Don't Put Descartes Before De Horse!
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“Oui. Et il ne faut pas cautionner l'irréalité sous des aspérités absentes et désenchantées de nos pensées iconoclastes et désoxydées par nos désirs excommuniés de la fatalité”
“I don't understand that quote.”
Don't Put Descartes Before De Horse is a French language film (with mock-Swedish subtitles) which preaches about cowboy ethics, based on the Nobel Prize-winning research done by French philosopher, Gerard Depardieu. The movie was also an early vehicle for Rene Descartes. Many modern critics rate it alongside Ingmar Bergman's "The Seventh Seal", not just within the major themes and use of allegory but also within its soul-destroying banality.
Don't Put Descartes Before De Horse tells the story of Moo-moo the cow, and Boy-Boy the boy who, by some unfortunate incident of incomprehensible messed up genetics, came to be one as a whole. The film is considered by many to be an inspiration behind the later movie Human Centipede.
As with all French Cinema, the film features over twenty-five minutes of wind sound, long periods of total silence punctuated by random screams and full frontal nudity, whilst containing only three and a half minutes of anything that can be vaguely described as a plot. In a world without Michael Bay the movie would be considered a masterpiece of cinematography.
Don't Put Descartes Before De Horse won over other movies such as Immanuel Cunt, Plato the Plate and Let's Go High-Digger starring Katheryn Hegel for the Best Movie Oscar in 1977. It also had the recognition of being applauded by Oscar Wilde as "The best thing since Crossroads." In 1978 it came runner up for the Glob d'Or within the Top French Film Featuring Gérard Depardieu's genitals category.
Oscar Wilde's Rave Review
“"Don't Put Descartes Before De Horse" is the best thing since "Crossroads"!”
Unlike the majority of Oscar Wilde's quotes the one relating to this film remains the most enigmatic and a fascinating historical footnote within the great man's social commentary. A great deal of debate has gone on with many questioning the "Crossroads" to which he is referring. Some point to Eric Clapton's compilation album from 1987, whilst others to the British TV sitcom of the 1970s. The 1980 musical road movie featuring Ralph Macchio is occasionally cited by fans of Steve Vai. For many though the true meaning of his comments remain a mystery, on parr with the Voynich Manuscript and Nicholas Cage's film career.
- Gerard Depardieu