Dublin

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Dublin
aka The Pale
Dublin
A family gathered outside their flat in Ballymun
The Spire
The Spire, which allows Dublin to be used as a huge spinning top
GENERAL INFORMATION
motto How's your box love?
anthem "Do you like waffles?" By Parry Grip
currency złoty, "Gear"
GEOGRAPHY
county Co. Dublin
country Ireland
DEMOGRAPHICS
population 1000001.683
ethnic groups Irish, Polish, Polish, Gypsies, Polish, Junkies, Rapists, Wiggers, Polish
languages / dialects Sign Language
religions 64.99% beer, 25% whiskey, 10% poitín (moonshine), 0.01% Catholic
GOVERNMENT
government Absolute Monarchy of Bono
HRH Pat Kenny


“You see lads, The Irish are the blacks of Europe, and the Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland. And the Northside Dubliners are the blacks of Dublin.”
~ Roddy Doyle on Dublin

Dublin is the largest city in Ireland and is the capital city. In Irish, it is offically called Baile Átha Cliath. The English name is said to be derived from the Irish Dubh Linn meaning "black pool", which is believed to refer either to the only indoor swimming pool open to Irish of the African complexion persuasion at that time which was at the mouth of the river Liffey near the Ringsend sewer works or to a pool of filth which was exorcised from the rectum of Brian Boru by a minor saint sometime in the sixth century AD.

History

Dublin was founded in 841AD as a Viking settlement and DHL hub . It soon became the centre of Ireland's booming raping and pillaging industry with support from EU structural funds . The city was then invaded repeatedly several times a year by the native Irish, Vikings, Normans, British and Travellers until it eventually ended up in the hands of the British.

During the 1916 Easter Rising, several key buildings around the city were taken over by rebels, including a post office and a biscuit factory.The Easter Rising was named after the yeast bread production at another local bakery in, of all places, Donnybrook and gave rise to the song "The Rising of the Johnston Mooney and O'Brien".

Public transport

There is a banana train service called the Lewis, which is hilariously misspelled as Luas. The service is known for its very (very very very) close relationship to the bus service, and for the Luas ambassadors, known locally as 'scumbags', who are located at each stop and will "break your face" unless you let them press the buttons on the ticketing machine.

Those citizens who cannot afford luxurious German cars are transported throughout the city on double-decker buses. The fastest bus line is XXX and can be easily recognised by the "Sorry not in service" label on the front. This line covers the entire city and runs frequently.

Geology

Dublin is the capital city of Ireland. The island of Ireland, located off western Europe is unique as its landmass is entirely composed of a Newtonian Fluid, its solidity is only maintained by the action of the Irish constantly jumping up and down on its surface, hence the term "Bog Hoppers" for the Irish.

While the climate of Ireland is officially described as temperate it has more accurately been described by National Geographic as "miserable".

The Irish language has never had a word for "Yes" and this has always made decision making in Ireland difficult. To avoid this problem a referendum was held on using English as the official language given it's natural advantage of having the word "yes" in its vocabulary. The Irish have since taken to the word "yes" with gusto, much preferring it to its opposite "no". The result being that almost any question will now be answered with "yes" or some approximation thereof, for example, "ah ya, I'll do that now/ straight away /next week". In fact none of these answers can be taken to indicate any kind of positive response or timeframe.

Timeframes are further complicated by the Irish use of the Bogonian calendar and their extreme comfort with ambiguity. The bogonian calendar is based on a 4-7 day week meaning that no one really knows when the weekend is, also leading to confusion as to which days form part of the working week. Scheduling and keeping appointments are therefore virtually impossible.

Referendum

Following the EU/German bailout of Ireland it was decided to rename the country. A referendum is to be held to choose between the new name of West Prussia or Freistat West Boggerania. The same referendum shall decide, if the capital will be called Publin.

Freistat West Boggerania appears to be the favourite as it contains a reference to Ireland's failed experiment with independence, acknowledges our western location and clearly refers to our status as a bog.

See also

External links

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