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“Yeah, me and Robbie Burns like totally did it at the Monkey Bar”
““In Soviet Russia, couches burn YOU.””
The second capital of New Zealand, also known as Scarfy-ville, Dunedin is a small, frigid settlement on the Pacific coast of New Zealand. It is home to 20,000 intoxicated students and 90,000 joyless rustics. For their own safety, the students are confined to the the north end of the city, around the campuses of the University of Otago, Dunedin College of Education and Otago Polytechnic. Dunedin is the self proclaimed "Independent ghetto of the South" (see ODT, below)
His Lord Excellency Mayor Peter Chin rules over Dunedin's helpless residents with an authoritarian fist, imposing constricting laws and regulations such as the Blue Recyling Bin Project, which affect every Dunedinite.
The culture in Dunedin is varied, with activities in the student precinct based on the daily skipping of morning and afternoon lectures, binge drinking, and associated vomiting. Couch-burning, keg-racing, and throwing assorted items into the Water of Leith compliment these activities. Students from all over New Zealand are known to come down, not to go to the medical school, but to try and score 6 fingered girls.
The indigenous culture of Dunedin outside of students is focused on staying warm and the phallic wang.
In 1875, Dunedin was the site of New Zealand's first sporting riots.
In 2006 North Dunedin was the site of a war "comparable to Palestine" as mobs of thousands of angry students took to Castle Street and burnt couches, police officers and each other.
The penguin displayed in the picture is a minion of the mighty "turtle" who attacked and successfully conquered the pitifully defended city. All hail King Turtle! Turtle has also has enslaved a female named Emily and has her do his bidding, cuz she's his hoe.
Lord High Mayor Chin and the Puppet Master Malcolm Farry have decided that Dunedin needs a new stadium with a roof. However this stadium almost did not begin after Lord High Mayor Chin accidentally smashed into something. Later on the Dept. of Labour ruled that Lord High Mayor Peter Chin had not correctly displayed his A plates. Despite this, Malcom Farry or FAZZA! as he likes to be called will continue building his erm um 'Dunedin' stadium because otherwise Dunedin ratepayers' money would be spent on something stupid, like making sure poo doesnt wash up on the beach, giant teeth statues or maybe a small island in the pristine waters of the inlet.
Dunedin was home to the infamous Cave. The Cave was a party house in Dalmore, that got trashed every night. The Tenants, Scott Baskett and Billiegh Ihaia, reportedly a former prostitute, were evicted because of the state of the house. It will remain in our hearts forever. RIP.
Also another disgusting filthy student flat was the Malvern Street house, home of the Legendary Malvern Street boys. They abandoned this house and relocated because of the condition of the place, and also because it was always cold.
Dunedin has its own regional television channel, Channel 9. Those who turn their TV sets to this frequency have either done it by accident or are checking to see it CowTV is on yet. CowTV is a locally owned and operated program. It features recaps of recent sports events, walk of shame and trolley racing. Despite their obvious attempts at creating a television programme that is both funny and irreverent, CowTV is, in fact, so boring and poorly produced that it makes one long for the endless loop of tourist footage that normally plays on Channel 9. Channel 9 also has a children's program with Anita Cumming as presenter, not that anyone watches it -- ever.
Dunedin is the base of an incendiary underground left-wing newspaper called the Otago Daily Times, known for its radical and well-researched treatment of all socio-economic issues related to sheep. It is the only independently owned daily newspaper in New Zealand and attempts to assert this independence through unapologetically racist reporting. The newspaper once prided it self on being New Zealand's best daily newspaper in the Qantas Media Awards, however this title was justifiably stripped after it published nude photos of Helen Clark, rendering the entire city blind. As a result the ODT's claim to fame was changed to the "Independent Voice of the South" which to be honest, sounds pretty faggy.
Most right-thinking people, however, get their news from the ASPA-award winning student magazine Critic-Te Arohi, which is much more pleasant to read: that is, if you consider reading about local and international affairs written by self-important students whose jokes rarely translate outside of the editorial committee's inner-circle and whose time would be better spent on their studies "pleasant". Like many student periodicals, "Critic" goes to great lengths to show just how irreverent they can be and consequently find themselves guilty of trying too hard. Case in point, the magazine utilises the word "cunt" five times as often as the ODT in a bid to class itself as cutting edge and funny, failing to recognise the yawn factor and lack of cleverness of such overuse.