Don't vote for my dog!
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This fall, and for the next four years, America needs leadership. Leadership that will lead us resolutely into a strength we will need in order to lead resolutely and with strength. America needs character. The character to resolutely lead those who are resolved to be led through character, and strength. America needs dignity. And honor. And leadership. What America does not need is my dog, Buddy.
That's right. Buddy, my dog, is the worst. He's just terrible. Don't vote for my dog!
Reasons not to vote for Buddy
I don't make these kinds of remarks lightly. I have both
edited enhanced photos and logic to back up my statements.
He's gayI have an audio clip of Buddy saying the following:
|A gay dog! (file info)|
“I'm cookoo for dudes!”
You heard him. He's a gay dog. No one likes gay dogs.
It's just an abomination. What kind of an example is he setting for the children? I have to prevent kids from coming over to pet him, because they'd probably go home and start making out with each other. Also, I think he gets off on it. What a sick, sick dog.
When I found out he was gay, I ran out and had him neutered. And the vet commended me for it. It's good to know there are still people in this country with real values.
But even after I had his balls chopped off, he's still always walking around the house in a swishy kind of way, being gay. I can't believe how gay this dog is. He is GAY GAY GAY GAY!
How did I go so wrong with this dog?
He's a liberal
Buddy has a blue ball and a red ball. Sometimes he brings me the blue ball instead of the red one. See? He's promoting the values of blue states. He's a liberal!
Of course, sometimes he brings me the red ball. You know what that means, right? He's a communist!! My dog is a liberal communist. Bad dog, Buddy. Bad dog!! If you thought you were getting dinner tonight, you can forget it. It's time for you to see the economic results of communism firsthand.
Also, he's always spending time on the lawn. Which is green. And he poops on the lawn. Which is organic. So obviously he's an anti-business tree-hugger. I think he's planning to bomb an industrial park.
My dog is a communist, a socialist, a Marxist, a Bolshevik, a tree-hugger, a hippie, and did I mention he's gay?
What a terrible dog. Don't vote for him!
He's a nigger
When forced to choose between a plate with an American flag on it and a plate with watermelon on it, Buddy chose the watermelon. Clearly, this means he is a nigger.
Dogs are very clever about concealing their race, because of the fur. However, if I shaved him, I'm sure he would be as black as the heart of a terrorist. Also, if I cut him while shaving, he'd bleed dog's blood, which again, is the same as with a nigger.
Also, sometimes I catch him on the porch.
Any dog who would turn up his nose at the Red, White and Blue is a dog America does not need. Any dog who would sit in front of a plate of Old Glory with a dumb, gay look on his face is a dog Americans DO NOT WANT.
The only people who would vote for my nigger dog are people who hate America. Don't vote for my dog!!!
He hates America
With all of this legitimate evidence, one could say that Buddy is a gay nigger who hates America. I could also say that he's a liberal, except I just did.
If you vote for Buddy
You will regret it.
- ↑ I'll fuck you up.