Diego Maradona
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“But it's SPORT. Who gives a shit?”
“Cheating little prick”
~ Elizabeth II on Maradona knocking England out of 1986 World Cup in Mexico
“WHO?”
~ Kombie on Diego Maradona
“I like netball... wait am I going off topic?”
~ Diego Maradona on football
Diego Maradona born (Diego Maricona December 11, 1911) to mataco indian parents immigrants from Chaco, is a well known football impersonator and drugs peddlar from Argentina. His exploits have included selling drugs to famous footballers at Barcelona, Napoli {where he worked for the Cosa Nostra) and Boca Juniors. He was once impersonated whilst doing an impersonation by the greatest footballer of all time, Robert Cornthwaite. He is the inventor of the game, Handball. Maradona was married to ugly fake blonde Claudia Villafañe whith whom has 2 daughters, who are supposed to have undergone sex change surgeries in some moment of their childhood. He is God almighty and is the only man alive known to have survived a round-house kick from Chuck Norris
Contents |
[edit] Early Drug Peddling Career
Diego first found himslef attracted to drugs when he was found out for cheating at football. Having handballed a ball into the opposing schools net, he was so humiliated that he immediately accepted some cocaine off another classmate. This so-called schoolmate was actually Pele in disguise, knowing he would get Diego 'The Argentinian Mudda Fucka' Maradona hooked on it, and ruin his fat belly. Oooooooh.
Drugs rapidly drove him by the dark side, as he began scoring goals with his hand (La Mano de Dios) while smoking "un toco" (marijuana).
[edit] Diego, Diego, Diego.. why did you think coaching would be the next step
'Gordo Puto' as he is known as in some regions of Argentina, broke hearts when he decided to take over as coach of the national team. Maybe he took a line too many when he decided to be coach. One fateful day in La Paz, Bolivia a lack of defensive knowledge came apparent when he saw his team embarrassed 6-1. The biggest defeat in Argentine football history.. he duely blamed the altitude, strangely this didnt affect the Venezuela team a week later who beat Bolivia in the same stadium 1-0...
[edit] Career Change
In 1986, Diego Maradona decided on a career change. In precisely the 46th minute of Argentina's World Cup quarter final match against England, Maradona decided to switch from football to European Handball. The move proved a success, as Maradona's Argentina went on to win one of the most bizarre World Cups in European Handball history. Maradona is now said to be a drugs cheat
[edit] Joining DX
On Wednesday 14th of October 2009, Maradona arose speculation after he told the journalisits he had two words for them and they can SUCK IT, DX's leader Shawn Michaels confirmed the news the next day and officially declared Maradona as DX's newest member, with Maradona at their side DX completly dominated their oppositions with Maradona's Knockout puch using his Hand of God, on the other hand Maradona fired his assistant Bilardo and assigned his stable mates as the new trainers for Argentina where they can learn the players new techniques like the Super Kick and Knee kick.
[edit] Quotes
"Coppola es tan vivo que puede fumar abajo del agua"
"Me cortaron las piernas"
"Ese le toma la leche al gato"
"Do a barrel roll!"
"La Dalma acá"
"Se le escapó la tortuga"
"Ehh, la pelota no se mancha papa"
"Yo nunca probe las drogas..."
"Soy mas grande que DIOS y LOS BEATLES"
"¡Caramba! ¡Qué pesadelo! Creo que estoy bebendo... mucho Guaraná Antarctica."
"Yo... Me pude haber equivocado... pero la pelota... la pelota no se mancha!."
"Me la como y que?!."
'just one more... for the road'
'hand, naaaa it was my head, honest'
'I know i will put Messi in goal, he can do anything... genius!'
