From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Basically, Left foot modulates clutch, Right foot stays down, Middle foot does nothing; Rock-hard boners ”
Drifting is getting your car's ass end to slip out from the line of driving. It is believed that this technique was created to compliment the Crazy Swerving Asian style of driving. While considered by most bystanders to be quite dangerous and harmful to the environment, drifting is actually incredibly dangerous and harmful to everyone.
edit Applicable cars
Most ricer cars cannot be drifted--only those with rear-wheel drive, such as the Nissan 240SX, Toyota Supra, Toyota Corolla AE86, Nissan Skyline GTS-T, and Mazda RX7. And these are rarely drifted, and their drivers are shunned for being "outside of the box". Almost 98.3% of all cars drifted today are 240SX's and Skylines which are owned by ricers or WoW players.
It was first developed durring the anti-tyre movement of 1700, which was infact years before the manufacture of the first car. Due to their 'ass like taste' tyres were seen as the enemy and were to be destroyed as quick as possible. Shooting tyres into the atmosphere was a previous failed technique as the tyres eventually fell which resulted in the death of millions which was later blamed on Hitler (Notorious for his hatred of drifting). Thus drifting was invented. Girls instantly dropped their panties
Drifting is an auto sport popularized in the ancient county of Asia. Supposedly, it was invented when ricers grew up and realized that they were indeed idiots. The greatest of these, and the fellow credited for its invention, is Keiichi Tsuchiya. He stumbled upon this technique and sport when delivering tofu for his father Bunta in the mountains of Akina, by which he wanted to get down the mountain as fast as possible.
Keiichi tried to break through the barriers and ignore the S shaped turns and drive straight down. His first attempt was on 06/06/86, where he was found by the police at the foot of the mountain, with a broken skull and an exploded car. After that, he decided to be a good boy and drive normally down the hill. Once, he saw a lesbian couple by the side of the road making hot hot love, and he was distracted, which caused him to steer like a mad man all the way downhill. Hence, drifting was born, that's why you see really hot girls at the side of the road whenever there's a race Eg. The fast and The Furious - Tokyo Drift.
Another theory on how drifting was started has been presented by Oscar Wilde. He says that he created drifting, but when he created it, it was just a term he used to mean "having sex with a girl in my passenger seat". Later he says someone tried extreme drifting or sex in the passenger seat while driving. Lastly it came to its current state after Oscar and the extreme drifter were issued citations for indecent exposure, and decided to protest in return by driving their cars sideways through all corners.
edit Drifting Techniques
edit Brake Drifting
This technique is rather simple, and most people with common sense and two legs and arms can do this. Its simplicity is why most beginners use this technique. You approach the corner you wish to drift, brake off a piece of trim in your car and jam it in the rear wheels causing them to lock up. After a few corners your car will be all broken thus the term 'Brake Drifting"
edit Continental Drift
This technique is mostly used by Chuck Norris. if I say too much more about this Chuck Norris will hunt me down. And kill me.
edit Power Over Drift
This is tied for the simplest of techniques with the Brake Drifting techinique. It is also what most Americans who drift use, and is the official sponsor of the Formula D series. You just go to the corner, slam the gas pedal down to the floor, and turn wheels accordingly. If this doesn't cause your car to enter a drift, invest in a high horse power engine like an LS1 out of a Corvetteand remove rocker panel .
edit Inertia (Feint) Drift
This drifting technique, is also known as the 'Newtonian' drift. As Sir Isaac Newton drove home in his 200SX after deriving his gravitational law, there was a tricky hairpin corner about a half a mile from his house, with a sheer 500ft drop at the edge, which he struggled to drift around. As he was feeling REAL confident from cracking the laws of gravity, he decided to try extra hard to drift this corner. Unfortunately, he couldn't get his head around tyre friction. As a result, as he flicked the 200SX into the corner, the rear tyres overtook the front, and the car plummeted, backwards, 500ft, to where Newton was greeted with certain death. In short, DO NOT try this drift method, because you will die, and dying kinda sucks... Shame about that 200SX... I wouldn't mind one of those... OHH WELL, AT LEAST HE DIDNT DRIVE AN AE86!!!
edit Handbrake/E-Brake Drift
Just like the Brake Drift technique, except you use that little lever that holds your car in place. It is very critical to pull the lever up as hard as you can(grip it and rip it!) upon entering the corner, and leave it up. Letting it down before you exit the drift will incur the wrath of Chuck Norris
I can make a horse drift - Chuck Norris on drifting.
edit Parking lot Drift
This novice technique requires multiple drifters. The driver pulls into a parking lot with other participants, backs into a parking space, and quickly pulls the hand brake. The driver then exits the vehicle to admire other participant's primer paint jobs/discuss the expense of drifting sanctioned events/look for parts to steal. At this time, another participant will attempt one of the other techniques, lose control, jump the curb, and crash into everyone, thus initiating the parking lot drift. A video of the event is then put up on YouTube for everyone to enjoy.
edit Dirt Drop Drift
This is mostly used by Asians, as they have a hard time staying on the road anyways. You let your back wheels hit the dirt shoulder, then turn the wheels to enter yourself into the drift. A different way is dropping your car off a cliff, into the dirt. The most common option is to squint your eyes and turn the steering wheel back and forth to make it seem like you're driving, which will, in time, make for a successful drift.
edit Clutch Kick
This technique requires you to have something like 3 pedals in your car. You floor the gas pedal, and kick the shit out of the pedal on the left, like you're fixing your dog. When you do this you must yell "CRUTCH KICK! CRUTCH KICK!" your car will immediate lose rear end traction and slide into the D-Dimension.
edit Drifting Modifications
Turbo is not compulsory in drifting, however they are a cheap way to make your car sound like a pigeon. SU TU TU
LSD is a short term used for limited slip differential these differentials are used for drifting and can make you trip balls. Unlike a single spinner differential a LSD spins both wheels at the same time. These differentials are also great for drifting with some low differential gears like 4:5:6 or 4:1:1 differential gears. But these type of differential gears are used for drifting for high rpm's and not so much for top speed if you want a high speed differential you would want something like a 2:9:8 or 3:0:8. Changing dif gears may also cause severe ego enlargment, this results in the driver beleiving their car has somehow transformed into the fastest car in the world.
edit Bucket Seat
Preferbly a cheap one, a round one made of steel, so if you are done with drifting, you can use it as a dirtbin.
For safety reasons, mostly for sale at antique stores, most Medieval ones are heavy, but safe!
The best way to lower the car and get it stiffer is to cut the springs (an ancient technique that the Japanese have used over hundreds of years), or use the ancient Pep Boys method, of making fat people your friends, hey presto, instant -30mm drop. All D1 drivers do it for good luck. Cutting springs is seen all over the world, but mostly to be "JDM tyte".
edit Pieces of Flair
Decorative parts added to the car such as white plastic steering wheels, tiny shifters that barely rise above the floor, parts from better versions (or foreign versions) of your car can and should be added to coat it in awesome. Vinyl graphics add that special touch, as well.
edit Cross Mission
Nobody knows exactly what this is or why they want it, but it is rumoured to bestow the power of the gods to the one who uses it.
edit Drift Competition
edit Deciding who wins
Drifting competitions are judged based on line, angle, speed, and show factor. Line involves taking the correct line, which is usually determined by coked-out monkeys, as they truly are the foremost experts on lines. Angle is the angle of a car and its relationship to the sun, stars, and moon. Speed is the most important factor. The goal is to go in as fast as you can, not flip your car, and exit the corner almost at the same speed. Some people accomplish this by installing jet engines on the back of their car. The show factor is based simply on whether or not you kiss enough ass with the judges before hand. Bribing a judge is not only accepted, but encouraged.
edit Drift Series
There are many series that currently are running in the United States and Japan(also known as Lil Asia). I have decided to include a few here, for this will help you understand the drifting culture much better.
The major leagues of drifting. This series takes place in Japan and is the holy grail of all drifters. To compete in this series is either to be the best of the best, or have enough money to buy a small country in exchange for entrance into the series. Usually the series winner is the person who has the most skill (aka money) and high-performance parts (aka sponsorship). Most people enjoy watching the DVD's that go with this series and laugh about the comments of the jury, although it's in japanese and they dont understand anything of it.
edit Forumla D
The D1GP's cousin in America. This is like the minor leagues, its full of OK drifters, with a few good drifters that just haven't gone to Japan yet. To make this series, you must either be pretty decent at drifting, have some money to line the judges pockets, or be the son of asian.
edit Formula F
Since the geography of Florida is devoid of elevation changes and "Man turns", competitors from this state developed a unique drifting style, and demanded that the Formula F(ail) series be created. The tandem rounds begin with the 2 cars drifting until the participants get close. At this point, a drag race occurs. Car modifications also differ in this series. Gears 3, 4, and 5 are often omitted from the transmission for weight savings since they are seldom used.
edit Lonestar Drift
Lonestar Drift is the token white friend of drifting. It consists of a group of drunk cattle ranchers who are consistently trying to prove they are culturally aware by using their cow money to pay for drivers from Japan to come drive through traffic cones in a parking lot. All participants are required to wear cowboy hats, and must have a BAC of .20 in order to participate. The top three drivers are awarded a license to drive in Formula D, but because Texans don't like establishment any awardees must crash/break their vehicle at every FD event, avoid placing in top 32, or quit drifting altogether before they start their rookie season. Recently, rumors have surfaced that in actuality the entire program is just a front for founder Aaron Losey to launder the insane amounts of money he earned doing contract killing and black market research on hair removal techniques.