From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
EPS, or Emo Punching Syndrome is a disease which causes a person to punch an Emo. This dreaded affliction can strike any time an Emo is in your presence, and will result in the sufferer punching an Emo many times, usually in the face, throat, and/or kidneys. If a female Emo is being punched, the ovaries may also be a sought-after target.
EPS was discovered in 1994 when an outbreak of Emo punching gained worldwide attention. Considered to be a threat to security, the 15th Cambodian Council hired a team of scientists to discover its origin. A series of classified tests involving EPS patients kidnapped from the neighbouring country of Ohio, Emos, and many breeds of gerbil were conducted at the Council's urging. After many gruelling days of research a cause was found. Where the cause went after it was found, no one is really sure. Many experts speculate that it is in the imagination of small children everywhere; that or running numbers for crime families in Nepal.
the cure for eps is to check if your cock can reach your ass and if it can then go fuck yourself. if it cant then u have a pencel dick and u have a reason to be emo and should go kill yourself but then the world would have one less punching bag.
More on EPS
- EPS has spread violently and is the fasting growing disease in the world today; one out of every five people have been afflicted with EPS at one point in their lives. Many people such as Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Optimus Prime, and several species of bear have all been diagnosed with EPS.
- If you contract EPS, the best thing to do is find the nearest Emo and punch them. Studies show that if you punch enough Emos the disease will receed until the next time you access Myspace or the next full moon, whichever comes first. Please note that excessively beating an Emo, while incredibly fun and entertaining, will only make the disease receed; there is no known cure.
- EPS, although called "punching" syndrome isn't limited to punching. Kicking, elbowing, and beating an Emo with a baseball bat are also options.
- EPS was successfully used as a defence in the O.J. Simpson trial.
- Because of the alarming spread of EPS, 80% more Emos cut themselves on a daily basis.
- EPS is a side effect of Super AIDS.
- The EPA, Emo Punchers Anonymous, a support group for families with cases of EPS, meets every Thursday in Belgium. But since Belgium doesn't exist neither do these meetings.
- Listening to Emo music can cause severe outbreaks of EPS. A study by famous sufferers Norris, Lee and Prime found that between thirty and sixty Emos can be maimed by the time the EPS-induced fury subsides.
- Chuck Norris has killed 389 Emos as a result of EPS outbrakes. He has also killed 3,897 Goths for unknown or unrelated reasons.
- July 7 2007 was celebrated as EPS Awareness Day across America. Casuality reports as still being complied.
EPS is not to be confused with Elmo Punching Syndrome (ElPS) or with Kitten Punching Syndrome (KPS) which are both similar but completely unrelated diseases.