Digimon
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“I hate all these stupid poke-wait, digi...mon?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Digimon
“This s**t makes Knight Rider look good!”
~ Sean Connery on Digimon
“I don't get it. Are they like super-pokemon?”
~ Deadpool on Digimon
“Oh my God! It's a giant ripoff! It's a ripoff... and it's giant!”
~ Seto Kaiba on Digimon
“Whoa, man... these little dudes can talk!”
~ The creator of Digimon on Digimon
“Huh? What does this have to do with the cotton gin?”
~ Eli Whitney on Digimon
“If they would just hold still...”
~ Carmine on sniping Digimon
“Digimon? Okay, I really need to lay off the kitten huffing...”
~ god on Digimon
“This show is so awesome! Okay, so there was this one time when this bad guy was attacking all the good guys, but then Augumon turns into this giant dinosaur and starts shooting fire at everything, but then the bad guy starts shooting fire back, and everything blows up!!”
~ an eight year-old child on Digimon
“Mud-ripoff-Kip!”
~ Mudkip on Digimon
“Dinner?”
~ Guilmon on Mudkip
“Instant FALIURE!”
~ Borat on Digimon
Digimon is a original show about monsters that appear in the computer. Most of its fans care about the powerful and awesome monsters that are copy of the pokemon fairly original and awesome.
Contents |
History of the pokeDigimon
Legend tells that 100 years ago Norm MacDonald realized that there was a huge plague of Pokemon, so he decided to create the Digital Monsters to obliterate the infestation. Norm originally wanted to defeat them strictly through verbal skills, but quickly realized that digimon are wickedly strong. Sadly, digimon aren't nearly as cuddly as pokemon, so they lost. But, there was hope when Pikachu was arrested for jaywalking. The Client Agumon claims "It was enjoyable, but it was still rjaywalking". Pokemon everywhere were out raged and whole cities were destoryed, and Digimon laid waste in their path of destruction. However, Agumon jaywalked in front of Pikachu, and Pikachu agreed to terms of unconditional surrender.
Differences between Digimon and Pokemon
The primary digi-difference between Digimon and Pokemon is:
- All the Digimon's names ends with "Mon".
- The fact that they are more likely to snuggle unlike pokemon.
- They have the ability to Talk.
- They have more Awesome Evolutions.
- They can turn back into their original forms (Once you get a Muk, you're never getting back your adorable Grimer!)
- They never die, just turn back into digi-eggs, which can be made into a digi-omelet. It's a digi-murder.
- They have giant, massive personalities.
- The kids in the story can become digimon.
- The digivice replaces the pokedex.
- In a fight vs. pokemon they would win. (of course)
Seasons
- Adventure 01(A.k.a the only original season): In this season, the Digidestined are pulled into the Digital World, and are forced to battle evil digimons. Big surprise there, right?
- Adventure 02(A.K.A No longer a shota!): In this season, all the Digidestined have grown old, and can not fight in the two years since the last season. So, the go to a bus stop and round up a bunch of kids to do their dirty work for them.
- Tamers (A.K.A Lets try to copy Yu-gi-oh!): In this season, everything from the past two seasons is retconned, and we find out that everything from the past 2 years of your life, was only a TV show. The plot involves, a bunch of kids with Digimon , but this time they try to be like Yugi Muto.
- Frontier (A.K.A The Random one): In this season,The Originality goes to Your ass and the characters are freaking Stereotypes. Oh, and did I mention that the characters are the digimon? Yep, they're their own freaking digimon. What was the point of the last three seasons? Oh yeah, digimon and their human partners. I guess the writers thought they could just cut out the middleman... er, middledigimon, that is.
- Savers(A.K.A NO shotas Fo this Season): In this season ,Digimons Become a Mix of Power Rangers and Men In Black. Anyway, there's this gay government program, originally started by President Roosevelt as part of his New Deal plan, that monitors digimon. All the characters are hella old in this season - at least 15!!!
CHARACTERS
Adventure 01
Michael Jackson: The One That started the heterosexual tradition of wearing goggles. Because of it, he somehow becomes the leader of the Strip Clubs. So, if you want to move up the office ladder, just wear goggles. Later he became a child molestor when he gave Davis his goggles in hope to rape him. Jackson's digimon is the digi-dinosaur Cumamon, a staple character of the Sex indrustry.
Rihanna:She is a Tomboy that enjoy soccer and sex toys. Her digi-pal is Biyomon, a pink bird digimon. Yes, this show did just get gayer. As a child, her mother constantly forced her to have intercourse. As a result, she now brutally stabs anyone who talks about intercourse (Namely Michael and Chuck), aside from Mimi. In Season two, she is seen briefly with Ellen Degeneres for no discernible reason.
Koushiro (Izzy) Izumi He is the hacker of the group, since every group needs a hacker. He is the smartest of all the children, since he can count all the way to twelve! His digimon is Tentomon, a bug digimon with a horrible British accent. When he was born, his parents abandoned him. In season two, he sets out on a quest to find them. This is an exert from the conversation.
- Izzy: Mom, Dad, I have something to ask you.
- Mother: Well, go on, child we abandoned!
- Izzy: Okay. Why did you... leave me?
- Father: Oh, that's really quite simple, son. You were hideous, horribly ugly. Hey, honey, what was that word I used?
- Mother: AVALANCHAAAAAAAA!
- Father: Avalancha! That's it!
- Izzy: You... what?!
- Father: I'd always heard there was no such thing as an ugly baby.
- Mother: You sure proved them wrong! I'm so proud of you!
- Father: So proud!
- Izzy: ...
Mimi Tachikawa: She is the whore of the group, since every group needs a whore. She is the only character who doesn't enter the digital world. Instead, she spends the entire season propositioning clients on the streets. She is a millionaire by the end of the season. She is given a digimon, but she quickly abandons it. Now, This character is a bit confusing. She's the embodiment of fashion and poise, yet she wears a giant pink cowboy hat. The only logical reason for this is that she's southern. Now, this doesn't work, since we all know that Southerners have no fashion sense.
Joe Kido: The geek of the group, since every... yeah, you already know this schpeal. He is the "cool" one of the group as well. He has glasses, a sweater vest, big shoes, and a digital wristwatch! He spends most of the season trying to fend off the constant wave of girls who want his body. At the end of the series he is arrested for child molestation, since he was actually twenty-three years-old, but no one seemed to notice/care. His Digimon is Gomamon, a digimon that is an adorable seal in Rookie form but later transforms into a gay walrus.
Takeru (T.k) Takaishi: He is Chuck's little brother, thus he is extremely effeminate. His digimon is Patamon which eventually transforms into awesome angle digimon. Sadly, he is too busy wearing his mother's shoes to actually battle with Patamon. Nevertheless, Patamon manages to digivolve on his own, a nearly impossible task.
Hiraki (Kari) Yagami: She is the younger sister of Tai, and is thus a natural-born leader. When she enters the digital world, she tries to assert her leadership but is severely beaten by Tai. Her digimon is Gatomon, a Champion digimon! Sadly, she is very weak and has the power of a rookie digimon. She is afraid of anything Dark. Not sure why, but she apparently is. In Adventure 02, twp of the other digidestined, Davis and T.K, often feud over who has her heart. We all know she likes T.K.
Devimon: A lanky-armed banker who rules File Island on top of Infinity Mountain. He controls the Black Gears, which are effectively drugs to mess up good Digimon and turn them into villains. He has a red figner which has been injected with every known drug in the world and when he stabs a person with it, namely Leomon, they are drugged up into becoming mindless servants. Devimon drugs himself with the Black Gears and grows into a giant size and thrashes the Digidestined until he is stopped by an overdose of his finger. He is taken to Celebrity Rehab by Myotismon, and after a grueling thirteen years is released. He decided to become a lifeguard afterwards. However, the whirlpool where he is sitting was very hot and he died of third-degree burns.
Etemon/MetalEtemon: A fan of Elvis Presley, Etemon rules part of the continent of Fanservice and thinks he is a big rockstar, when he is, in reality, a buff, retarded monkey man wearing shades. His minions are a bunch of brainless dinosaurs and loveable rabbits. Etemon attempts to stop the Digidestined from gaining their Tamagotchi upgrades but is defeated by MetalGreymon, who blasts him and the HAL 9000 into oblivion. However, Etemon gets an upgrade and comes back as MetalEtemon, twice as stupid. He gets his shiny metal ass handed to him by SaberLeomon and Zudomon (aka the Trouble Duo).
Myotismon: He is the 47th President of the United States as well as a demon lord and a vampire. Myotismon is voted the best villain in the show by the poll in Seventeen Magazine. He desparatly wishes to find the eighth Digidestined, who will destroy him. He takes a bunch of villains to Tokyo where he conquers the city with a fog and ghosts before kidnapping Kari. He is so badass, taking on all of the Digidestined's partners and even goes as far as killing Wizardmon. This prompts Gatomon to digivolve into Angewomon (how does a cat transform into an angel?) and she kills Myotismon with kindness. An arrow full of kindness, that is. However, he is resurrected as a giant monster named VenomMyotismon who has another monster where he testicles should be (Zork?). He is killed yet again when he is blasted in the balls/monster by WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon. However, he survives again and possesses the body of a man named Oikawa who becomes the main villain of Season 2, the sinister MaloMyotismon. (Get his name? It's like a bad Myotismon! Wait, wasn't the original Myotismon bad?) He gets p.o.ed and kills Arukenimon and MichaelJacksonMummymon, and then covers Earth and Digital World in darkness. However, he is ultimately defeated again by stupid kids talking about how they wish to grow up, and is then nuked by Imperialdramon. His term in office ran from 1999 to 2001.
DemiDevimon: Myotismon's faithful bat sidekick. He has a big mouth and is basically annoying. Thankfully, he is gangraped by Gatomon and then eaten alive by VenomMyotismon.
The Dark Masters: Four evil Digimon who take over the Digital World whilst the Digidestined fight Myotismon in Japan. They basically nuked and raped the Digital World into a giant twisted phallic symbol called Spiral Mountain. They all fight the Digidestined, who wind up killing them all. There is MetalSeadramon, a giant metallic sea snake who laughs like a dufus and fires shoop-da-woops from his nose; he is killed by WarGreymon. Next is Puppetmon, the best of the four who is an evil version of Pinocchio hellbent on killing people for fun; he is sadly killed by MetalGarurumon. Machinedramon is a bit cardboard but awesome machine of death, who is sliced up like an onion. The leader is a crazy homosexual clown named Piedmon who likes throwing swords around and turning people into keychains, but dislikes blowing up his doors since it costs him a fortune to buy new ones. He is sealed into the Gate of Destiny by MagnaAngemon.
Apocalymon: The last villain who is apparently the source of all of the villains. He is beaten in five seconds flat.
Season Two
Daisuke(Davis)Motomiya: A clone of that Joe created from Tai and Matt's DNA. He gets a dragon Digimon but it was quickly reduced in size because of Japan's failing economy.
Miyako (Yolei) Inoue :The geek of the group. She follows Izzy in his hacking ways, and is one of Mimi's more common clients. Her Digimon is a Native American bird.
Iori (Cody) Hida: A failed attempt to make A Shota. The secret lover of Takeru.
Ken Ichijouji: Is initially a villain who tries to take over the world by building copies of the Washington Monument. After he realizes that this doesn't work he joins the group as a hero. Then goes on a killing spree in the last episode.
In this season, the villains are a giant tit spider, Micheal jackson, and a guy who really likes kids.
Tamers
Takato Matsuki : He never payed attention in school; he would always just draw random pictures of dinosaurs. That's bad, right? Actually, he gets his very own digimon out of it. That just shows kids that if you don't pay attention in class, you can get a dinosaur!! He's really young, and goes to the digital world for some reason.
Jenrya Lee (Henry)Takato's Seme : He is Chinese and the smart one of the group. Stereotype, much? Henry tries throughout the season to be a main character, but is thwarted by Takato at every turn.
Ruki Rika Makino: She's an emo girl with a t-shirt with a broken heart on it. The first 9 episodes, she is seen reading Twilight books. She eventually starts to battle with her trusty pal Renamon (I could throw some furry joke in here, but I'm going to take the high road). Near the end of the series, Breaking Dawn came out, and she became a recluse yet again.
Jeri Kato : She whines A LOT. She keeps complaining for a long time, and eventually gets a digimon! But, Beelzemon quickly kills it afterward. Terriermon eventually kills her in a fit of wanton rage.
Beelzemon : His name is a clever wordplay on "Beelzebub". Yes, that's the word they use in the Wayne's World song. Anyway, he spends the first part of the series as an annoying arsonist with a bad Brooklyn accent. He then makes a deal with the devil and becomes immensely stronger/eviler. From there, he starts killing many digimon, but quickly realizes that all he ever wanted to be was a Greaser. He finds a motorcycle and begins his dream. Soon afterward, he meets up with the Digipals. He starts his Fonzie impersonation, but Leomon critiques his performance. As a result, he fuckin kills Leomon. Later, he finds an arm gun, grows a pair of wings, and is suddenly cool.
Calumon : This thing is way too adorable. I mean, even adorable for anime. Anyway, it turns out to be a pretty big plot influence. The triangles on his head oddly match the triangles on Guilmon. Was there a little digi affair there? You digitell me. Anyway, you never find out whether Calumon is a digi-boy or a digi-girl, but it doesn't really digi-matter.
Terriermon : Basically, he's a bunny WITH A HORN! As he digivolves, he gets an insane amount of ammunition. He later becomes massive, like a transformer, and can measure up to the highest skyscraper in the city. He is the "funny bunny" of the group and is always around to say "momentai" whenever needed. Nobody thinks his phrase is funny or relevant at all. This is how he digivolves:
Testicles --> A blob with spikes --> Rabbit who tells good jokes --> Gunbunny --> Gundam --> Transformer
This is how she digivolves:
Adorable --> Furry --> A better Ninetales --> A Priestess --> Armoured human with a pointy stick
Good
- He helped create Firefly.
- He created rain.
- He sang a duet with Frank Sinatra.
- He save the human and the digimon world.
- He brought Jessica Alba to stardom.
Bad
- He was McCain's campaign manager.
- He cut your break lines.
- He made the Knight Rider remake.
- He renamed you Eddy.
- He brought Jessica Alba to stardom.
- He made Final Fantasy X-2. HE MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS!
This is how he digivolves:
Adorable --> Guilmon --> Giant dinosaur that somehow has hair --> Robot Dinosaur ---> retarded jouster with a shield
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|---> Fucking awesome Evil Snake Dinosaur
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|---> Your Grandmother
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|---> Michael Jackson (R.I.P.)
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|---> A better digimon
Frontier
Well, this season is basically a stereotype pool.
The Main Guy : He has the typical protagonist goggles. And, he has the power of fire, I think, and evolves into Burningfiremon. He likes to shout a lot. It's really hard to tell with the whole "THEY ARE THEIR OWN DIGIMON" plot line. After the end of the series he gets a job cooking hamburgers.he can turn into a standing hairy lion.....and then an wild silver wacky birdy....and then a standing wild silver wacky hairy lion birdy with guns....and then an fire emperor kaiser kicker....and then into a nipple monster..
The Moody Guy that is Stronger than the Main Guy, but Somehow a Secondary Character : He is probably the strongest of all the characters, but his powers are severely weakened by the gay bandanna that he always wears. He evolves into Superfoxfightermon, a fox-thing that starts out with swords, but eventually gets a giant gun, just like Carmine.he can turn into a standing saber wolf....and then a silver blade wolf...and then a hewro with a saber wolf standing guy....and then a thin wolf with a mechanical arm with gunand.....and then into a nipple monster..
The Girl : She's the whore of the group. She doesn't ever really "fight" bad digimon; She just removes her clothing garments. If you look carefully, she's doing somebody in every scene she's in. Seriously. When she does evolve she turns into Ladyunderwearmon and does a hip thrust
The Fat Kid : He spends most of the series eating and pouring honey on his knees. From time to time, he does "digivolve" into an Electricbeetlethingmon. Sadly, his only attack is the Truffle Shuffle.
The Child : The only reason he is in here is to appeal to the shows younger audience. So, basically 98% of the viewers. He doesn't really fight at all. He can "digivolve" into Tinysnowbearmon, but all it does is get picked on by all the polar bears in the show. Actually, there are a surprising amount of polar bears in this show...
