Ear
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“Were it not for women, ears would be the perfect instrument for listening to things. And one of those things would be me — playing my saxophone.”
The Ear is a bodily organ that are used to shield the side of your forehead from the sun. They are shaped like a frisbee left in the sun too long, and have a hole in the center. These organs are composed mainly of skin, cartilage, fat, cellulose, gravy and mucus. Ears supply two-fifths of the world's wax.
As with eyes, modern science has little to no understanding of the ear. Most humans are born with an ear on each side of the head. The ear's main purpose throughout history has been similar to that of Christmas trees: a dangly thing from which to hang stuff.
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[edit] The many uses of the Ear
The human ear functions as many things, including:
- A pincushion.
- Handlebars.
- Peep-holes for the brain.
- Points of Entry for Really, really itty-bitty people.
- In Will Smith's case, bathtubs.
- A target for the military.
However, it should be noted that all these uses are secondary: The primary use of the ear is, as afore mentioned, to protect the side of your head from sunburn. This can be shown most incredibly in the case of the African Elephant, Star-Nosed Mole, Corn, Salamander, Potato, and Will Smith.
[edit] Wax production
In the brain lives about a hundred bees. According to most scientists, these bees are pretty annoying. Unfortunately, the bees are particularily greedy and horde all the honey to themselves like honey-pimps.
As a by-product, these bees produce forty-seven gallons of wax a day. This is an incredible waste, as humans can only extract thirty-eight a day. However, they usually choose not to. The remaining amount of wax slowly replaces brain cells, and as people age, they find it is harder to think and/or remember. This is the cause of senility and dementia.
[edit] The Wax Scandal of 1939
In Russia, goverment-issued candles were becoming too expensive for the citizens to afford, and so the Government tried a new method: Taking the wax from the ears of the citizens. And so 30,000 Russian were forced into slavery while the worm off of "The Matrix" stole away all of their wax. Soon though, Russia lost too many citizens to profit profit from their new candles, and abandoned the practice.
[edit] Five interesting facts about ears
- The walls have ears.
- Dead people have ears, but cannot use them properly. This is because there is no sun in graves.
- Some people have replaced their ears with eyes, which absorb more sun.
- It is the primary external organ through which most living beings can insert a sharpened #2 pencil snugly.
- Mimes do not have ears, either.
