European Union
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“It is every person's right to demand to know what we're doing, and it's our right to ignore those people”
~ European union on policy
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| National Motto: "Where Hitler and Napoleon failed..." | ||
| National Anthem: Deutchsland uber alles, Gott Save der Dominifuhrer | ||
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| Official language | German (because the Germans threatend to start another world war) | |
| Size | 469 million km
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| Population | 500 million minus UK population | |
| Capital | Brussels (actual), Berlin (legal) | |
| Government | Superpower | |
| Fuhrer | Angela Merkel | |
The European Union (eehyou), also known as Großdeutschland, is the most evil and foul superpower that has ever been created. Despite efforts of the Germans ruining the genetic pool with their presence, it still looks strikingly evil for its age, which it attributes to drinking 1.5 liters of pure arctic urine water per day. On 1st of january of 2008, EU has become the empire, ruled by the biggest country, Slovenia (They have cruel intentions, especially with Germans and communists...)
With a respectable acting career, pee pee poo poo four enterprises and creating the entire Western Civilisation, it is currently enjoying a well deserved holiday in Helsinki. The European Union is also famous for its 1980s hit "The Final Countdown". After witnessing the downfall of the British Empire, the European Union felt sorry and offered a rather nice villa in the Ardèche region. Allegedly, the EU is currently dating Asia after ending a 60 year long marriage with the USA. The divorce was a quite a struggle and their children (Canada, Falkland Islands, and the Freemasons), are under treatment with Dr Phil and Oprah, with House waiting in the wings to clean up.
The initially a Franco-German agreement which, after realizing that neither could create an evil empire alone got together to create one together, has evolved into the geographical entity that ends at the eastern border of Greece, but includes Cyprus and Kurdistan. (Don't ask me, I wasn't invited when they were drawing the borders.) This cultural entity based on three different sorts of Christianity has tens of millions of Muslim members in and out of the geographical borders (they're not Mexicans, but something else, I don't know what).
This is an economic entity whose borders aren't yet specified, as everyone is seeking the cheapest tricks to make an honest euro. (there are about 50 different sorts of euros to make, some of them cost 300 euros). This empire is located in Europe (it is not an African nation, that is). Or, if you don't like the definition until now, an international conspiracy giving away free money in return for money or a perfect looking silk Gucci scarf.
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[edit] History
The European Union was established in 1983 at the signing of the treaty of Scheisseranuse in Dutchland. The idea was to combine the coal, steel and sex toy outputs of the 12 signatory countries (Dutchland, France, Britain, Israel, the Alps, Iceland, Éire, Malta, Russia, Disneyland and The Pink Unicorn(The Pink and the Unicorn, 2 countries)). This would allow a common policy and battle more effectively on the international market for coal, steel and sex toys during the so called 'cold war'.
Due to colonization, the European Union's expansion was at its high around 2000 AD. At this point in history there existed only three states: the European Union, the Empire of Russia and the Japanese Empire. However, it must be said that it could take a long time to cross the border: at the European - Japanese bordercrossing of Tibet - Korea, it could take up to three months before you could cross the border. The United Kingdom experienced a military coup overthrowing the Labour Party and declaring the UK's independance from the European Union, Although previously merely a figurehead Queen Elizabeth II now actively participates in the running of the country along with the leader of the revolution, General Windsor.
Around 2020 the Europeans thought that maybe colonization wasn't such a good idea as they thought it would have been. So they sought for ways to exploit other countries better, as such decolonization was invented by Tony Blair in 2023. Several countries were decolonized in a fast way and they were given following classification:
- Type I - country: A country in which all indigenous people had been eradicated, so the descendants of the colonizers could remain in power;
- Type II - country: A country in which there were still a lot of indigenous people, but which the Europeans could exploit better if they gained independance;
- Type III - country: A mixture of a type I - and type II - country: lots of indigenous people had been eradicated, however Europeans could exploit these countries better if they gained independance, because the descendants of the colonizers could remain in power;
- Type IV - country: A country in which Type II - independance failed;
- Type V - country: A country that wasn't colonized, but should have been
The Supreme Commander of the League of Leaders of the Supreme Council of the League of Followers of the European Union (TSCOTLOLOTSCOTLOFOTEU), Adolph Hitler, planned to add a copy of a travel guide he wrote, while serving a prison sentence for defrauding a Jewish Leprechaun in a game of rock, paper scissors during the eclipse of the 4th moon on Cassopiea, to newly setup designated camping sites around the Union entitled 'Mein Kampf' with every purchase of bar of coal or steel. As the bars were only sold in straight versions, they could only be bought by straight people. That would leave only the raving homsexuals who would buy the sex toys (to be marketed later) in the Union. The sex toys in turn would be supplied with booklets on homosexual reproduction. This booklet is nowadays widely available for educational purposes especially in the middle east, where it sells under the trade name 'Koran' or as know colloqially 'Qu'ran'. Within 20 years this would lead to a new generation of homosexuals which would on masse be taught so called 'Fighting and Armaments Games' at school, more commonly known as F.A.G. school, to prepare the final battle against the camping straights.
The main tool used in the F.A.G. schools was a propaganda movie called 'Star Wars'. Since this was the first time the students (more commonly called as F.A.G.gers or faggers) learned about war, this movie is now referred to as The Great War or the First World War, WWI. Another Tool developed to drive the faggers to the edge of insanity and bloodlust was provided by a small startup company called microsoft, entitled 'Blue Screen of Death'.
War (European Civil War) finally erupted beteen the straights and the bends (so called as second generation faggots of homosexual parents of the first and second kind suffered from a deficiency of Kryptonium in their bloodstream leading to a 23 degree Celsius left bending penis) in 1939 when the faggots invaded the camps in Poland. After a short battle the bends were quickly beaten by the straights when the straights started mass producing uranium tipped buttplugs on UrAnus and dropping them from star-destroyers in lower elliptocirulaoidiminaximaloidal earth orbit on the advancing bends armies.
The leader of the straights, Anusin Vader, third lord of the Shit, ruthlessly caught Hitler and had him eat Indian food for three days straight as a punishment. All Gays and dykes were expulsed from the former Union, which led to the flooding of the original member country the Netherlands, and a new system of supranational government installed, whereby only partial powers were granted to the LOLOTSCOTLOFOTEU (League of Leaders of the Supreme Council of the League of Followers of the European Union) and more powers to the newly created states. A special island, separate from the union mainland was created from a mountain of shit donated by the United States of Anus (USA) to house all the raving homosexuals, called gayland, which later changed its name to Cyprus, in 1957 at the treaty of Rome.
Mainland Europe meanwhile was subdivided into bands arranged in lattitudonal fashion sub dividing the straights displaying certain degrees of homosexual behaviour. The ones deemed most like homosexuals were sent to the more southern bands of Europe and the ones deemed free from homosexual behaviour in the northern ones.
[edit] Institutions
The capital of the European Union is Brussels, although others say that it is The Hague or Strasbourg, or to just give it to Amsterdam and be done with it. Initially, Frankfurt was considered, but its inhabitants are too ugly and no longer live there. In reality, Brussel Sprouts is the capital, and Luxembourg is technically its bitch...too small to see.
- UEFA
- European Commission
- European Pretend Parliament
- European Economic and Social Committee
- Committee of Regions
- European Central Bank
- European County Council of Ministers
- Eurovision Song Contest
- EU Flakes Breakfast Cereal
- The Church of the Coming of the Beast
- The Red Light 666 Harlet Club
[edit] Symbols
The national dish of the EU is the Döner Kebab (grilled pieces of Chinese beef rolled into falafel, a typical EU bread). The ambassador is Hitler Shwarzennegger.
The flag of the Union personifies its devotion to human rights. 27 State members, 12 stars??? At least Hitler gave ALL the Jews a star!!!! It has a blue-ish color, because the contrast with yellow is striking, and can be seen all over Europe especially on dumpsters (*see Spain), and near the member countries` most popular bar (*see Romania).
The national anthem of the EU is Don't Stop Believin' by Journey, the greatest band ever not to give a shit about the EU and just wants their song brain washed into a new generation with virgin ears.
[edit] Currency
The Euro (officially pronounced: eek:U) or EUroTrash CaSh is the main form of currency forced onto people in the Dictatorship of the European Unionists as well as North Korea, Switzerland, Texas, California, and Antarctica. It is not to be confused with Eur-o's, a breakfast cereal created to promote the aforementioned currency. It is also know as the Uber Dollar. And it is not used in canada but a similar currency that has five lines instead two. One Euro is worth approximately 500USD (300M GBP).
The symbol for the Euro is €, which can be seen as either a C with a couple of lines through it, a funky E, or a U on skis, is the sign of the euro, which intends to take over Western Europe. However, it has been unsuccessful with some countries who see past its nice-looking exterior to see its evilness, or who realized that € is far more useful as the indicator for energon.
[edit] Member States
The EU currently has 20-30 member states, give or take 5. Everyone is confused, really. Some are member states, but won't use the euro, "'cause it sucks". Others are members, but not really, as they just joined, and they want the money, basically. Those with the money want to make sure they hold on to it as much as possible. Some states are too small to count as states, so they get invaded by the EU (e.g., Monaco). No one knows how many member states the EU has.
To enter the EU, a country must participate in the Eurovision song contest for 3 consecutive years prior to entry, with the exception of Israel (they need to visit Eurocamp Industrial Showerboothes for "activities") and Turkey (reason for non-admittance unclear but we can assure them that it has nothing to do with their majority religion. Nothing at all).
Other Entry Requirements include :
1. A Flag
2. A National Anthem
3. 2 valid forms of ID, including a driving licence and something with your address on
[edit] European Legislation
The Treaty of Masticate established the European Hyper-Parliament and enabled it to produce Ultra-legislation in some limited areas. The same treaty also established the European Court of Ultimate Justice to enforce legislation and to jump up and down on Hitler's grave. There are two major types of EU Legislation; Directives and Regulations.
[edit] Directives
Directives are used to legislate bad things. Directives are created through an arcane mixture of voodoo, black magic, hatred, pure evil and Phil Collins CDs by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra featuring Jay-Zee
Some examples of directives are:
- European Hatred Directive (EC-H4t3D)
- European Satanic Directive (EC-54T4n1c)
- European Genocide Directive (EC-63n0c1D3)
- European Hitler Moustache Directive (EC-H1t13r)
[edit] Regulations
Regulations are the counterpoint of Directives in that they legislate only good things. Regulations are created by mixing kittens, love, lurve, sugar, syrup, puppies, candy, sex, happiness, chocolate, polar bear cubs, honey and Nelson Mandela together in a big mixing bowl and stirring until those cute little sad-eyes just pop out of their cutesy lil' heads!
Some examples of regulations are:
- European World-Peace Regulation (EC-P34c3-N0w)
- European Cutesy-Wootsey Kitty-Cat Regulation (EC-5000-Cut3)
- European Snuggle-Bunnie Regulation (EC-5nU6613-3uNN13)
- European Mahatma Gandhi Regulation (EC-M4h4tm4-64nDh1)
[edit] Provinces
- Austria (Annexed by E.U. in 1995 Anschluss II.)
- Belgium (the one that holds the money and, strangely, shares it with the other members), except the E.U. wants to partition that country: Flanders goes to the Dutch, Walloons join the French and the eastern ends return to Germany.)
- Bulgaria (Joined to grab the money.)
- Croatia (they never want the Serbs back.)
- Cyprus (joined to get the Turkish out.)
- Czech Republic (do you know better option how to make the Austrians angry and earn money?)
- Denmark (Because.. the UK'ers joined, and since Denmark follows the big countries on every descision, the move was obvious!)
- Great Britain (officially doesn't exist without a separate parliament in the House of Commons, nor the European Council Parliamentary building. )
- Estonia wants to show to the EU, who are the Estonian electritians and Estonians can be found fixing switch boxes in England.
- Finland (joined because - um, Russia didn't.)
- France (joined to get an opportunity to dump manure outside government buildings in Bruxelles.)
- Germany (Started it to finally get some lebensraum. Heimat!)
- Greece (joined so that their polititians stop working alongside the rest of the greeks/ having someone else dealing their financial messes. european states are never controlled about gas chambers)
- Hungary (joined for the money and free travel - ignoring that they could travel free before as well.)
- Ireland (so that GB would not be the only one in union with Belfast).
- Italy (Joined for the nice fireworks on the union celebration party).
- Latvia (see Estonia).
- Lithuania (see Latvia).
- Luxembourg (joined just to force the others recogizing Luxembourgish as a language. Also the Belgian province has the same name...uh oh.)
- Malta (joining the EU was the next best thing to being under the Italian, Greek, Spanish, French, and British rules once again, which they really enjoyed. Really.)
- Monaco (will join as soon as it is declared Euro tax exempt, and its casinos are guaranteed the right to remain in existence).
- The Netherlands (Joined for the free traffic of East European girls to feed the Red Light District).
- Norway, Iceland and Faeroe Islands (officially not in the E.U. but as members of the Council of Europe, they still get the free stuff. UNFAIR.)
- Poland (joined because kinda had to, being in Europe's centre and all, and to give Russia the finger. They really want to make peace with Germany.)
- Portugal (prefered to be at the edge of something instead of the middle of nowhere.)
- Romania (Need broader market for its drug exports and children for sale.)
- Serbia (one of 5 nations waiting in line: cuts in front of Albania, Belarus, Bosnia-Hercegovina, Macedonia, Moldovia, Montenegro and Ukraine.)
- Slovenia (They felt so alone without Yugoslavia.)
- Slovakia a good way how to make the Hungarians angry and get some money.)
- Spain (another one that joined for the money and got all of it.)
- Sweden (joined because - um, Finland did.)
- Turkey (the most populous, the most Islamic, the least developed, the least democratic, overly patriotic and hardly in Europe, Istanbul sits on the small part across the Bosphorus).
- Wales (Considered a country, followed by Scotland, Isle of Man, Northern Ireland and Cornwall when it's finished with England.)
- The Vatican (Will join, however, needs permission from the Jesii Union.)
- The Vatican't (will become a member, though it can't join now.)
- Andorra, Gibraltar, Liechtenstein, Monaco and San Marino (they don't have to join the EU, but they're missing out. Hey, join the club!)
[edit] Famous Quotes
“We look horrible compared to the people of the European continent! ”
~ U.K Population
“EU is paradiso!”
~ The 26 other members states
| Northern Europe | Channel Islands · Denmark · Estonia · Faroe Islands · Finland · Guernsey · Iceland · Ireland · Isle of Man · Latvia · Lithuania · Norway · Old Jersey · Sealand · Svalbard · Sweden · United Kingdom | 
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| Western Europe | Austria · Belgium · Corsica · France · Germany · Liechtenstein · Luxembourg · Monaco · Netherlands · Switzerland | |
| Eastern Europe | Belarus · Bulgaria · Czech Republic · Hungary · Moldova · Poland · Romania · Russia · Slovakia · Ukraine | |
| Southern Europe | Albania · Andorra · Balearic Islands · Bosnia and Herzegovina · Croatia · Cyprus · Gibraltar · Gozo · Greece · Italy · Kosovo · Macedonia · Madeira · Malta · Montenegro · Portugal · San Marino · Serbia · Sicily · Slovenia · Spain · Vatican City |
