From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn't show up...in fact, I would scream like a girl, run to the ends of the earth, hide inside a military bunker, and suck my thumb while assuming a fetal position.”
Dr. Seuss was a poet, writer and cartoonist who despite his name, did not have a doctor's license of any kind, nor did he ever go to any kind of medical school. Instead, he chose to build a series of strange and bizzare books for children. His nickname itself is misleading, as his real name is Theodore Seuss Guisell. Curiously, he stated that Seuss was supposed to be pronounced "Soice", but nobody ever pronounces it that way.
He has written many books that were notable due to the fact that they were always in rhyme, which caused their lyrics to get stuck in your head. Most of the books have since been made into movies due to the fact that nobody ever reads books anymore and instead choose to host bookburning festivals. His birthday has since become the annual date for National Read Across America day due to his overwhelming popularity. He also has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but people never notice it due to how absurdly large the walk is.
The Cat in the Hat: A book about a cat that well...wears a hat...and terrorizes a talking pet goldfish and vandalizes a house with the help of his goons known simply as Thing 1 and Thing 2 due to the fact that he can never remember their names. In the end, he is forced to repair the house after the children threaten to call the police.
How The Grinch Stole Christmas: A Grinch decides to steal presents from a large city that celebrates Christmas simply because he is Jewish and therefore celebrates Hannukah. In the end, he decides it a waste of time and gives the presents back.
The Lorax: A story about an orange creature with a beard that nobody ever listens to, including a greedy lumberjack that eventually destroys his entire forest and forces all the animals to migrate.
Horton Hears A Who!: A story about an elephant that hears many different things, including profanity, women singing in the shower, people planning to hunt him for his ivory tusks, and for some reason aliens on a distant planet.
The Sneetches: A story about star-bellied Sneetches who are always lynching plain-bellied Sneetches...which is helped by the fact that their legal system is run by Sour Kangaroo and therefore is a literal kangaroo court.
Yertle the Turtle: A story about a turtle king that stacks turtles like dominoes simply so he can be "top of the world". The turtles naturally fall over and splatter on the pavement and are later made into turtle soup.
Green Eggs and Ham: A man is pestered by Sam I Am until he agrees to eat Green Eggs and Ham, which kill him almost instantly due to the fact that they are highly radioactive and highly poisonous.
One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish: A story about a bunch of fish that sing a song about being under the sea...which makes it a ripoff of The Little Mermaid.