was everything I aspired to be. Rest in peace man! Cquote2
- Michael Bay on Ed's pass.

Ed Wood died in 1999 when he was filming a movie about rabid dogs. All of a sudden, the trained pack of Shitzus attacked Wood and his crew, as they were all eaten alive. A funeral with 10 people was held in a Stucky's parking lot. However, Wood's ghost has been spotted on occasions at a pornographic video store, looking at the elderly people isle. Wood's ghost states he will visit Uwe Boll, a director who was inspired by him on his birthday to help him make a Bio-Dome prequel. Only Boll's freind Ronald McDonald is aware of this.

Filmography

Cquote1 My inspiration for film making!. Cquote2
- Tom Green after viewing "Glen or Glenda".
Plan9Poster

Each Plan 9 prequel had a very similar poster. Pictured is Plan 6.

  • Glen or Glenda (1953)
  • Ben or Benda (1954)
  • Poop: The Movie (1956)
  • Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)
  • Plan 10 from Outer Space (1960)
  • Pen or Penda (1960)
  • Plan 11 from Outer Space (1962)
  • Our Freinds: The KKK (1963) (Educational Film)
  • Plan 8 from Outer Space (1963)
  • Plan 7 from Outer Space (1964)
  • Plan 6 from Outer Space (1965)
  • Plan 5 from Outer Space (1966)
  • Plan 4 from Outer Space (1967)
  • Plan 3 from Outer Space (1968)
  • Plan 2 from Outer Space (1969)
  • Plan 1 from Outer Space (1970)
  • Thinking of a Plan from Outer Space (1971)
  • Plan 9 from the Closet (1972) (Gay porno)
  • Jen or Jenda (1973)
  • Plan 69 from Outer Space
  • Spen or Spenda (1974)
  • Attack of the Android Turds (1975)
  • Debbie Does Adolf Hitler (1976) (Pornographic film)
  • Debbie Does Herself (1978) (Pornographic film)
  • 9 Plan Space from Outer (1980) (Made while Wood was high)
  • Plan 12 from Outer Space (1980)
  • Debbie Does Me (1981) (Pornographic film)
  • Babies Gone Wild!!! (1982) (Pornographic film)
  • Toddlers Gone Wild!!! (1984) (Pornographic film)
  • Hen or Henda (1985)
  • Debbie Does Glen and\or Glenda (1986) (Pornographic film)
  • Plan 1,023,789,348,150,258,346,776,570,936,874,239,098,429,247,225,975,125,366, from Outer Space (1988)
  • Debbie Does Lobo (1991) (Pornographic film)
  • Sir Takesadump Takes a Dump (1992)
  • Colnel Bullshit meets Sir Takesadump (1993)
  • Colnel Bullshit goes to Camp (1995)
  • The mis-adventures of General Ballsack (1996)
  • Debbie Does General Ballsack (1997) (Pornographic film)
  • Attack of the Rabid Dogs from Hell!! (1999) (Never finished production)

External links

Filmmakers of the World
Epic Visionaries

Ingmar Bergman | Peter Bogdanovich | Robert Bresson | Charlie Chaplin | Coen Brothers | Cecil B. De Mille | Clint Eastwood | Federico Fellini | John Ford | D.W. Griffith | Alfred Hitchcock | Abbas Kiarostami | Sergio Leone | Martin Scorsese | Steven Spielberg | Andrei Tarkovsky | Orson Welles | James Cameron | Akira Kurosawa

Not-So-Epic Visionaries

Michael Bay | Tim Burton | Ken Burns | John Carpenter | Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer | Mel Gibson | Tom Green | Spike Lee | George Lucas | Dolph Lundgren | McG | Michael Moore | Leonard Nimoy | Guy Ritchie | George Romero | Joel Schumacher | M. Night Shyamalan | Alan Smithee | Billy Bob Thornton | Tommy Wiseau | John Woo | Ed Wood | Rob Zombie

Highly Respected in France

Woody Allen | Michelangelo Antonioni | Darren Aronofsky | Mel Brooks | Sofia Coppola | Jean-Luc Godard | Jim Jarmusch | Charlie Kaufman | Jerry Lewis | David Lynch | Nicolas Winding Refn | Rob Schneider | Remi Gaillard | Lars von Trier

Highly Confusing in Japan
Terry Gilliam | Akira Kurosawa | Russ Meyer | Quentin Tarantino
Highly Disturbing in Mexico

Guillermo del Toro

Highly Racist in Suid-Afrika

Neill Blomkamp

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