Drum Sticks

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“mmmm... drumsticks”
~ Homer Simpson on drumsticks

To make their distinctive sound, drums are hit with drumsticks, which are a little like penises . Penises...erm, I mean drumsticks are long and skinny, with a head slightly larger than the shaft. Drumsticks can also refer to the leg of a chicken, turkey, or dog. I like my dog drumsticks with a ranch seasoning, baked in the oven at 425 degrees F. for 40 minutes, or 24,000 degrees F for half a minute. Drumsticks are commonly made out of wood. I guess you could make them out of a bone or like...uhm... plastic or metal of some sort...if you wanted but you could just go out and buy some. They can't be THAT expensive...these could be used for, let's say physical pleasure, if you are into that. I don't recommend this. Splinters hurt.

Drumsticks

A modern drummer, demonstrating proper use of drumsticks. This particular drummer prefers to use one each of the "ice cream" and "chicken" varieties.

edit History

Some person, somewhere, invented them at some point in time. He probably just took a stick and started hitting things like a cave man.

Drumsticks are rumored to have been invented by a dude who sealed the spirits of sexy foxes in two large twigs. He then proceeded to hit some drums. They made a great sound and everyone who heard it wanted a pair of magic sticks, especially Bill Gates. After years of research, Ol' Billy invented a time machine and travelled into the future to buy tons of wood (for in the future wood is much cheaper and Bill Gates is a greedy little bastard). He then came back and invented a robot named Vic Firth whose main job was to carve the wood into skinny, penis-like sticks. Bill Gates made millions of dollars from sales of the sticks and was very pleased, but Vic Firth wasn't. One night, one late and stormy night, Vic Firth snuck into Bill Gates's bedroom and repeatedly stabbed Ol' Billy in the face for about 3 to 4 hours. Then the robot took over the drum stick company and named it Zildjian, after some Turkish alchemist. The company has been mass producing over-priced drum sticks for years now and they are nowhere near as good as the first drumsticks invented by that dude. No one knows where the mystical Fox Demon Sticks of Doom are located. Some say they are still being used, by that dude...

edit Famous people who use drumsticks

Although the Fox Demon Sticks of Doom have never been found, plenty of Famous drummers have been seen using fakes. Mike Portnoy, for example, uses eight fakes at the same time. He is also capable of travelling back in time. Everyone else who uses drumsticks are probably not important enough to be mentioned here. Seriously, Dream Theater rock.

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