Easy-Bake Oven

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

The Easy-Bake oven is a professional standard oven for commercial use produced by Claudia Kemmer. Original utilizing a compact Nuclear reactor the modern edition instead uses a Fusion Generator due to increased energy output. To this date only 700 ovens have been produced and due to possible secondary uses as a Weapon of Mass Destruction, a three day waiting period and background check is required with each purchase of an Easy-Bake.

edit Development

300px-Father and daughter w Easy Bake Oven

Oppenhiemer and his lover Matilda with the first prototype

Original plans for the Easy-bake were developed in 1948 as a side project of physicist J. Robert Oppenheimer as a fun way to use up a few of the large stock pile of nuclear reactors left over in Oppenheimer's shed after The Manhattan Project. However the work was eventually abandoned due to Procrastination and a desire to get back to making huge bombs. Oppenheimer only produced one prototype a cubic meter lead lined nuclear powered Easy-Bake decorated with flower motifs. It later became nicknamed Big Bertha. In 1963 out of work seamstress Claudia Kemmer was sifting through a local dump for food when she came across the original Easy-Bake Prototype. Seeing the value of the oven as a toy for children Claudia quickly claimed the invention as her own and filed a patent. Claudia was succesfully granted a loan by the 53rd Chicago bank of commerce and began production of the Easy-bake in south east asia due to high illegality of producing nuclear devices in America and the time.

edit Initial production

Claudia's initial production model, the Easy-bake t57 (ET57)began in 1976 and ran only 5000 models before a factory recall was issued due to poor atomic containment and ineffectual lead lining standards. This rookie mistake almost bankrupted Claudia, however she was able to cut a deal with the U.S.S.R in exchange for supplying the soviets with excess uranium from the Easy-bake they provided funds for her to continue in her work. However these dealings had to be kept secret and later resulted in the 1984 black bag massacre. With the Soviet help Claudia released the ET80 which sold over 100,000 models within the first year and continues to this day having sold well over 5,000,000.

edit Critical Reception

The ET80 model was quickly picked up by super-market chain WalMart where it met with incredible success. The ET80 became revered as an American icon of the 1970's and a by word for the atomic age. Due to its speed and efficiancy at cooking and irradiating meals the ET80 was also picked up by the United States defence force for use in its super mutant programs.

“ I think there was a time in America's history where there was not one family tat didn't have an easy-bake certianly no one in my generation doesn't get a hit of nostalgia everytime they see something green and glowing. The the 'easy-bake is as important to American history as apple pie or god”
~ U.s president Barack Obama commentating on the Easy-bake with probably no financhial motivation

edit The black bag massacre

During the 1980's the Easy-bake oven had come under suspicion of dealing with Soviet Russia. In 1981 the C.I.A begun a series of investigation codenamed operation half-baked that looked into Easy-bakes communist ties. By 1984 the C.I.A had gathered enough intelligence to arrest the entire Easy-bake executive staff. An expert team was assembled to take down Easy-bake at the premiere of their new oven the T45. During the final speech of the night C.I.A operatives descended from the roof onto the proceedings and aressted the enitre present staff and had them exiled to Canada.

“Death was too good for them”
~ Anon Cia operative

Easy-bake founder Claudia was not present during the night but ended her life after a year at large. The future of the easy-bake was uncertain. The Soviet fund supply had been cut off.

Currently the easy-bake continues to be produced by a small group of anon. investors.

Personal tools