| DO NOT DELETE THIS ARTICLE|
THIS PAGE IS FUNNY AND DOES FIT IN UNCYCLOPEDIA. ALSO CHECK OUT ITS ENTRY AT Uncyclopedia:Pages NOT to be deleted.
“Now all we need is a Oscar Wilde quote, then its official.”
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT DELETE THIS ARTICLE. If you so much as think about deleting this article I swear to god you are a dead man. You hear me? DEAD!! You have to understand that even attempting to delete this page or by disfiguring it in anyway you will beaten to a pulp and then killed in accordance to however I feel like killing you. I'm not kidding I will kill you, or I'll have God do it for me. Yeah, that's right, God on wheels is on my side, and he would gladly kill you if you mess with this page. Don't even think about deleting it, that means no NRV tagging or anything, You understand? Or you're dead. Me and God will team up, and maybe Jesus too, and we'll kill you. You will die.
Why you probably shouldn't delete this article
Many an Uncyclopedian has dared to take vengeance on this article, but very few have lived to see the next day. This Uncyclopedian was fearless in the face of danger, and she made it, but just barely. For a couple weeks later a great illness had befallen her, and now she lives in her basement for the rest of eternity with her 3-legged cat. For if she were to leave she would be mobbed and killed. Because she dared to mess with this page. We shall not mention her name because it is so great in evil that no one dares speak for fear that her eternal soul will haunt them until their premature death. As for the article, it has suffered a couple of scratches and bruises, but it will never falter so much as to die. Oh no, this article is immortal in all aspects and should be dealt great care when handled by those who are strangers. So... watch out or God's gonna get pissed and we're gonna take you out! (Note: Although the description above sounds like Martha Stewart, it is not. Nor is it Star Jones)
The truth is that if you mess with this you will be given a little sheet of paper with a number on it and when you hear the lady call the number than that means its your turn to die. And if you try to leave the customer service section of the store before your number is called in an attempt to escape death, then they’ll just repeatedly call your number until you finally get annoyed and give up. Like in that one movie Final Destination. Did you hear they've made Final Destination 3? Seriously what the hell is that all about. I mean the first one was okay but god you don't do three of them. It's like Scream, those movies sucked ass. Anyway when your number is called, you will have the option of the following ways to die:
- We could rent a hooker and have her give you AIDS.
- We could sell you tainted graham crackers.
- We could have the Sacred Grue eat you.
- We could buy you an electrocuting iPod.
- We could force you to look at your mom naked.
- We could make Microsoft Sam to read Shakespeare to you.
- We could throw a cat at your face.
- We could force a whale down your throat.
- We could send you to Soviet Russia
- If you're Jewish we could make you eat pork.
- Or we could show you the other half of your penis.
- We could lock you in a room with a Dead flounder
- We could feed you to a polar bear.
- We could make you go on Oprah.
- We could talk about Katie Homes a whole bunch and then release Tom Cruise.
- We could make you read an infinite list of ways that we could kill you.
- We could slap you real hard.
- We could make you listen to Stairway to Heaven. Twice.
- We could make you eat that rice bread stuff. (euw)
- We could get Chuck Norris (family friend) to do a roundhouse kick to your face.
- (Note - The following text takes place in real time) We could get Jack Bauer (my cousin) to Shoot Vin Diesel, break your fingers, kill you, find the terrorists, and disarm the bomb all in 24 hours.
- Three words, chicken suit.
My relationship with God
We met in the third grade, I was short and scrawny, he was tall and masculine. We really did make the perfect pair. We started to hang out more and more until we were about 14 when I moved into his house. We watched the same TV, shared the same girlfriend, recycled together, and often times used the same tooth brush as one another. When it came time for college we knew it was time to split way. I went to Hawkeye Community Resource "College" and he went to Columbia. But somehow he'd always find a way to be with me every weekend. When he graduated and I gave up we decided to purchase a house together. A couple of months later we met Sally and not long after that the three of us were married. We had our first child in January of 1994. The next year God told me about Jesus. He said that they never even had sex and that Jesus was the biggest mistake of his life. He even offered to put him to sleep. An offer which I may have accepted..I was pretty disappointed but I knew that God was telling the truth and that I could trust Him. Now we have two children and a cat. To tell you the truth I don't remember ever being as happy as I am when I'm with God.
Back to the Article
This article is like a third child to me and God. If you touch it, I will rape you. Yes, I have a wife, but I also have an article. I think we all know which one is more important. So if you or someone you know is thinking of messing with this article, Call 1-800-HELPNOW, that's 1-800-HELPNOW. Please call, because if you touch my article. You're fucking dead. rawr.
Liability Uncyclopedia and its affiliated projects do not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information, apparatus, product, or process disclosed. And will not assume responsibility of any possible fatalities linked to messing with/screwing up/deleting this article.
Endorsement Uncyclopedia does not endorse or recommend any previously expressed options of death. The views and opinions of the User(s) expressed in this article do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Uncyclopedia. Furthermore Uncyclopedia has no plans whatsoever to take place in any future homicides.
Religious Affiliation Uncyclopedia hereby renounces any and every religion, on the grounds that they are complete bullshit. However Uncyclopedia does believe that there may be a man named God, and he may be armed and dangerous. If you have any information leading to the location or whereabouts of this suspect, please contact your local FBI offices immediately.
Limited Life-Time Warranty The limited life-time warranty issued by Uncyclopedia does not include wrongful deaths due to blood crazed Users, and therefore should not be brought against Uncyclopedia in any past, present, or future court proceedings.
Other Articles You Should Not Mess With
- Any article including the word iPod
- Any article that has one of those things that said it should've been featured.
- Any article that has a Yo Momma joke in it.
- Any article about or containing the words Dead flounder.
- Any article that has been deleted but then recreated.(e.g. Jesus, Lazarus.)
- Any article about or pertaining to the word Flabbergasted
- Any article in the AAAAAAAAA! family.
- Other articles that have yet to been created but that will be and that you can't mess with.
Although this is a completely random list, and adds nothing to the article. I like it, and if you mess with it: Chan will eat you. Chan has been known to eat many things, besides hot dogs and buns, including babies, palm trees, knuckles (especially white ones), and the occasional sushi.