Drog The Misunderstood Caveman Comedian
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Drog The Misunderstood Caveman Comedian (lived 1,412,384 BCE - 1,412,360 BCE) was an unpopular (cave)man in his own time, for using what little language was available at the time to ridicule his foul-smelling, hirsute peers (which is not to imply that Drog was less foul-smelling and hirsute).
A Misunderstood Career
Drog was known in his own time as simply Drog The Misunderstood Comedian, since, in point of fact, everyone was a caveman, even the women. He originally billed himself as Drog The Comedian, or, in caveman parlance, "Drog The Funny-Man". He changed that the next year by appending the "Misunderstood" to Comedian ("No-One-Get-Me Funny-Man"). This was a result of poor reviews by his contemporaries.
A number of the poor reviews may in fact have been biased against Drog due to the offense he frequently gave his audience. A sample, extracted from cave walls and edited to make it more readable for a modern audience, follows:
"...I mean, Gargi is the best-looking cave-chick here, and only because she shaved her beard! Haha, just joking with you Gargi, you can put that brontosaurus bone down, we love you. But seriously, I just found out last week that my mother is actually my father. I said to him, 'Where's my mom, then?' and he says, 'I 'ate 'er.' and I'm like, 'I'm not even going there', you know what I mean?..."
"...I mean, is anyone here planning on showering anytime this epoch? I smell T-Rex dung in here! Whew! It must be Zorng the Blind Batty Old Caveman back there -- hey Zorng, how old are you this week? (from back) 'I'm thirty-five, no, thirty-six' Haha, that Zorng for you, always exaggerating. Anyway, I figure only Zorng could have stepped in it, seeing as he's blind and all, and that T-Rex dung is pretty freaking huge... (booing) What? He's blind, it's... heh... aren't blind people funny?..."
Too Short a Life
At an early age everycavebody said Drog was funny looking, (having never learned the word looking) this lead Drog to believe he was funny and set the stage for his life. Drog died months too early at the ripe old age of 24. An analysis of his skull fragments indicates that they were repeatedly stepped on by a multi-ton reptilian animal sometime after his arms were tied with pterodactyl tails and his hairy body was pelted with stone arrows and stone rocks. It is doubted that his death was accidental, as very few cavemen died this way, and they were generally the least popular ones. Drog is remembered by comedian-historians today as a pioneer in the field, the best known students of Drog, Don Rickles, Sam Kinison and Rodney Dangerfield say his contributions will not soon be forgotten. Drog also had his run-ins with gay strip clubs, and had his fair share of white russians.
- Drog's parents Druug (father) and Ugzilla (mother) both died in a strange incident involving a large egg, a velociraptor and a salmon colored sabertooth tiger (this story was later used as a plot to a pink panther cartoon). Grrrr.... even parents better in showbiz than Drog and dey not try.
- Drog's sister Pugzilla lived to the ripe old age of 33 and was a very sucessful professional buisness woman. She was a stripper or in the language of the time a bearskin taker-offer. Drog alway jealous sister do good in showbiz.
- Drog's little brother was eaten by a pack of rabbid sabertooth snails at age 3.Grr snails eat brother, Drog eat snails!! This is the 1st recorded instance of someone eating snails (Drog recorded it on his cave wall in what is now France).
- Drog's immaginary friend PeeWee Herman is alive and well to this day. It OK immaginary friend do OK in showbiz, he not real.
Television and Movie Appearances
- 1970-1972 Lancelot Link Secrete Chimp : young Drog was an extra and evil henchmonkey for C.H.U.M.P. in most episodes (Drog never invited to cast parties after 1st time, Drog even wear lampshade on head but no laughing, chimps no have sense of humor?).
- 1978 Flintstones Appearance : Drog was bowling 2 lanes down from Fred and Barney. He later did some stand-up at the bowling alley until Fred clobbered him with a bowlingball (Drog need 14 stitches, this was cut in editing and is only seen in the directors-cut box-set. Drog also "accidently" walk into Wilma's dressing room when Wilma changing, Drog too stunned to make joke).
- 1981 Caveman (Movie) with Ringo Starr : Drog plays tribeman in enemy tribe. Drog also did all the cave-art work on the set and was Ringo's stunt double! These were Drog's happiest times, Ringo autographed Drogs club and they would hang out some nights after shooting. Ringo was the only person to laugh at any of Drogs jokes (historians believe this was due to the fact that Ringo had never heard anybody butcher the English language worse than himself).
- 1988 Dr Who Appeared in Doctor Ouk Oook episode : The out of control Tardis goes to prehistoric Earth and lands on Drog, later near the end of the episode Drog hosts a celebrity roast of the Doctor (this cut when Drog try cook Doctor, Ha Ha Ha Drog funny. This cut scene is now available in the Dr Who out-take and blooper DVD).