Dr. Leonard McCoy

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Dr. McCoy doing a thorough inspection of life on an Alien Planet

“I'm dead, Jim.”

~ Dr. Bones on himself

“I get half of whatever's in his wallet.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the dead guy Doc. was talking about

“Are you, sure, you're a, doctor?”

~ Captain Kirk on Bone's doctorhood

“Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, not ah.... DRAMA QUEEN!”

~ Dr. Bones

“You're dead, Jim.”

~ Dr. Bones talking to Kirk on his deathbed.

Doctor Leonard "Bones" McCoy was "just an old country doctor" on the starship Enterprise under the command of Captain James T. Kirk. We cannot stress enough that he is a doctor, dammit. Not a bricklayer or a penguin or a ten-foot pole, but a doctor. Jim seems to think otherwise.

[edit] Tenure on the Enterprise

Dr. Bones on his day off at the salon.

McCoy was the Enterprise's chief medical officer, often finding himself playing nursemaid to some strange alien creature or an escaped criminal when they were carted into sickbay. He was perhaps most well-known for his anti-Vulcan bigotry, particularly against the half-Vulcan, Spock. Considering how many other southerners seem to be more bigoted towards members of their own species (such as black people or Jews or women), McCoy's own distrust towards Spock would be more easily condoned were it not for the fact that Spock is supremely awesome.

Dr. Bones was also extremely bigoted towards Tribbles, but since Tribbles are the most terrifying thing in existence, this hatred is completely justified.

He was also prone to suddenly taking a contrary stance on the random and mundane actions of his fellow crewmen. Examples included:

• Walking through a door. ("Dammit, Man! That thing's gonna crush you like a melon!")
• Taking a drink of water. ("Are you out of your mind? Have you tested that stuff for poison?")
• Locking the door to one's quarters. ("Well, what'll you do if there's a fire and you can't wake up!? Who'll save you then?!")
• Shaking more than twice. ("You'll go blind, you crazy fool!")

[edit] Life After the Enterprise

After many wacky and fun-filled adventures on the Enterprise, Dr. McCoy retired to Myrtle Beach, where he spends his time drinking Coronas and getting back massages from Nurse Chapel, and on occasion driving around a golf cart after doing some hits of LSD, often unintentionally quoting Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

Other people say that he is actually dead, but these people are not cool, and therefore should be totally ignored.

[edit] A list of things that Dr. McCoy is

• A doctor

[edit] A list of things that Dr. McCoy is not

McCoy in an advertisement for NASA Spacepens, the pens that can write upside down.

• Moon Shuttle Conductor
• Necro-Erotic Porn-hating Machine Gun Artist
• Bricklayer
• The Real McCoy
• Psychiatrist .. oops, wait, he is.
• Mechanic
• Engineer
• Scientist
• Physicist
• Spock
• Escalator
• Magician
• Miracle Worker
• Violinist he's not religious