Bins

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Photo lg tehran
Not a bin.

“His majesty is like a big jam doughnut with cream on the top.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Oscar Wilde

Bins have been around for many hundreds of years now. Of course the advanced metal container for waste we know and love today is a far cry from the early bins. Early bin users and makers could have only dreamt of the immense advance in bin technology. We are about to take a look at the history of bins from their creation all the way through to the present day where every house in the world {and some on mars} have at least 20 bins.

Such has been the humble bin's influence on mankind, that many people today worship bins, and have founded a religion based on bins missleading named 'rationology'. Famous members of the bin religion include Rob Flynn, Ron Paul, Jean Alesi, Peter Andre, William Shatner and Captain Planet. Followers of this religion maintain that every person is an immortal spiritual being (called a cretin) and that you can release your inner spirit and become immortal by throwing shit loads of cash in to as many bins as possible.

edit History

edit Early History

Essey bin bin waste paper
An early bin.

During the 1780s times were bleak and people were bleaker. Men couldn't get up in the morning without having heaps of rubbish land upon their defenseless heads. Partly this was down to the lack of head protection or as we call it now the 'head bin' but that's a little off the point. One warm summers day when the people were just getting up to work 28 hours a day down the mill for 4 pence every 6 years an idea hit a man called John Bin like a ton of bricks.

This is ironic since bricks were not even invented till nearly 100 years later: see brick. Some argue that he actually said "this hit me like a ton of bins" and hence coined the expression however after huge exhaustive debate in parliament and by extensive research by america the conclusion was he was too smothered by the amount of rubbish landing on his face from the aforementioned awakening to care about witty remarks. After all as Oscar Wilde once said:

By the time that the bin was in early production in bin mills people were beginning to catch onto this new revolutionary idea and there was concerne that John Bin was a witch and wanted to wipe out farmers farms. Nowadays we put this down to random pockets of exploding soil around the farm. Many say the farmers thought John Bin was planting bins in their crops and causing these disasters. Hence the term 'a bin too far'. However these were disproved in 1901 by scientists in Russia when they explained that Bins were only PART of the problem and the real problem was Hitler.

Garbage Bin
Osama Bin Laden

edit Hard times and the 1800s

Once the mills were set up and churning out over 2 and a half bins per day and farmers had all but forgotten the so called bin farm disasters. A new problem emerged. Mill owners were paying the workers far too much. The owners of the place were going into debt and bin prices sky rocketed. The workers had almost enough money to pay the mill owner to let them work and this had to stop. Parliment issued a complete ban on bins known as BOB strategy of 1801. This was a complete failure. There were riots in the streets! People couldnt get out of bed in the morning with the fear of going into a binless city. Rumor has it that bineasys were set up by the mafia and people started using bins to not only dispose of rubbish but also to drink beer from and plant trees. This influx of drunkards planting trees caused what is now known as 'sherwood forest'.

From 1810 to 1820 there were huge economic fluctuations and this didn't settle until lemon trees were exhumed from bins around england and replanted to avoid stealery. This had a knock on effect causing lemonade known as nomelade in them days to skyrocket in value and soon this gold fluid was running through the streets and brains of the rich.

edit 1820 - 1900

1890s-Riga
A typical photo of the Bin age in action

In this 80 year period generations including Robert Frost grew up using bins for all sorts of crazy things. People threw bins into shop windows to steal. Some people built cannons from the bins to fire their rubbish at their neighbors.

One of the most bizarre uses was where people actually put their rubbish in the bin and left it there until the binmen came to collect it. Or as they thought in those days. We all know binmen are about as real as santa claus and the toothfairy.

People started exporting bins to europe in 1834 and from then on bin sales went from 2and a half a day to nearly 17.5 per week!

Bins were converted to drains in 1860 and thus it wasn't long before bin production spiraled into canal construction and sewer systems were rapidly spreading across the world.

edit 1900- present day

In 1900 the world was going up and up. People were working nearly 30 hours a day , a new record for the era and everyone was very happy. When the businessman got home he wanted a comfy bin to sit in so he can read his paper. The wife wanted a knife that would stay sharp so he gets her a bin. This is a pure example of how John Bins idea branched out into the most successful product known to man.

During world war 1 Bins were used to carry TNT and dropped from zepplins over the frontlines by Germany.France made their own version but it emptied itself of all TNT and buried itself in sandbags.

Bodum Assam TeaPress 1801
A tea bin.

John Bins idea actually lead onto the idea for the first tank and when this happened the brick soon followed as we all know. Bricks are used in warfare . The design was based on the shape of brick. In wales however this was a problem since they use triangular bricks instead of our normal hexagonal ones so this caused brick intubement and it resulted in hitler gaining power in germany and lead onto WW2

The Nazis bombed bin mills in london and newcastle under lyme but the bins they had were outmatched by head seeking bins fired from modified water drains imported from tehran

Nowdays Bins are used for everything. transport, lighting, heating, even you're computer was probably made from a rebunked bin but the recent rise in BIN theft for the metals has put a stop to sale somewhat. However if people look this article up they will know bins are made up of clay and wax and not metal at all. High voltage wires cause many deaths per year when people try and steal the battery bin which supplys the trains power.

In the home Bins are usually 29sided shapes grey in colour and come pre packed with rubbish with batteries not included.

A common bin use in society is the BFI bin used for storing garbage, illegal fireworks and dead bodies. Mysterious green or blue trucks collect the contents of the BFI bins on a specific day of the week. The FBI believes these trucks bring the trash to many sectors in every city. It is not known what is done with the garbage, but a common theory is that it is being used to charge a very powerful laser.

edit Trivia

Bugatti veyron preview
Also not a bin.

There are many problems with bins such as rat infestation. One man made a rather odd comment "WARUH BIN". This is thought to mean "RATS IN BY BIN" but we can't be sure.

  • Bins kill thousands of people every year when they suffer spontaneous bin combustion. This is a strange and deadly branch of the human form but much much more lethal. This is thought to center around a few areas and items. One hotspot for the combustion [no pun intended] is Norway, scientists put this down to the vast amounts of trees in the area. This lead george bush to add Norway to the Axis of evil along with Iran, Teh ran, the teddy named mohammed, Northern Swaziland and above all else, America.
  • All these places suffer the combustion problems however it has been known to surround bathroom drains and taps and even a common garden shovel. Bins should be kept away from drains and shovels at all times luckily nowadays you can take out (bin fire) or the so called [A BIN FULL OF WOE] insurance but your own health is more important than this.
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