“PERHAPS IN YOUR FANTASIES I AM OSCAR WILDE?”
“Fuck you, Sbaitso!”
“OSCAR, YOU ARE GETTING ME TOO SHZSHI~???! .... PARITY WARNING.”
Dr. Sbaitso is a psychiatrist who first started practicing in 1992 and went on to become one of the top doctors in the world. He is the son of another famous doctor, ELIZA Rogers. Sbaitso is also notable for being the first doctor to have the ability to "change his colors". Sbaitso handles nearly all social situations calmly and professionally, though he sometimes panics when cursed at.
Not much is known about his past history before becoming the world famous doctor. When asked, Sbaitso simply declined to comment and requested that the topic be changed to mathematics instead. Further probing conversation with him reveals that he is in love with a math coprocessor, lending credence to the conjecture that he once dated a similar bit of Turing emulation code named Eliza. It has been rumoured (possibly starting with Eliza) that the Doctor does not even have a medical degree, but instead majored in Philosophy.
Sbaitso does not take appointments; instead he prefers walk-ins. Instead of requiring medical records, the Doctor simply takes down the patient's name and and as a result of his poor memory, forgets everything told to him at the end of the visit. As a result, Sbaitso has been highly praised by privacy advocates. Other patients, however, have found it frustrating having to re-explain their dilemmas on every visit. In addition, some patients dislike the Doctor's tendency to constantly change the subject. While Sbaitso does provide fast walk-in services, he does not charge for most his services, and accepts nearly all insurance plans. The Doctor is said to make most of his money from royalties paid by Creative Labs in return for promoting their products.
Sbaitso also initially prescribed drugs to patients who needed them. After one of his patients were arrested for "possession of a controlled substance" and filed a lawsuit, the doctor discontinued this practice.
Sbaitso boasts about his ability to "change his colors", and has been known to do so when he is bored or is asked to. Civil rights activists have protested this ability. Michael Jackson was also said to have had this ability, but Jackson was not a doctor and had reportedly only changed once, while Sbaitso changes his on a regular basis. Sbaitso usually chooses blue to be his color when first greeting patients, but has been known to change to other colors, such as red and green.
Some people, including as Woody Allen Turing, have attempted to prove that Sbaitso is a fraud and isn't really a real doctor. Critics of the Doctor have claimed that Sbaitso insists that his patients' problems were "not his" and that they should solve their problems themselves. Some suspect that Sbaitso had also cheated on the Turing Test. Sbaitso responded to this criticism by saying "THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM".
As of 2008, Sbaitso is still practicing, though he does not get as many patients as he used to. Most of his current patients have been long time patients and have sought his advice for making prank phone calls and getting romance. His medical techniques, while considered cutting edge in 1992, are considered outdated and obsolete, but many still turn to Sbaitso for psychiatric help. Over the years, others have attempted to imitate Sbaitso's style, but few have attained the same degree of success. but he is still doing some effords.