Dropkick Murphys

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“In Soviet Russia, Murphy's dropkick you!!”
~ Russian Cosmonaut on bein' sweet
“Seriously... I'd skull-fluff Joan Rivers in the eye socket to this shit.”
~ Jesus on Dropkick's music
“I diddle my puthy.”
~ Glen Danzig on top of Tim Finnegan

The Dropkick Murphys just before getting drunk with the corpse of Jim Henson.

The Dropkick Murphys are a Celtic Rock band formed in 1996 in the city of Quincy Jones. All members of the band have at least 3 inch cocks, can drink 12 gallons of beer per hour (bph) and still be able to kick your mom in the balls with her own balls.

Literally named after a rehab center in Boston, the Dropkick Murphys met each other at the same rehab center, and made babies with each other. The babies then turned honky and are now calling themselves Flogging Molly. In the past 20 years the group has released 300 albums and attribute their success to being in touch with their lawyers.

edit Early Years

A bunch of guys got together and fucked a bagpipe as part of their "community service." The results? A big bagpipe bladder full of semen. Plus they started a band. The bagpipe in question is used to this very day, and hasn't been washed since.

edit Middle Ages

At some point a bunch of jerk offs started jerking off some beef jerky in the middle of Jaws. The band saw this and came up with 1998's "Do or Die (Tryin'). This 45 minute song turned out to be an incantation to summon up Euronymous from the depths of hell! Euronymous then showed them how to make magic origami and matza balls, then he, in turn, diddled in his puthy.

edit Wonder Years

They stopped fucking the bagpipes long enough to actually learn to play them at one point. The group still occasionally gangbangs their original bagpipes just to keep them grounded to their roots. Plus, one time they got a horse drunk and fisted the beast with the fury of 10,000 grandpas. Then learnt up on some karate.


How to dropkick a murphy.

edit Dropkick Murphy's Karate Class for the Under-Privileged Widows of Manitoba

The boys in Dropkick Murphy's failed to see any downfalls with this move. They started the DMKCUPWM to gloat about their ninja skills and pick up fine, depressed cougars from the prairie province. Once they shipped 15 tons of bath-tub Prozac to the karate studio, Sensei Al Barr (Mother of Roseanne Barr) dropkicked Eddie Murphy in the head, causing severe depression, lack of motor skills, dry-mouth, high blood pressure, yellow fever, hay fever, down syndrome, "Presley" jaw, rank ass, powdered doughnut and numerous goiters. Gene Simmons sued to own the rights to yellow fever and "Presley" jaw. He won, and if anyone got either disease, he charged them. The women never showed up for any karate meeting and they eventually died of "Presley" jaw, which made Gene Simmons enough money to buy the Dropkick Murphy's a golden sackpipe.

edit Deaths

They all blew up at a Don Quixote Goat Peeling Excavation. They thus peeled all the goats! You see, for when the activities were interrupted by an unwelcome explosion somewhere in the main corridor, I dare say that ALL of the goats were peeled forthright and with tremendous haste.

edit Members

  1. Moses
  2. Larry Appleton
  3. The cast of "Gimme A Break"
  4. Nell Carter II: The Reckoning
  5. East St. Blood Bank

edit Former Members

  1. Moses Sr.
  2. Michael Landon (RIP)
  3. A Hammer
  4. Alan Jackson

edit See Also

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