Ed, Edd n Eddy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|Ed, Edd n Eddy|
|Genre||Cartoon soap opera|
|Stars|| Matt Damon|
Samuel L. Jackson
|No. of episodes||131|
Ed, Edd n Eddy is a '90s American television show that aired on Cartoon Network. The show initially ended its run after four long seasons, but was renewed for two more after proving to be popular with teens. It was one of CN's last good shows, before all the crap came along.
The show focuses on the lives of 12 children living in the fictional town of Peach Creek (aka: the Cul-De-Sac). The main stars of the show are three kids who have "Ed" in their names and are best friends. A typical episode involves them trying to scam the other kids for jawbreaker money, but these scams fail horribly most of the time and the Eds are usually left in some predicament that usually involves them getting their asses brutally kicked.
- Ed – An idiot with the same IQ as a moldy wedge of Port Salut. He often encounters difficulty in completing impossible tasks, such as: buttering toast, blinking and breathing, with his greatest achievement being getting himself dressed. Though he is good at being a woodpecker with dirt. He has a little sister who abuses him if he doesn't do what she bids of him.
- Edd (Double D) – A genius surrounded by total idiots. He's like MacGyver and can build stuff out of common household items. He can calculate the distance from Earth to the sun down to nanometers just like that. For this reason, the neighborhood kids like him slightly more than the other Eds. It's probably because of his slick black ski hat.
- Eddy – The leader of the Eds and the Cul-De-Sac's resident prick. Eddy has an obsession with money and jawbreakers, mainly because jawbreakers look like dragon's eggs and, according to an urban legend, eating them is considered to be good luck. However, this is clearly a lie, as Eddy gets his ass kicked in pretty much every episode of the show.
- Sarah – Ed's loud and deranged little sister. Sarah is typically seen with her
friend/bitch, Jimmy, the town's personal punching bag. Sarah loves Jimmy so much that she makes anyone who harasses Jimmy into her personal punching bag. The reality is that she looks and acts like a preteen slut. Oh and Jimmy is a dumbass. This spoiled brat thinks, that she is the king of this known world. She also wields great strength, like a weightlifter. If Sarah doesn't get what she want's, she'll implode and destroy the universe with her another unique ability: a big mouth... Don't get any ideas now.
- Jimmy – An effeminate, wimpy boy who plays with dolls and rides tricycles. He is the town's personal punching bag who gets his ass kicked by the Eds, the Kids, the math club, the sewing club, chess team, the band, cheerleaders, the sports teams, and everyone else. Sarah is pretty much Jimmy's only friend. Besides Mr. Yum Yum, a stuffed bunny which was devoured and mutilated by Ed.
hnny 2x4 and Plank – An annoying maniac who has a piece of wood, Plank, as his only friend. Long ago, Jonny saved Plank from a woodchipper by putting his hand inside and grabbing him, that's how much Jonny loves him and how insane he really is. In addition, Jonny has a superhero alter-ego, Captain Melonhead. He always calls himself "Jonny" with no 'h' and adds a '2x4' to his name for some reason.
- Rolf – Rolf was born in some mysterious lands, where people talk in 3rd person and celebrate retarded customs. Rolf owns a farm in his backyard where he keeps his pig Wilfred, and his goat, Victor. Like Johnny, he is not a normal person (not even in his own country) and many have questioned where Rolf is from (Stuttgart - Germany is a hypothesis), but Uncyclopedia has the answer (see here). Rolf is often seem to be confused with the rest of the kids, since he has plenty of stash in his crib, like a Great Nana's Kittystone Kitchen. Rolf honors the fine arts of warriorship: In one of the episodes, Rolf battled Eddy over a bottomless pit, using only raw fish. Rolf is the biggest carnivore in these parts, since his shacks are filled with radioactive meat that is obviously home-grown — which may be why his hair is blue.
- Nazz – The hot, sexy chick who has big boobs and was always in a good mood thanks to her prescription. She is the head cheerleader at Peach Creek Junior High, although she got kicked off of the team when she refused to shave her hairy legs or take off the implants that on her cleavage. For some reason, every guy that isn't gay or foreign in the neighborhood tries to get in bed with her. So far, only Eddy has been successful, after he scored at the end of the movie, but being such the ladies man he is he didn't seem to care that much.
- Kevin – The local juggalo Jock enemy faggoteer and bully to others, he feels that picking on everyone will help even out his horrible life. The funny thing is that he picks on the Eds (whom are three best friends) and he has no friends himself, which is hilarious. His family owns a hybrid, which only makes matters worse for Kevin, because of this, the children constantly tease him and call him a "Activist's Bitch". He is known for calling people dorks, when Kevin himself is secretly a dork too, and a poser+-loser. He is butthurt and insecure. Just hates to admit it though. No poseur, be happy though.
- The Kanker Sisters – White trailer-trash bitches who are desperate and retarded enough to go for the Eds. They simply like basking in people's misery, coming out of nowhere and coupling with the Eds any time the writers can't think of anything else. Lee Kanker is the boss bitch of The Kanker Sisters. A ginger with a New York accent. She sexually harasses Eddy every day of the week like her sisters do to the rest of the other Eds. Marie Kanker is the one with a crush on Double D and has blue hair (it's not dyed, but from a genetic mutation their father contracted after making love with a sewer creature without wearing a condom).
- Eddy's Brother (Matthew McGee) – The mildly spoken about and the series’ “unseen” character, Eddy’s brother, appears in the series finale “Ed Edd n Eddy’s Big Picture Show” to reprise his role as the neighborhood pedophile, the reason why he took off and went to live at the Mondo-A-Go-Go amusement park. Although his younger brother, Eddy, had profusely praised the child molester throughout the series, the guy just proves to be a sociopathic white trash asshole who takes joy in torturing other white trash kids. In the series finale, the other kids saw how horribly Eddy's brother was molesting Edd, they fought back by having the door on his trailer slammed in his face. After that, Eddy's brother was finished off when he was molested by the Kankers.
Due to their tendency to cancel shows that are actually good, Danny Antonucci betrayed the network in 2007 and moved to Disney Channel on a 7-month contract, after which came back to CN to direct Big Picture Show. He was still pissed he got a $70 pay deduction. This has also left some fans wondering...how long before the spin-off?