Dr. Eggman

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Eggman/Robotnik is widely recognized for his dignified-yet-wacky body language, militaristic attire, well-trimmed mustache, and cool voice.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Dr. Eggman.

Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik (ドクタードロップス Dokutā Pingas) is a video game character and the main antagonist of the Sonic the Hedgehog series created by Sega. He is a magnificent fat bastard known for his evil plans of world domination, which are somehow always thwarted by a blue overgrown rat in skater shoes.

Eggbotnikman has appeared in almost every Sonic video game since the very first one, even the really shitty 3D ones. He is also a prominent character in other Sonic media, including comics, novels, cartoons, anime, drinking mugs, panties, flamethrowers, and toilet paper.

edit Characteristics

Eggman is an American otaku ex-soviet engineer obsessed with conquering ovaloid masses with his mechanical menagerie of cute animals tuned robotic slaves. When the slow poke sissies in the army told him his low cost monkey missile guidance system and doggy drones went to far, the Dr. took his tub of talent to more like mad minded technocrats. His attempts at world domination have lead to unprecedented job growth in the post apocalypse's STEM sector, and bringing animal unemployment to an all time low. Although Eggman has been defeated by Sonic and his seventy disciples countless times, (whether the mediocre mobile games, Sonic 3D Blast and Knuckles Chaotix should count as half towards the total is the cause of continuing debate by retro gamers), Robotnick somehow always manages to evade capture. Robotnik continues to return and wreak havoc on Mobius Earth; though increasingly only part time as to give characters no one cares about the sinister spotlight.

In the good ol' days, Robotnik lived in a Seussian fortress on top of a dangerously steep hill; one that was very easy to spot despite constant relocating, as it was decorated with a large golden statue of himself. He resided with his slapstick robot assistants Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts, who always managed to screw up his plans. Since changing his name to "Eggman", however, he has constantly jumped from base to base to avoid the fate of Saddam Hussein.

edit Biography

edit Early life

Robotnik was born to a single mother with an abusive disposition and a hair-on-lip disorder. He was placed in a nursery under a nanny's care, only to overthrow the nanny in a military coup d'état. As a child, he ate four dozen eggs every morning, which resulted in his morbid obesity we see today.

edit Book of Genesis


Dr. Robotnik in simpler times.

In Sonic the Hedgehog (1991), Dr. Robotnik attempts to take over the tranquil South Island by capturing little animals and turning them into robots. He also tries to find the mystical Chaos Emeralds, which turn your thoughts into power, to help him realize his dream of conquering the world. However, he is defeated by an ultra-fast furry named Sonic the Hedgehog.

In Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (1992), following his embarrassing defeat at the hands of Sonic, Robotnik is "inspired" to create his own version of the Death Star called the Death Egg. He tries to take over the world once more, but Sonic and his new sidekick Tails whoop Robotnik's ass again and heavily damage the Death Egg.

In Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (1993), the Death Egg crash-lands on a floating island called Floating Island. There, Robotnik meets the island's guardian Knuckles the Echidna, and tricks him into thinking Sonic and Tails are coming to steal the Master Emerald and he is here to help him. Knuckles, being the dupe he is, sets up traps throughout the island to hider Sonic's progress.

In Sonic & Knuckles (1994), Knuckles finds Robotnik trying to steal the Master Emerald and cries out to him "I thought we had something special!", to which Robotnik responds by electrocuting Knuckles. Sonic, of course, beats the shit out of the good doctor, blows up the Death Egg again, and returns the Master Emerald to Knuckles.

edit Book of Dreamcast

Robotnik, having undergone intense rebranding as "Eggman", made his jump to 3D in Sonic Adventure (1999). Now you can see his mustache in all its polygonal glory. In the game, he returns to Floating Island, which though once the size of Australia and featuring a dozen different biomes, is now just a small barren mountain hovering over South America. Eggman studies the ruins, wonders why exactly there's wall climbing Echidnas in the amazon yet the cats are to fat to sit in trees, and stumbles across some Mayan hieroglyphics that tell of a shape shifting tentacle monster made out of water that's trapped in the Master Emerald. Eggman then smashed the Master Emerald, which sort of made his carrying it head on into a meteor storm in the last game look rather reckless in retrospect. With Chaos released, Eggman could now sub contract half his boss fights.

In addition to the monster, Eggman also constructs a giant ship known as the Egg Carrier, and manufactures cooler-looking robots to help him take over the world. Unfortunately, once he gets all of the Chaos Emeralds and feeds them to Chaos, Chaos betrays him. Eggman tries to stop Chaos by shooting at him with his Egg Carrier 2, but Chaos fires his lazor on Eggman and sends the not-so-good doctor flying sky high. Sonic, as expected, defeats the monster and restores peace to the town, despite Chaos already having destroyed the city and caused the deaths of millions.

In Sonic Adventure 2 (2001), Eggman falls into a dumpster, defeated. In the dumpster, he finds the diary of Prof. Gerald Robotnik, his great-grandfather, that mentions some kind of "Ultimate Life Form". Equipped with his Egg Walker turret, Eggman goes to Prison Island to find the lifeform; as it turns out, it's Shadow the Hedgehog, an angsty clone of Sonic with a posh British accent. Along with a heavily-endowed bat who is actually an undercover G.U.N agent named Rouge, Shadow teams up with Eggman to conquer the world. Of course, like every villain the foolish doctor teams up with, Shadow secretly plans to backstab Eggman at the last minute.

Eggman's proudest moment in the game occurs when he nearly kills Sonic—of course, since Sonic's the main character, he lives via a weak plot twist. Nevertheless, Eggman manages to nab the seven Chaos Emeralds and puts them in the Eclipse Cannon, but finds out that the Space Colony ARK[1] was pre-programmed by Prof. Gerald to crash into Earth when activated, as retaliation for those gubment bastards killing his granddaughter. Eggman then reluctantly teams up with Sonic and pals to save his hide. Prof. Gerald's holo-ghost appears to make sure the Ark crashes, and reveals a massive movement impaired lizard but is easily defeated by the duo of Super Sonic and Super Shadow. While Sonic survives, Shadow somehow runs out of energy and falls to Earth, presumably to his splattering death. Eggman then reluctantly flies the gang of furries home on his space shuttle, and there is much bickering during the trip.

edit Book of 6Gen

In Sonic Heroes (2004), Eggman creates a series of battleships called the Egg Fleet, which he plans to use to take over the world in three days (good luck with that). Unfortunately, before he can take over the world, he is captured by his own creation, Metal Sonic. Oh yeah, did we mention Eggman made a robotic copy of Sonic? Metal betrays Eggman by locking him up, taking control of his fleet, and shapeshifting into the doctor.

Eggman uses a walkie talkie to contact the Team Chaotix detective agency, and offers them lots and lots of money if they free him. Once Eggman is freed, it is too late, and Metal Sonic transforms into a rehash of Chaos, but Sonic and friends defeat him with the Real Super Power of Teamwork. After the ordeal, Eggman is chased away by Team Chaotix because he tried to sneak out of paying them.

edit Book of 7Gen

In Sonic Unleashed (2008), Eggman turns Sonic into a Werehog and tries to break the planet into pieces, which backfires horribly. In Sonic Colors (2009), he tries to enslave an alien race known as Wisps and drain their energy, but once again, fails. In Sonic Generations (2011), he teams up with his Classic Robotnik counterpart and tries to do everything evil he did before, but fails again. When their plan fails, the two Eggmans get trapped outside the space-time continuum for a year.[2]

edit References

  1. Oh yeah, did I tell you about the ARK? It belittled the Death Egg about as much as the Death Star being built by grasshopper people.
  2. Even in the world of video game plots, this is bat fuck insane.
Shadow-21 Sonic the Hedgehog
Sonic the Hedgehog - Shadow the Hedgehog - Rouge the Bat - Amy Rose - Dr. Eggman
Miles "Tails" Prower- Tails the Straight
Why?:Does Everyone Hate Sonic the Hedgehog
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