Duke of Wellington
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[edit] History
Arthur Wellesley I was granted the title of 'Duke of Wellington' after it was discovered that he was not only alright with a sword, but was also the second-cousin thrice removed of the uncle of the sister of the Queen's barber's former pastor's abuser(lie). This genetic link also meant he was allowed to become Prime Minister later on, although he was later usurped by the Radio 1 DJ Robert Peel. His biggest achievement was being played by Stephen Fry in the acclaimed television series Blackadder 200 years later. He is reported to have enjoyed the most exquisite collection of Belgian pornography in the Empire, although it was eventually proved to be fatal after he was found dead from vaseline poisoning.Of course, this could have been faked so he could watch porn for the rest of his miserable old life
[edit] List of Other Dukes
[edit] Arthur Richard Wellesley, 2nd Duke of Wellington (1807–1884)
A nasty little chap with unusually large fingernails and a propensity for sexist profanity, he failed to achieve the same heights of popularity as his father and spent most of his time preparing trifles for dinner parties. Nobody liked them but they were all very polite.
[edit] Henry Wellesley, 3rd Duke of Wellington (1846–1900)
Credited with the invention of the nacho chip but famous for little else, Henry was recently discredited and posthumously stripped of his rank when it was discovered that he didn't even invent the nacho chip.
[edit] Arthur Charles Wellesley, 4th Duke of Wellington (1849–1934)
Another Arthur, this one was widely believed to have suffered from autism owing to his inability to sit down and obsession with trains. Good teeth, though.
[edit] Arthur Charles Wellesley, 5th Duke of Wellington (1876–1941)
During wartime the British public looked to the brand new Duke to aid them in their struggle. He was promptly killed in World War 2 after slipping on a stray peach skin.
[edit] Henry Valerian George Wellesley, 6th Duke of Wellington (1912–43)
A bit rubbish, really. Only managed two years before getting shot, reportedly by Hitler himself.
[edit] Gerald Wellesley, 7th Duke of Wellington (1885–1972)
Managed to survive the war but then wasted his peerage writing boring books about arms and architecture. One of the worst.
[edit] Arthur Valerian Wellesley, 8th Duke of Wellington (b. 1915)
Our current Duke was named Arthur after his Dad realised that nobody had been called that for a few years. He suffers from a growth hormone disorder and has the appearance of a 10 year-old child. Although his current status is 'waiting for God', he has recently taken the time to release a rap record, entitled 'Ain't Nuthin' but a Duke Thang' in order to bridge the gap between him and the British public. Lyrics include the controversial lines (Ayo, it's the Duke, dropping nukes on your bitch ass/y'all better git down & lick out my rich ass/sippin' on wine, all the time, then I tear-a-bitch/she can't say no; hoes are down with my heritage). The record was produced by David Guetta and is currently being pressed for a winter release.
[edit] Quotes
“Ain't nuthin' better then breakin' a hoe while my servants feed my wealthy ass roast pheasant. You feel me?”
~ The Duke on his Private Life
“I honestly have no idea.”
~ The Duke on his current role in society
“What exactly are those monkeys running around for?”
~ The Duke on the Working Class
