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“I was on the 1999 National All Star team.”
“Well you're going to have to face it; you're addicted to drugs.”
The game usually consists of a team of ten. The team members' roles are:
- Addict - the most important player in the game.
- Pusherman (or Dealer) - another important player; supplies the drugs.
- Cop(s) - usually on the offense, trying to stop and arrest the two above.
- Novartis pharmaceuticals
- District Attorney - also on the offense; attempts to put the Addict and Pusherman behind bars.
- Defense Attorney - usually on the defense, trying to help the Addict and Pusherman post-arrest.
- Rehab Counselor - a liar.
- Bubba - the forced-homosexual butch cellmate of the Pusherman.
- DMX - usually the Addict's inspiration.
- Allah - the God the Addict turns to after converting to Islam in prison.
How It Is Played
The game usually takes place in a stadium which is often referred to as the "ghetto" (other possible stadiums: Darryl Strawberry's basement, Rush Limbaugh's bathroom, the Superdome, your basement). The game starts with the Addict and Pusherman on the playing field, trying to avoid being "arrested" by the cops (one of which may be undercover). From here, the game can take many different directions. One option is for the Addict and Pusherman to barricade themselves in their mother's house and subsequently die from gunshot wounds by the police after an intense shoot-out, thus ending the game. The more common option is that the two are arrested after being victims of police brutality and/or sodomy.
The addicts goal is to use their chosen accessory, EI: Pipe, rolled up bill, straw, or needle, to trick every friend and family member, (excluding team-mates) into thinking they are average decent people till their faces are so grotesque, deformed, and ugly. The more horrific one looks before someone begins to question their health, and the more nonsensical they speak and act before someone questions their mental health, the more points the player receives.
The Dealer's goal is to lie and manipulate the Addict into lying, stealing and cheating as much as they can in order to get their hands on drugs. If the Dealer is good enough to convince the addict to get more people to join their team, the more points they receive. Points are all exchanged into currency and deposited into Colombian or Mexican drug lords bank accounts.
The Cop's goal is to intercept all plays made by the apposing team. Extra points are allocated for wrongful imprisonment, as well as for large busts that lead to money or drugs disappearing from the evidence locker. A bonus is also given for uncalled for actions leading to mortality on the opposite team.
From here, two new players are called onto the field: the District Attorney and the Defense Attorney. After a long part of the game which is known as a "trial", the attorneys are substituted by the Rehab Counselor. From here, the Addict and Pusherman are released after a brief intervention with the Rehab Counselor. Then, the game starts all over again. During the second round, the attorneys are replaced by Bubba and Allah; the Addict and Pusherman are incarcerated. DMX is on the field the entire duration of the game.
The Addiction Bowl
The Addiction Bowl is the equivalent of the Superbowl in drug addiction. Otherwise known as "420", the Addiction Bowl is one of the most widely watched sports programs, beating out the Superbowl and World Series put together and multiplied by nine.
Typically, the game lasts all day and is hosted in many suburbs and ghettos across the world, particularly in the United States. The game starts out with ditching school and/or work. During halftime, a bowl of Trix is usually eaten. The game ends with a ceremonial overdose where afterwards the families of the Addicts get to celebrate the success of their children's careers.