Die

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(What To Do If You Die)
(How to Not Die)
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==How to Not Die==
 
==How to Not Die==
 
After decades of searching, the same government scientists who discovered [[die|die]] have also concluded that there is no way to not die. All the evidence points to one startling fact: die is the only thing that everybody wants to do. Because everyone DOES die, and because most people generally do as they want, logically, most people want to die. The researchers conclude that people who try to not die are among the unhappiest people on Earth, because they are trying to do what they don't want to.
 
[[image:Totenkopf.jpeg|thumb|right|This guy is smiling cause he DIED.]]
 
This has been proved in other ways besides logic, too. In the simulations known as video games, thousands of players cooperated for years in an experiment where their characters attempt to not die. After 10 years of the simulation, 99.999999 percent of all players had "died" at least once. The lone holdout, former Atari 2600 owner Gustav Jones with 1,256,034 kills and 0 dies, failed to go online for a week in April 2009, and was discovered dead in his mother's basement. The autopsy revealed that the trauma of being deprived of die in the simulation caused Jones's own DNA to compensate by disintegrating.
 
   
 
==What To Do If You Die==
 
==What To Do If You Die==

Revision as of 13:08, February 10, 2010

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