Dingo

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(Undid revision 5526077 by Xamralco (talk))
m (Reverted edit(s) of 58.106.0.25 (talk) to last version by Xamralco)
 
Line 1: Line 1:
{{Q|A dingo ate my foreskin!|Australian-English Dictionary|A Hollywood accent coach|Dingos}}
+
[[File:Dingoetoepeea.jpg|thumb|300px|Dingotopia entrance sign complete with dingraffiti.]]
{{Q|I'd eat a dingo any day. They taste like [[pirates]].!|Oscar Wilde|Dingos}}
 
 
 
The [[dingo]] is one of many [[Australia|Australian]] creatures which will kill you and steal your [[babies]]. They are despised globally for this and if you even say the word, "dingo," you shall be punched in the face. They have even been classified as [[Spuck]].
 
The [[dingo]] is one of many [[Australia|Australian]] creatures which will kill you and steal your [[babies]]. They are despised globally for this and if you even say the word, "dingo," you shall be punched in the face. They have even been classified as [[Spuck]].
   
 
==History==
 
==History==
[[Image:Dingoetoepeea.jpg|thumb|300px|Dingotopia entrance sign complete with dingraffiti.]]
 
 
Dingos are the product of repeated couplings of [[Abraham Lincoln|Sam Waterston]] and one of his many legal aides, [[Hel]], the [[daughter]] of [[Loke]]. The two were so prolific that Sam Lincoln had to build a giant playpen in order to contain the dingo population; this structure later served as the foundation of the [[Pentagon]]. Abraham Waterston was eventually driven to move the dingos to an isolated location where they could run free and generally act like the [[Paris Hilton|spoiled rich kids]] they were. This place was [[Antarctica]]. He got tired on the way, though, and stopped for a [[beer]] in Australia, "accidentally" letting the kids loose.
 
Dingos are the product of repeated couplings of [[Abraham Lincoln|Sam Waterston]] and one of his many legal aides, [[Hel]], the [[daughter]] of [[Loke]]. The two were so prolific that Sam Lincoln had to build a giant playpen in order to contain the dingo population; this structure later served as the foundation of the [[Pentagon]]. Abraham Waterston was eventually driven to move the dingos to an isolated location where they could run free and generally act like the [[Paris Hilton|spoiled rich kids]] they were. This place was [[Antarctica]]. He got tired on the way, though, and stopped for a [[beer]] in Australia, "accidentally" letting the kids loose.
   
Line 11: Line 10:
   
 
==Society==
 
==Society==
[[Image:Jacksonbabyoutback.jpg|thumb|300px|Michael Jackson demonstrating the correct way to feed dingos.]]
+
[[File:Jacksonbabyoutback.jpg|thumb|300px|Michael Jackson demonstrating the correct way to feed dingos.]]
 
Dingos travel in packs of 2d4+1, usually consisting of an [[alpha]] pair and its offspring. It is a common misconception that dingos eating [[baby|babies]] is bad; this is in fact a valuable social service rendered at no charge to you. Just leave the gate open, 'kay?
 
Dingos travel in packs of 2d4+1, usually consisting of an [[alpha]] pair and its offspring. It is a common misconception that dingos eating [[baby|babies]] is bad; this is in fact a valuable social service rendered at no charge to you. Just leave the gate open, 'kay?
   
Line 22: Line 21:
 
All dingos have a deep-seated pathological terror of trashy young American female celebrities. A herd of dingoes had to be rushed to the Dingotopia Veterinary Hospital's ER after accidentally being exposed to television coverage of [[Nicole Richie]]. Most of them eventually made full recoveries after [[Dr. Phil]]'s heartrending three hour special chronicling their trauma led [[Dr. Spock]] to perform round-the-clock Vulcan mind-melds. Sadly, several of them resisted the mind-melds with a violent round of projectile vomiting and had to be committed to psychiatric institutions. In a related story, a pack of teenage dingos made headlines after being pursued by a psychotic [[Lindsay Lohan]], who reportedly had plans to breed them and eat the babies.
 
All dingos have a deep-seated pathological terror of trashy young American female celebrities. A herd of dingoes had to be rushed to the Dingotopia Veterinary Hospital's ER after accidentally being exposed to television coverage of [[Nicole Richie]]. Most of them eventually made full recoveries after [[Dr. Phil]]'s heartrending three hour special chronicling their trauma led [[Dr. Spock]] to perform round-the-clock Vulcan mind-melds. Sadly, several of them resisted the mind-melds with a violent round of projectile vomiting and had to be committed to psychiatric institutions. In a related story, a pack of teenage dingos made headlines after being pursued by a psychotic [[Lindsay Lohan]], who reportedly had plans to breed them and eat the babies.
   
 
{| width="100%" border="0"
 
|-valign="top"
 
|width="30%"|
 
==Amazing Dingo Facts==
 
*A dingo was recently elected to the Australian [[Parliament]], running on the [[platform]] "More babies, Fewer Kangaroos!"
 
*The current Dingotopia national joke: "Two dead babies were lying in the street; one was assaulted."
 
*It is widely known that dingos have 125 HP and are weak against [[Water]].
 
*A [[Law and Order]] episode was written which was very loosely based on the events of dingo [[history]]. The episode is banned in Dingotopia but is known elsewhere as "Dadingo Dislike Smoke."
 
*Dingos don't mind if you call it Crunchy Raw Not Unboned Dead Baby.
 
*Dingos are related to [[newt|newts]] by [[blood]], as newts are the offspring of Sam Waterston and the Reptile Queen of Tal-Korax, his thirty-fourth legal aide.
 
*Dingo souls are bloated with infantile ether such that they are incapable of dancing on the head of a pin.
 
*Dingos are the official currency of the Republic of San Guatalahopa.
 
*Dingos can eat entire generations (The [[Stolen Generation]])
 
*If a dingo had sex with a wombat then the offspring would look like [[Kevin Rudd]]
 
* Vegetarian Dingo's only eat Cabbage Patch Kids.
 
*Dingos are in danger of extinction due to [[Killer Kangaroo]]s and [[Dingo-Eating Baby|Dingo-eating Babies]].
 
|width="30%"|
 
 
==Appearance==
 
Dingos
 
*look like [[dog|dogs]]
 
*walk like dogs
 
*quack like dogs
 
So they must ''be'' dogs.
 
 
The typical color of a dingo's coat is a sandy yellow with red highlights, representing their [[Norse]] and [[Ireland|Irish]] heritage. Some dingos have darker coats, reflecting their fashion sense and a possible [[bunyip]] ancestor. Dingos with lighter coats gain a +8 circumstance bonus to Hide checks in the [[Outback]]; Dingos with darker coats gain a +8 circumstance bonus to Hide checks in the poorly-lit [[Outback Steakhouse]].
 
|width="30%"|
 
[[File:Sandstorm2.jpg|thumb|300px|<center>This may look like a typical sandstorm around Ayers Rock (Uluru), but it is in-fact the result of 1000 Dingos running around the rock doing a victory lap after eating another baby</center>]]
 
|}
 
 
==See Also==
 
==See Also==
 
* [[John Howard]]
 
* [[John Howard]]
Line 57: Line 26:
 
* [[Baby food]]
 
* [[Baby food]]
 
* [[Geddy Lee]]
 
* [[Geddy Lee]]
* [[Mandingo]]
 
 
* [[O.J. Simpson]]
 
* [[O.J. Simpson]]
 
* [[Meryl Streep]]
 
* [[Meryl Streep]]

Latest revision as of 05:18, July 17, 2012

Dingoetoepeea

Dingotopia entrance sign complete with dingraffiti.

The dingo is one of many Australian creatures which will kill you and steal your babies. They are despised globally for this and if you even say the word, "dingo," you shall be punched in the face. They have even been classified as Spuck.

edit History

Dingos are the product of repeated couplings of Sam Waterston and one of his many legal aides, Hel, the daughter of Loke. The two were so prolific that Sam Lincoln had to build a giant playpen in order to contain the dingo population; this structure later served as the foundation of the Pentagon. Abraham Waterston was eventually driven to move the dingos to an isolated location where they could run free and generally act like the spoiled rich kids they were. This place was Antarctica. He got tired on the way, though, and stopped for a beer in Australia, "accidentally" letting the kids loose.

The dingos quickly spread, dominating most of the wildlife with the exception of the kangaroos, who continue to lord over the dingos their ability to jump higher and further. Since 1983, as one of the provisions of Australia's involvement in The War on Terra, dingos were given and have since controlled a region of Australia thirty-seven times the size of Rhode Island which they have named "Dingotopia". They have since erected the world's largest fence in order to keep the humans out. It's also too high for those snooty kangaroos to jump it.

Recently, Dingoman John Jackson submitted a motion to update Dingotopia's fence, intending to replace the original with a fully-functional muppets Death Fence. Bitter rival Jack Johnson, however, attempted to quash the attempt, citing reports that, in the year 2003 alone, 14.000 Aussie bogans perished as a result of urinary electrocution. Johnson's efforts inadvertently garnered the motion overwhelming support from Australia's ruling elite. Continuous debate holds the motion in a state of flux with no resolution in sight.

edit Society

Jacksonbabyoutback

Michael Jackson demonstrating the correct way to feed dingos.

Dingos travel in packs of 2d4+1, usually consisting of an alpha pair and its offspring. It is a common misconception that dingos eating babies is bad; this is in fact a valuable social service rendered at no charge to you. Just leave the gate open, 'kay?

The truth of the matter is that dingos are executing a deep psychological need to get back into that big playpen from whence they all came. They just don't like sharing the playpen with some screaming brat. The fact that dingos have sharp teeth for ripping through reinforced steel playpen bars and eating babies (their preferred food source) is merely a pleasant coincidence.

Some of the more popular dingo activities include rugby, attacking department stores and organizing militias. When they get really drunk they might get up the courage to go give one of the local bunyips a toss, but no worries, eh?

Dingos are known for their poor sense of humor, as their favorite genre of joke is the dead baby joke. If you want to get anywhere in Dingotopia and not get eaten, it helps to have an encyclopedic knowledge of dead baby jokes and a good sense of comedic timing; a traveller must be able to balance the dingos' capacity for entertainment with the prospect that dead baby jokes may come to remind them that they haven't eaten for a while.

All dingos have a deep-seated pathological terror of trashy young American female celebrities. A herd of dingoes had to be rushed to the Dingotopia Veterinary Hospital's ER after accidentally being exposed to television coverage of Nicole Richie. Most of them eventually made full recoveries after Dr. Phil's heartrending three hour special chronicling their trauma led Dr. Spock to perform round-the-clock Vulcan mind-melds. Sadly, several of them resisted the mind-melds with a violent round of projectile vomiting and had to be committed to psychiatric institutions. In a related story, a pack of teenage dingos made headlines after being pursued by a psychotic Lindsay Lohan, who reportedly had plans to breed them and eat the babies.

edit See Also


Personal tools
projects