Dominic Howard
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“I love him! Ilove him! I lo- hang on...this is dom's profile”
~ Chris Wolstenholme on gay love
Dominic Howard, more commonly known as Dom or "Super Drum Basher 3000", is the third member of the popular Hard Space Rock R&B Classical Country Opera Hip-hop Progressive Neo-rock Rap Metal Alien band Muse.
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[edit] Before Muse
- Dom was a stripper in a gay bar. Then one day Matthew Bellamy saw him and took him to his home planet of Mars. Since then, the two have been involved in a huge conspiracy to stop other bands copying them (assasin). This conspiracy has inspired millions of other, such as Chris Martin and his wife, Thom Yorke and everyone he's ever met, George and Laura Bush, and more recently Al Gore.
- Dom has many stalkers, with the majority of them from Aberdeen in Scotland, where Dom got his first job as an ICT technician, but then got fired for trying to manipulate students at the nearby college into thinking they were aliens. Dom was then told at his nearby Job Centre Plus that a stripper at a gay bar was the right job for him.
[edit] Special Powers
- Contrary to popular belief, Dom is actually a Sex God. In a recent interview he admitted to sleeping with over three thousand women and eighteen aliens. At least, those are the ones he can remember, though he has a feeling the numbers may be in the millions. Every time he has sex, Trojan's stock goes up eight points. He also pulls strangely orgasmic faces while playing that, if one sees them, will make one spontaneously combust. It is also said that looking directly at his teeth will make the viewer have an orgasm immediately. Sometimes at random, whenever Dom engages in sexual activity, the London stock market improves, with FTSE 100 being the main benefiter. One of the reasons why the financial crisis has hit Britain so harshly is because Dom began believing in Chastity.
- In addition, Dom possesses superspeed (given to him by Matt through an alin space ray) and can play his drums at a speed that will make anyone who tries to do the same immediately hit themselves in the face/crotch. Due to the highspeed and bouncing, they will often also lose their balls. As Dom has testicles of steel this has never been a problem.
“It's true”
~ Dom's balls on Dominic Howard
- Also, his tight, colorful pants have been known to blind people, who are immediately hypnotized by the brightness of them and are incapable of looking away and therefore remain in a state of awe and utter uselessness. This applies to men and women alike and may be the key to Dom's success in getting laid, because he abuses the victims defenseless state and takes advantage of them, as they continue to stare at his ass, which is nicely fit into lime green pants. There has been evidence of this, however, it remains unreleased thus far, since it is in the grasp of Matt, who was the director of this unique, revealing footage. Perhaps the true powers of the pants and Dom's sexual attractiveness will be revealed, when the video is released. Until then, we can never truly fathom the greatness and the deep powers which surround Dominic and his trousers. Matt admitted to finding Dom's yellow trousers, "a bit gay," but would still let Dom do him up the ass.
- Dom's last secret superpower has yet to be revealed but is rumored to be about a special direction his hips move in that no one else's can, therefore enthralling Matt, Thom Yorke, Pedro McWonderholme, his drum seat, and every woman that has ever lived. Ever.
- New evidence shows that Dom has killed Peter Parker and stole his snazzy Spiderman suit. How rude.
[edit] Relationship with Matthew Bellamy
- Despite claims by many to the contrary, Dom does not participate in gay sex with lead singer Matt Bellamy.
- Matt actually filmed Dom having sex, once. Scientists are still working to find out if it actually was Bellamy & Howard in the film.
“I heard a squelching noise, so I went to investigate.”
~ Matt Bellamy on Dom having hot sex
[edit] The PDT'ers
- The PDT'ers are a race of Dom-obsessed fans, who are known for their obsessive-ness and run-by gropages. They have been persuaded to do Dom's evil bidding on several occasions, and sometimes fight each other for days to get their hands on Dom memorabilia.
[edit] Dom's sunglasses
- Dom's sunglasses actually give him constant erections. This is why he loves them so and owns over eight thousand pairs. Though he wishes to wear them onstage to block the sight of Matt's arse wiggling around as he plays, it is impossible as he becomes blind onstage. This is an effect of his time spent on Mars and/or excessive orgies. This problem is rectified by wearing excessively tight and colorful pants that can be seen from space and, therefore, Mars.
