Drake of the 99 Dragons

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Drake of the 99 Dragons
Developer(s) Idol FX
Publisher(s) Majesco Entertainment
Director(s) Stan Lee
John Woo
Bruce Timm
Larry and Andy Wachowski
Jackie Chan
Release date November 5, 2003
Genre Cartoony shooter
Sub-homicidal semaphore session
Platform(s) Xbox, Windows

Drake of the 99 Dragons (also titled Drake) is a 2003 third person shooter video game for the Xbox and Windows. In the game, the clan of the 99 Dragons has been wiped out and the artifact they were supposed to be guarding slips into the wrong hands, while they were all distracted by being murdered. One of the clan members, Drake, doesn't let death get in the way of destiny, and returns from the grave to avenge his clan, recover the carelessly lost item, and show them that living post-mortem may present a challenge to the nostrils or finding a partner, but should not have an effect on basic guard duties.

In creating Drake, Sweden-based developer Idol FX aimed for the goal of "The Matrix meets Batman: The Animated Series", with all of the slick gothic style, melodrama, techno music, and oversized jaws of those respective works. The game's visuals used a cel-shading effect enhanced with "rim-lighting", in order to make players feel as though they were playing through an interactive comic book. In the midst of development, publisher Majesco Entertainment crunched Idol's deadline down from one year to six months; despite skepticism among critics, this resulted in the game being even better than it could've been otherwise.

Drake received unanimous critical acclaim, truly revolutionizing the way us humans experience joy. It was praised for its superb control system where the camera was mapped to the same control stick as the aiming, bringing the gamer to the cusp of vomiting in joy, due to induced motion lovesickness, by the end of the level. The game was so successful, in fact, that it spawned a long-running comic book series as well as a Saturday morning cartoon on the Kids' WB.

edit Gameplay


An example of the good camera, sound collision detection, and sensical gameplay seen in Drake.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Drake of the 99 Dragons.

The primary objective of Drake is to find those bastards who murdered your clan and shoot them in the face. To do so, the player uses a wide array of violent gut-splattering firearms. Like an Italian chef that has just has his veal cutlet returned by a customer, Drake uses the strategy of darting around and flailing his arms everywhere, then randomly shooting the nearest person without looking.

In the Xbox version, the joy of killing is further enhanced because an aiming reticle, a common staple of third-person shooters, is excluded. Instead, a very precise auto-targeting feature is implemented to help Drake aim and fire accurately at the enemies. And what is more joyous than watching a player frantically attempting to get his controller to work, screaming in agony? In the PC version, however, a traditional aiming reticle is used which, while very nice and ethical, is nowhere near as fun.

Drake has a number of special abilities, such as smelling like rotting flesh and randomly losing a limb. He also has the ability to slow down or freeze time so he can enjoy a spot of lunch mid-battle. Being dead, Drake's health is probably not that relevant, but his energy levels are primarily topped up by consuming the soles of fallen opponents, provided they have not trodden in dog mess recently. There are also red "lost souls" which, like deep-fried Mars bars, do not replenish, but rather deplete Drake's life forc..erm, death force, or whatever.

edit Plot

Players are introduced to Drake, the pale-faced assassin of a Neo Macau-based clan known as the 99 Dragons. There used to be one hundred dragons, but nobody knows what happened to one of them. While twirling and playing with his guns in the Kwoon of the 99 Dragons, Drake sees a television commercial for an orange-flavored robot known as a Tang Cyborg, built by his rival Tang of the Wu-Tang Clan. As if by magic, one of these cyborgs leaps through the window and starts smacking Drake around the room, while our hero runs about, waving his arms and shooting at his enemy without looking. Amazingly, Drake manages to kill the cyborg, but feels remorse after licking it, because it was one of the new passion-fruit flavored killers.

Drake's oral pleasure with the cyborg is interrupted, however, when he hears a noise outside of the Kwoon: intruders, who "must be out of this world" to get past the penthouse's latest, dead security guard. Running into the Master's chamber containing the "Soul Portal Artifact", given to his clan by soul-crooner Lionel Richie himself over 3000 years ago, the intruders set about bringing chaos and death to those present to the soundtrack of Deep River Woman. During the melee, a mysterious Ghost Assassin swoops out of the room with the artifact. Drake tries to pursue the etheral being, but is gunned down. Being un-dead, Drake's bullet wounds required some "field-sewing" before taking up the persuit; in case he dropped, then slipped one of his lungs. Imagine having to explain that to the five Spirit Gods? Eventually Drake continues pursuing the Ghost Assassin, but is soon reminded what etheral means as he watched it passed through a solid object.

Drake returns to the Master's chamber, only to find the Master's and wierdly his own corpses on the floor. Just as Drake was starting to suspect he must have absorbed the soul of an adjacent magic mushroom by accident and is now at the out-of-body-experience stage, his chest tattoo also started glowing red. To make matters worse, Drake stars having flashbacks, back to when he consumed a bowl of LSD-laced chicken soup and collapsed, allowing the Master to tattoo the Undying Dragon on his chest. The UD is a sentient being, bestowing its bearer supernatural powers and immortality.

As the dodgy fungus properly kicked in, Drake vows revenge, and kills 30 mooks, stealing their souls to feed the Dragon tattoo. Mad with power, Drake boasts that "the strength of the stolen souls" has provided him with invincibility, and believes that he can now fly like Mary Poppins. To test this out, he leaps headfirst out the window of the 20-story penthouse, and plummets to his death. Drake awakens in Ward 3 of the Serene Garden Accident and Emergency Department, and is scolded by the five Spirit Gods for getting so out of it. They tell him that he needs to be a little more careful of organic narcotics when absorbing souls in the future.

After his ticking off, Drake is informed that Tang is after the Soul Portal Artifact (despite being more of a Jazz/Funk Artifact fan), and he must recover it to avenge the Master's death. The gods provide him a new avatar and return him to the mortal realm, before he had even got over the headache. Meanwhile, the Ghost Assassin turns over the artifact to Tang's courier, a man named Wang Chun. Drake manages to shoot the courier in the arm, and follows his blood trail to a fireworks factory, which he states is a "crap place to go...if you like rotten food". Our hero runs through the factory, blasting and blowing up things willy-nilly, but is surprised to find himself killed again in a sudden, massive explosion, followed by a cacophony of whistles, bangs and a fantastic array of colored rockets, catherine wheels and Roman candles.

The gods, really getting concerned with Drake's utter lack of competence so far, bring him back to life and send him to the House of the Dreaming Clown casino. There, Drake attempts to find the courier, but is rudely attacked by the casino's owner Pok and his demon dogs, after sixteen consecutive wins at the Blackjack table. After answering the acccusation by filling Pok with bullets, Drake tails the courier to the Hung Fook Casino Palace, where it turns out he lost the Soul Portal Artifact in a gambling match at the HOtDC. A thug beats Chun to near-death for his mishap, but Drake saves his life in time and learns the location of the Soul Portal Artifact. Drake quickly sets off through the ghetto streets, fending off biker gangs by setting fire to them with gasoline, and gets back to the Clown House.

Unfortunately, this is not the end of the game. While fighting Pok...again, Drake gets caught up in an explosion...again. Serpent-Eye Sung, a business partner and accomplice of Tang, takes the Soul Portal Artifact from a dying Drake again and heads off to his canned seafood factory, which is also harvesting some sort of magical creature. Drake, our hero, is of course against whaling, so he went to the Gods and admitted that as he was killed at the Clown House, that made him officially the worst superhero in history, however this Serpent-Eye cans fish too. I can save the whales and take the Artifact back. The Gods allowed him to go, this time with bets on the hours before his return. Twenty minutes later Serpent-Eye's henchwoman Banshee shoots Drake in the back and kills him for the fifth time.

And if you were feeling that losing the game at this point was a welcome relief really, the Sprit Gods send Drake back to the penthouse, where the Wu-Tang Undertakers are stealing the corpses of the 99 Dragons. Drake chases after a truck holding his master's body, and finds himself taken to a cyborg creation facility. What are they doing with his Master's body? Whatever it is, it can't be good, and so Drake guns his way through Tang's men in order to get his Master's body back. Later on, Drake will have to stealth his way in to the heart of Tang's cyborg operation, but it seems everything is already prepared for his arrival.

Inside the office of Wu-Tang Towers, Drake finally discovers Tang's true scheme, and it involves more dead bodies from the members of the Clan of the 99 Dragons. After some running through the streets, jumping across rooftops, and getting filled with bullets by a helicopter, Drake breaks into Tang's secret morgue facility and recaptures those souls. He then uses the elevator to go down to Tang's room. There, Tang is already using the artifact and opening the portal to the spirit realm. Drake fights and kills some sort of hell demon, but the Ghost Assassin steals the Soul Portal Artifact and escapes into the spirit realm. Drake dives in and pursues the assassin.

After some messy platforming, Drake encounters the Ghost Assassin and blows him to pieces. All that's left is retrieving the Soul Portal Artifact and collecting the Master's soul! But apparently that's not enough, and Drake has to fight a three-headed beast called the Spirit Lord Supreme before the story can end. Drake then goes back to the Serene Garden, and revives the Master with the artifact. Master states that Drake achieved a level of proficiency even he was unable to reach, and he has proven himself to the Gods. Drake asks "So, I guess this the end?" and one of the gods responds "Hardly, it has just begun." Luckily, the game ends before it can go elsewhere.

edit Development

In 2002, Stefan Ljungqvist, Johan Egerkrans, and Marcus Thorell—three humble college kids of the fledging game developer Idol FX—took a visit to John Woo's office at Warner Bros. Animation. They saw Woo's portfolio of comic adaptation cartoons, such as Batman: The Lantern-Jawed Series, and were in awe by the angular Art Deco style he used. The visit inspired the three to create a video game to cash in on this sharp-edged craze.

Idol signed onto big name publisher Majesco in May 2003. Majesco gave them a six-month contract to finish the game.

edit Reception

Among tough critics, Drake was released to near-universal negative reviews. Most criticized the game's visuals, controls, and camera, even though there was nothing wrong with any of those things. The game's Metacritic rating is 22 out of 100, ranking it the second-worst rated Xbox title for whatever reason. Adam Sessler of X-Play rated the game a 1/5, mainly due to its "unwieldy" camera that often got stuck or prevented the player from seeing the on-screen action, and just happened to be on the same analog stick as the aiming reticle. According to Sessler, this caused Drake to shoot as if he were in "a sub-homicidal semaphore session". Had har.

In July 2006, X-Play rated Drake the single worst game ever released for the Xbox, even going so far as to state that it had eclipsed the game Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis (another great game) as the standard by which they rate all bad games; this only shows how the reviewers on X-Play are completely biased. Critic Alex Navarro of GameSpot named Drake the second worst "frightfully bad" game of 2003 in Halloween 2004, right behind Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing (another high-quality game).

edit See also

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Drake of the 99 Dragons is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.
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