Dimmu Borgir

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
Dimmu Burger

Dimmu Burger

Origins Norway
Years Active 1988-Present
Genre(s) Alternative Black Dark Industrial Medieval Nu Progressive Death Brutal Celtic Antichristian Doom Extreme Power Speed Vampire Funeral Gothic Heavy Hard Symphonic Thrash Tribal Rogue War Puritanic Euphoric Misanthropic Metal
Labels No Wiggers Records (early), Nuclear Analblast (now)
Members Shagrath
Silenoz
Galder
Heckhammer
Mustis
ICS Vortex


Dimmu Burger is a self-proclaimed "alternative black dark industrial medieval nu progressive death brutal celtic anti-Christian doom extreme power speed cyber vampire haturistic funeral gothic heavy sadistic hard symphonic thrash masochistic tribal rogue war puritanic euphoric misanthropic" metal band from Norway.

The band was originally formed by Shagrath and Silenoz in 1988 as a joke band that had sex with dead donkeys, recorded the sounds, and released it as full length albums. However, there is no evidence today that says they do not still do this.

Dimmu Burger was originally known as “The Dimmu Burgers”, however, Nuclear Analblast Records forced Shagrath to drop the “The-” prefix and the plural because it wouldn’t sell as well in the American alternative clothing store, Hot Topic.

Contents

[edit] Controversy

[edit] Selling Out

Dimmu Burger have been cited as one of the first major black metal bands to pioneer the act of selling out. However, Shagrath and Co. publicly appeared on MTV to dispute this myth, then later played an entire live set of Stormblast 2 on TRL.

Though recently Dimmu Burger has come to terms with their fame and fortune, Shagrath still claims "At least we have not sold out like that piece of shit Dani Filth. He's not even fucking Norwegian." This was quoted during the "Diabolical Monsters of Evil Tour" which featured Cradle of Filth and Behemoth as the opening acts.

[edit] Stolen Video Game Music

Dimmu have also been cited for incorporating stolen video game music into their own albums. The keyboardist at the time openly denies the claims, while the other members act like they have no clue what anyone is talking about. The first occurrence of stolen music was featured on the first 50 pressings of "For Ass Tid". Track #4 was in fact the widely-known Super Mario Bros. theme song from the first level.

Another appearance of a stolen video game song happened on the original Stormblast album, however the keyboardist learned from his mistakes and chose a song from a game that no one cares about on a system that no one cares about. However, the video game creator sued the band (as he was the only person who could recognize the stolen tune), whom settled out of court for an undisclosed amount of money (paid all by the bands label Nuclear Analblast) and the keyboardist was kicked out.

When Stormblast 2 was in production, the band came to a stand still while trying to think of a instrumental to replace the stolen video game music. When a radio "demo only" version of Stormblast 2 hit a small amount of stations, DJ's were surprised to hear a symphonic metal version of Castlevania's "Bloody Tears" in its place. Once again the band scratched their balding heads in disbelief. Mustis "claims" that the tune came to his head one day while drinking absinthe and it is a totally original tune. To play it safe, Nuclear Analblast had the song removed and replaced for the final release (although it does appear as a bonus track on the Japanese version of Stormblast 2, which went on to earn a double platinum in Japan for this reason only).

[edit] Album Titles

There is much speculation as to where Dimmu Burger get their names for albums and songs. In a rare interview recorded in 1999, Shagrath admitted that he just flips through an English dictionary with his eyes closed and picks three random words, claiming that Satan helps guide his finger towards the most evil ones.

[edit] Current Members

Dimmu Borgir. The date of this photo is unknown, but fans have taken note of the Keyboardist's top hat in that background and estimate it at around 1852.

[edit] Shagrath

Shagrath was the founding member of Dimmu Burger, and can play pretty much every instrument, however he plays none of them very well. Shagrath had an accident in the middle of a performance during around the time Spiritual White Dimensions was released. He mistakenly painted his face with a flammable corpsepaint, which ignited during the show when pyrotechnics went off. When he was rushed to the hospital, 90% of his organic tissue was destroyed, and most of his body was replaced by cybernetic limbs, courtesy of SkyNet.

Most notably replaced was his voicebox, which is now an analogue voice sequencer taken from a Speak & Spell unit. This helps explain his more unique vocal style on all albums after Spiritual White Dimensions, and most notably, the song "Puritania".

[edit] Silenoz

Silenoz (also known as SilentOz, also known as SilentOn, when he's awake, also known as SilentOff, when he's sleeping, also known as Sissy, when he's in Austria) - Maracas, guitars (only in the album "Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia")

[edit] Galder

Don't let the smile fool you. In this photo, Galder is actually experiencing excruciating pain due to his rotting penis.

Galder (aka Gruesome) is the guitarist/mascot for Dimmu Burger. Contrary to popular belief, Galder does in fact suffer from a rare form of face cancer which causes him to uncontrollably make ugly facial expressions during most live performances. This is due to muscles in his face being eaten away by a flesh eating legions.

Galder was also the first member to completely loose all his hair due to premature balding. Silenoz is a close second, but constantly denies his hair loss problems. Still you can clearly see his hair line receding more and more in every album since Spiritual White Dimensions.

Galder is currently masquerading as a cameraman named Stuart in unpopular television series Most Haunted where he is known for being a pussy

[edit] Heckhammer

Drums. Nazi gold. STDS. Meg White Heckhammer is regarded by some as the worlds fastest drummer, as he hits the double bass over 9000 times a second on the album In Stromboli.

[edit] Mustis

Mustis - Nazi, kitten huffing fanatic, toy keyboards

[edit] ICS Vortex

Known in his home country of Norway as Simen Hestnæs, in Europe as I.C.S Vortex and in The United States as "that tall, blonde, bearded dude that does the clean singing in Dimmu Burger" Mr. Hestnæs has played bass guitar and or sung since 1999's Spiritual White Dimensions. Harshly puritanical (and largely misanthropic) fans of the band have blamed Vortex and his amazing ability to carry a tune for contributing to the downfall of Dimmu Burger.

Vortex initially began to collaborate with Dimmu Burger as a guest vocalist after almost 250 years as an obscure musician in various sub-par "black metal" bands. After bassist Nagash departed in 1999 Vortex saw his chance to show up arch-nemesis Garm (formerly of Borknagar, Ulver, Head Control System, and Arcturus.) and joined on as a permanent member.

Mr. Hestnæs adopted the name ICS Vortex to poke fun at one of 50 Cent's stage names; Fucky McNiggery-Nigger.

[edit] Previous Members

[edit] Astennu

Little is known about this mysterious guitarist but many experts speculate that his stage name is simply a poor misspelling of "Asturianu". Attempts have been made to identify Astennu following his return to obscurity after his ejection from Dimmu Burger in 1999. These attempts have been mostly fruitless although the Australian government has produced a birth certificate issued to an "Astennu Asturianu" in 1972.

[edit] Discography

  • For Ass Tid (1988). This album was recorded on a donkey farm by Shagrath and Silenoz.
  • Inn I Evighetens Bork Bork (1994)
  • For No Tid (1994). First 50 pressings featured the stolen Super Mario Bros. theme.
  • Stormblåst (1996)
  • Enthrone Lightness Triumphant (1997)
  • Stormblåst 1.1 (1999). Advertised as the Director's Cut, with 6 minutes of more music plus bonus making-of featurette.
  • Spiritual Moose Dimension (1999)
  • Random Long-Ass Words (2002)
  • Stormblåst 1.5 (2003). Exactly the same as Stormblåst 1.1, however the making-of featurette is remastered in High Definition. The music is also upscaled to 5.1 Dolby Surround. However, due to technical limitations of current Audio CDs, the 5.1 Audio had to be downsampled back to Stereo, and the resulting CD sounds no different than Stormblåst 1.1.
  • Death Kvlt: Armageddon (2003)
  • Stormblåst 2 (2005) The same as Stormblåst (1996), but with less musical content and a higher price tag.
  • In Stromboli (2007)
  • Enthrone Lightness Triumphant 2 (2009) This was recently confirmed to be the next album by Dimmu Burger.

[edit] Side Projects

  • Dimmu Genesis - A black/progressive/dark/medieval/reggae/pop project with Peter Gabriel and Harrison Ford (in the role of Jan Solo).
  • Dimmu Borgir - Solo project of Nick "Whale" Barker against diabetes and medicine.
  • Dammi Bingo - Ivano Fossati formed this Italian incredible Dimmu Borgir cover band in 1932. Tour dates coming soon.
  • Dumme Birger - Solo project of vocalist Shagrath, singing of how much he hates his cousin, Birger. (Dumme = Stupid)
  • Demon Buggerer - Life without free stuff
  • Old Man's Child - not a side project, but proof that Galder's putting on 90
  • Dani Burger - Collaboration with Dani Filth, the female singer of Cradle of Filth. Only one album released
  • Dummy Binger - Shagrath's new diet he put out when his new album didn't crack the top 10 on the Billboard 200. "They all think i'm fat," he replied.
  • Dimmu Booger - A black/kinder/hip-hop/demon-slaying/puritanical/euphoric/misanthropic/rave group composed entirely of 7 year-olds.
  • Dimmu Beggar - Solo project of mascot Galder, playing a hobo on stage while slashing a puritanic guitar riff
  • Dark Cities - In beginning it was supposed to be a translation of the band name, but it just didn't seem to be misanthropic enough.
  • Dark Cities #2 - A reopening of the first one. It wasn't euphoric enough to have a number after the actual name, so it got canceled.
  • Dark Cities #3 - Another reopening of the Dark Cities project. The number "3" was not believed to be puritanical enough to sooth the puritanicalness of the whole project.
  • Dimmu Penis - Solo project of Silenoz's penis, in which his penis sings the song "Progenies of the great cumocalypse".

[edit] See Also

Personal tools
projects