Dj qbert

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Dr. Thaddeus DJ Qbert (born before time and existing outside of it) is the Earth name identity of Richard Quitevis, the 32nd Inner Space Dental Commander of the People’s Republic of Innerspace and inappropriate bearer of the Wave Twister.

[edit] Early Life

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was a funky scratchy twisty noise that Qbert made on his custom built turntable. “Let there be Light!” shouted the obscure sample. “Let there be L-l-l-l-la-li-light!”

[edit] How Qbert Came To Possess The Power of The Wave Twister

Before becoming a greatly admired hero and Dental Commander, Qbert was a lowly employee of the month at Lord Afrodude’s prestigious Innerspace Discount Dental & Orthodontic Clinic, where his many hobbies consisted of hanging out with a robot, abusing the Nitrous Oxide he used in his work, fucking up people’s teeth, hanging out with a beautiful and scantly clad graffiti artist, abusing N2O, and fucking up people’s teeth while currently tripping so hard on N2O he has spiritual visions of the masked guitarist and official Hero of Mexico, Saint Buckethead. It was during one of these profound experiences with the Saint that Qbert discovered the Wave Twister, along with someone’s arm, lodged inside the mouth of a halfmanhalfalligatorhalfshark (who some believe to have been the terrible emperor of the moon, Black Elvis). He quickly took to it like a real pro, scratching funky and innovative sounds all over the galaxy.

[edit] The Dental Commander-Lord Ook War

Qbert’s discovery of the holy Wave Twister artifact unwittingly hurled him into an epic battle with babies controlled by worms and creepy baby-like dolls, both of whom were attempting to… Actually, no one knows what they were attempting to do but, being villains in this story, we have to assume it was Bad. Qbert and his band of rag tag hip hop addicted friends led an army of toy Mobil people against Lord Ook’s horrible octopus people and, through drug abuse and continually doing nothing right except making the funkiest music you’ve ever heard, won.

[edit] Qbert Comes To America

After the war, Qbert was never the same, changing his name to Richard Quivetis. and having dental work to reduce the ridiculous size of his teeth (once his greatest pride). Feeling lost in a world of crazy drug induced hallucinations and hip hop themed fantasy, Qbert traveled to America, seeking a new life. Upon arrival, he invented shoes, pants, and soap. A brief stint with hoboism followed his inventing career and historians often debate what direction his life took at this point, as the only surviving records are legends from winos, junkies, and Jack Kerouac.

[edit] Qbert Today

However, Qbert’s legends as a hero followed him to this new land and although his popularity is much weaker on this side of the subatomic inter-dimensional molecules he is still unable to completely escape his fame. Settling down with his wife in the Hawaiian state of Curly Joe, Qbert has accepted a far quieter life of superheroism, inventing and building strange and wondrous machines, progressing science and human knowledge by a thousand fold, controlling the ocean and the wind, and solving mysteries with his wife, child, and a small midget they force to dress up as a dog. Among Qbert’s many contributions to the world, the QFO stands out as a revolutionary new device capable of, as Qbert himself has stated, “Dude, anything. It’s like a genie in a bottle, man. Except there’s no poison in the bottle, like there usually is with genies. Dude, I hate that. I want my three wishes, and you just want to kill me. How can we have a trusting business relationship with crap like that between us?” The future looks bright for Qbert, as Qbert is the anthropomorphication of the future.