From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Whoa! Oh wow this is painful. It's like... well imagine there's this abandoned tin shack in Mexico where a bunch of killer bees made a hive and they get into the hive through this little hole that's rusted into the side of the shack, then one day while the bees are off somewhere you destroy their hive and replace it with your butt up to the rusty hole as a joke, then the bees come back and try to fly into their nest but they find out it's not there and they think your joke is totally unfunny. It's like that. That was not a very good quote but I can't really think of anything better with all this searing ass pain.”There are many misconceptions about diarhea. First of all, Many consider it a disease. Secondly, some consider it a bad thing. In truth, diarhea is an essential part of weight loss. Many famous pop stars are diarheacs, such as Jennifer Lopez, Ashley Olsen, Hannah Montana, and Lindsay Lohan. Many conspiracy theorists such as Ghandi, and pope benedict the third say that Paris Hilton is a Diarheac. Yet, most people are opposed to these corrupt ideas. Diarhea has a long and dark history in our planet, which is seen below:
Origin of diarhea
Diarhea was a genetic augumentation created in taco bell in the year 2045 BC used to speed up creation of bean burritos. Apparently, the fast food slaves weren't creating enough produce to keep up with the flow of customers. Diarhea was originally synthesized by Paul Muller, who later used this chemical composition to kill insects. He was a low-class chef in taco bell and wanted to impress his boss in order to get a raise. His boss used the formula and created diarhea, and bean burrito production increased one-hundredfold. The critics were impressed with this. Of course, many people noticed how the slave workers could still eat and lose weight like crazy with diarhea, and it became a large trend. Wars started over the formula, since so many wanted it.
This was the long struggle between the english and the french more well known as the 100 years war that was started because of a fight over the diarhea formula. Of course, these days, a fight over diarhea would seem prepostorous, and anyone who would think of fighting over it would seem like a fool. The english and the french Were so humiliated by this fact that they covered up the whole thing with some sham about religious ideals and territorial disputes and what not.
The crap compromise
In order to settle disputes over diarhea, The english and the French made sure everyone had a chance to be infected with diarhea by putting the formula in rivers, lakes, mosquitos, and other sources from which we can contract diarhea today. And there was a big "Huzzah!" Heard across the world. They put the largest store of diarhea in Mexico, kept, and worshipped by the aztecs themselves. This was where the pope had to interject. Continued in the next episode of Diarhea!!!
After thousands of years of shitting and eating that shit, people began to question the whole point and the morals behind it. The pope was the first to do so. He thought "Why are we bathing in our own shit?!!! It's fucking Disgusting!!!" Of course, many consider this speech to be heresy, and so the written record of this speech was removed from the vatican archives and placed in the dark reaches of hollywood; The vatican knew that this speech could later be used in a blockbuster movie. Then people began noticing how disgusting eating shit was. Just listen to your nose! At this time, around 1500 AD, people all began to actually use their nose. This is because before then, no one ever thought of picking their nose, so they got so stuffed up, they couldn't smell. The pope at the time, however, had a strange, never before seen, tendency of picking it. He was the first human being to smell. After a long speech, the pope had replaced eating shit with picking noses. So, whenever you see someone picking their nose, realize that they are holy people, and that you must worship them, since they are holy people. Do not throw stones at them and call them dorks, drop to your knees and bow to them. After all, they are holy messengers.
The Chemical Formula of Diarhea
Most people, like Ghandi and the pope say that this should have been the first section of the article. Others say that it should be here instead. Why is it here? check on more about positions of sections at your local abandoned warehouse. I'm sure they have books on that somewhere in those large warehouses. Anyways, on to the formula. The chemical formula for diarhea looks like so: E-A2hy64shIt<y0u-r3Pa7nt-s<H2O-A<3H<A!--H<-=A!^2
Later, another, more simple method for creating diarhea was invented. The newer formula looked like so: P0-24oPY^2
Diarhea in food today?
Even today, using diarhea to create food is popular. See Poop Cuisine. There is also a restaurant called the Poop Palace that serves poop inspired dishes. A restaurant called Caesar Sneezer Pizza Pleaser uses diarrhea in their secret sauce. They are located in California and other popular cities.
How can I get Diarhea without having to drink diarhea infected water or injecting myself with it?
- Masturbate with soap and shit on your hand
- Masturbate and shove a diarhea covered piece of wood up anal cavity
- poop twice
- Listen to simple plan
- Listen to Fall Out Boy