Doctor Oz

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GreaseWine'86

Today's healthy supplement: Grease Wine!

Doctor Oz is a doctor on TV who also has an MD, which he uses occasionally to procure organs of the deceased, which he uses in his reality show. His show is about nutrition, exercise, sleeping habits, supplements, health aids, chemistry, and dead mutilated organs. Especially dead mutilated organs, which he pulls out at every show.

Nutrition

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A man enjoying a salt-free and sugar-free diet.

This part of the show is focused on nagging the viewer into buying whatever supplement has sponsored the show or book whose author or publisher has sponsored the show today. Sometimes vegetables are recommended, occasionally vegan diets are recommended, usually salt-free and sugar-free diets are recommended for weight loss, but most often expensive supplements are recommended. Anatomical charts are pulled out, along with chemistry sets, in order to prove the benefits of the supplement of the day. Some say this section is just an excuse for Dr. Oz to get his mad scientist on. The side effects of the supplements and drawbacks are never mentioned until a future episode, in which a competing supplement is hyped.

Exercise

Dr. Oz likes to do push-ups, and thinks you should do push-ups too. One-handed push-ups are especially healthy, especially while holding a sack of potatoes above your shoulders in the other hand. He also likes bouncy balls, and uses them at every possible opportunity. He throws them at the audience and at guest speakers. Who doesn't like bouncy balls, especially when they are thrown at your head?

Health Aids

These are devices that are designed to make you healthier. Some of these are sex toys, which may keep you disease-free for awhile when substituted for sex, as long as you remember to clean them between uses, and some are bondage gear, designed to make your partner happier. Others are clutter, an absolute hygienic essential for every home.

Chemistry

Any time the digestive system is mentioned, a chemistry set is pulled out, which either becomes fizzy, changes color, overflows, explodes, lets off smoke, or all of the above. Moral of this story: What you eat can cause you to become fizzy, change color, spill over, explode, or put out smoke, or any of the above combined.

Dead Organs

Yes, these are human organs from a cadaver. In case you were not convinced by the chemistry demonstration, Dr Oz pulls out his purple gloves and takes out cadaver organs out of a rubber bag, and forces one of the unlucky members of his audience to fondle the organs. There is always one normal organ, and one diseased or mutilated organ to compare it with. This proves beyond a doubt that if you do not buy the health aids or supplements that he is advertising that day, you will get organs like the mutilated one by the time you die, probably as a result of having your organ mutilated by aging.

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