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Dumb Dogs came around after they stopped being smart. Charles Darwin may have attributed their stupidity to the evolution of their ancestors, meaning that wolves used to smoke pot and hence all their descendants are equally mentally damaged.
Another theory is that dogs were never that smart in the first place. This is of course, ridiculous. Just look at Nintendogs.
The most probable origin, however, is that the dogs themselves all get together every 100 years to take some sort of mind-altering substance when we, the owners, are bsing too stupid to pay attention. Then when the dogs start running into glass doors, chase the mailman, pee on the couch, etc., we give credit to the dogs always being this way, never actually looking through the house to see where they've hidden their "stash".
This is also probably the cause of the increasing climb of possession of illegal substances. More and more teenagers who are in fact, dumber than their dogs, are caught in the possession of whatever drugs their dogs actually have, and the poor teenager isn't smart enough to understand what's going on. But the cops, of course, just say it's because of the drugs, and not because teenagers were always this way.
Symptoms of Being a Dumb Dog
To see if your dog is a dumb dog, ask yourself any of the following questions:
- Is my dog a dog?
If you answered 'Yes' to any of these questions, you can be pretty sure your dog is a dumb dog.
But other symptoms that you may not have known: - Illiteracy. What, you think that the dog was never able to read? Why do you think that they used to chase cars? They're trying to read the bumper stickers they have on!
- The inability to talk. Yes, this means, in fact, that Scooby-Doo is not a dumb dog.
- Sex drive. If you would just find the stash, you would never have to castrate your dog!
- The sudden desire to have their belly rubbed. While this is not a major symptom, this also is the earliest warning sign that your dog is on drugs.
The Science of Dumb-Doggedness
Since the dogs are too stoned out of their minds to actually understand why they are that dumb, we humans take it under our responsibility to study the effects of dumb-doggedness.
Note: The opinion of actual professionals were unavailable at the time of this article, due to the fact that they were all completely stoned out of their minds. No they are not dogs.
It is not known how the brain chemistry of being a dumb dog works, since no dumb dog is actually smart enough to tell us what it's like.
It is said that all dumb dogs are in fact psychically connected to each other, which can attribute to the fact that dogs never actually speak to each other when they meet. This would mean that these psychic waves can only enter through the dog's butt, commonly mistaken as the dog's attempt to smell the other dog's butt.
Look for common hiding places of your dog's 'stash' which may be that "bone" you thought he was digging in the back yard. Always check the backyard for likely places where drugs may be found!
If your dog is an indoor dog, check any and all areas where there are food, which maybe the fridge or the pantry. Under no circumstances are you to actually smoke the substance that you find. It is most likely very potent and could kill you in a single whiff. If you are to find it, turn it in immediately to Samuel Jackson so that he may go 'Bad Motherfuckah on that drug dealah's ass!'.
Dogs and Kitten Huffing
Yes, even dumb dogs can engage in the practice of kitten huffing on a day-today basis, which is caused by a withdrawal of any drugs from the dogs system, and common symptoms of this is their tendency to engage cats and huff the crap out of them to get high. This happens if you actually find the dog's stash and cause them to go mad. What happens afterward is all those dog attack stories you see on the news.
If your dog tries to huff a kitten, please get the dog away from it immediately. It will huff the cat like crazy and anyone watching will assume that your dog is assaulting the poor kitten.
Some dogs may skip the entire drug thing altogether, going straight for all the cats. These dogs tend to be sent to the pound to be euthanised because people think they are crazed, but they have simply developed an addiction. Please be patient with your dogs as much as you can.