Diaper

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“The minute I saw a pair of GoodNites on the store shelf, I raced straight home to try them on and forgot that I hadn't even paid for them!”
~ Oscar Wilde in diapers
“I swear, I have never worn those silly things in all my life.”
~ Pathological liar on diapers
“Toilet training is so last millennium.”
~ Nine-year-old child explaining why diapers are cool

“Maybe Brian could explain why I would spend äctual money on täp-water that comes

from Vichy....Vi-chy...Vi-chy...It does sound like my nyäppies when the fät män forgets to remove them.”
~ Stewie on nappies
Diaper

That's how stupid and ready-to-sue-everyone-in-sight the average American has become.

Diapers are fluffy, soft, padded, absorbent, and comfortable undergarments. They are normally worn by babies, but adult girls have also been known to wear them on a regular basis instead of panties, as they claim that diapers are more comfortable and sexier. Any person who wears a diaper is bound to get stimulated to the point of wetting or soiling the diaper because its comfort is so overwhelming.* Many adults find diapers more convenient than using the toilet.

Types

There are now five types: cloth, disposable, wood plastic, and metal diapers. Disposable ones tend to be the more comfortable because they are tighter, snugger, but not as padded. They also look considerably sexier than traditional cloth diapers. Additionally, they make a crinkling noise that is rather attractive. Wood diapers provide a stylish twist on the original, but tend to be very uncomfortable due to their square construction. However, the plastic ones are for those who desire that their diaper experience is a quiet one. Although they are best worn when it is hot because they will ensure that the wearer does not fall asleep. The new trend on the market is the metal diaper. They are specifically fun if you have a huge magnet, the type used at a junk yard. That is a great way to get exercise. However, they tend to leak and rust just a bit. For a more detailed list, see "Kinds of Diapers."

Construction

Cloth diapers are not as comfortable as disposable ones, so its construction will not be discussed.

Disposable diapers are made with a special kind of padding that is extra soft and extra padded. The padding is reinforced in the crotch area, as that is the area most needed to be stimulated. Essentially, diapers have built-in sanitary napkins in the crotch area, so the pad is merely part of the underwear as a whole. The legholes of most diapers have frilly-looking leg gathers that look somewhat babyish, prompting many people to think that diapers are only for babies. Additionally, in order to spark further arousal, delicate, crinkly paper-like material is placed inside the diaper to tickle a person and to make the sexy crinkling sound. The disposable diapers are made so snug and tight so that a person will have a tremendously difficult time removing it, almost forcing a person to wet the diaper. Additionally, the diaper is intentionally built to be excessively comfortable (soft and well-padded, yet still having enough delicate fibers to be flimsy and delicate - a seemingly impossible combination) so that people will be forced to wet.

There is the traditional plain diaper with tape on the sides. Then, there is the Pull-Up, which tends to fit more like regular panties. This may be more appealing to those who are new to the diaper experience.

How to Wear

Diapers are generally worn by infants to catch their urine and fecal waste, as they are all incontinent. During toilet-training, children "upgrade" from regular diapers to Pull-Ups, and in later years, if any children have bedwetting problems, they use products like GoodNites. But just because they wear them does not mean they will have a good night.

Some people, primarily teenagers, however wear diapers for sexual pleasure. Upon discovering masturbation, many males and females seek diapers, among other things, to use as an aid for masturbation. Some satisfy their sexual fetishes by peeing and pooing in their diapers, while others do not and simply enjoy the experience of wearing diapers without peeing or pooing in them. Even more so, many girls have chosen to wear diapers instead of tampons during their periods. So now girls will wear them full time so they don't have to worry about miscalculating their period. Although they can cause a stir when the girls go swimming.

For those using diapers for sexual purposes, wear the diaper so that it is visible (especially if you wear a skirt...ensure that an upskirt view is possible). Do not make it overly visible, though. Just wear it like normal underwear and hope people notice. When wearing a diaper ensure that you pee and poop in it till it is full. While wearing the diaper, bend over a lot exposing your diaper for all to see. If you use the diaper in public, you should make it very obvious and smush your diaper against your bottom after using it. For added pleasure, don't change the diaper but leave it until your have diaper rash. Don't change when you poop so you can provide an air freshener to those who are around you. They will beg you to stay and keep them company.

Sometimes people do it for an indirect sexual pleasure. Not for someone else but just to do it because it feels good. Wetting the bed purpously may have a minor substitute, but does not give as much pleasure as diapers.

Recommended for wearing with a diaper is a schoolgirl uniform with a short skirt, as this enhances not only the girl's sexual arousal, but also that of the boys around her. Frilly diapers further magnify this effect, and the wearer can expect anywhere from 30 to 40% more passes than her unfrilly counterpart.

Diapers may be worn with pantyhose on but stockings and thigh highs are better. Or just wear socks.

Dangers

Along with the positive points for girls who wear diapers come some rather unpleasant, negative ones. Girls must constantly be on guard against these situations and be ready for them, or else be ready to face some rather disagreeable consequences.

One of these dangers is the job interview. No matter how much a girl enjoys wearing a diaper and wetting herself, she should never do this at an interview for a position that she really wants, especially if the interviewer is one of those wizened little old stick-in-the-mud fudds whose mind is so ossified that it cannot accept any concept not already within his limited experience. You can be sure that he'll never get his pointy little head around the idea of a young lady preferring to use a diaper rather than the toilet. Wetting during the interview is bad enough. You'll kill the poor old bastard if you ask him to change you, though. You really won't get the job then. Most companies have a policy against hiring anyone who causes the interviewer to suffer a myocardial infarction, even if it's a lovely young lady who has just wet herself, and they tend to be rather averse to a candidate if she then asks a responding paramedic to change her, although he'll probably do it without much fuss unless the old josser isn't quite dead yet and he has to work on him.

Also to be avoided is wearing a diaper at the Royal Garden Party, even though all the royal and noble ladies do. Hypocritical though it may therefore be, this is considered opprobriously bad manners and will likely result in one's never winning a gong from the Queen. Also, if Prince Andrew is there and catches you wetting yourself, he'll have the footmen carry you to his room in the Palace, where he'll change you, and probably whomp you, too. So look out. They don't call him Randy Andy for nothing, you know. It is interesting to note that Fergie never wore diapers, and this kinda pissed Andy off, as it were. That's why they got divorced. If Prince Philip catches you at it, though, there's no need to worry. He'll just walk on by with his hands clasped behind his back repeatedly bowing at people. That's all he ever does.

A further danger is wearing diapers at airport security or at customs and immigration when entering a country. Cute young ladies in diapers are routinely strip-searched by male guards, ostensibly because diapers are such a good place to stash a little dope, but several studies have concluded that the officers just like changing wet girls' diapers. Airport security officers, on the other hand, claim that the practice arose from an incident in 1967, when, on a flight to Miami, a dishy, darling little Cuban number named Juanita Pañales Mojados lifted her skirt, pulled a Kalashnikov assault rifle out of her diaper and ordered the flight crew to divert to Havana. She was disarmed, though, after she wet herself and foolishly allowed the captain to change her. The far-reaching fallout from this incident was not limited to airport security's increased stringency in the face of diaper-wearing girls; even Fidel Castro had something to say. He forbade young women in Cuba to wear diapers, not because it was contrary to Marxist teachings or anything quite so namby-pamby as that, but because his girlfriend wouldn't wear them, and he was damned if anyone in Cuba would have the pleasure if he couldn't. The penalty for a woman found defying Castro's edict was to be forced to wear the same diaper for a month without ever taking it off. So much for his egalitarian socialist utopia, I guess.

Moreover, if you are Catholic, be very careful about wearing a diaper to Confession. Under a little known bull, and it was an absolute load of bull if you ask me, issued by the little known Pope Douglas XXVII in 1246, it is a sin in Catholicism for a young lady to wet herself. Therefore, it simply won't do to cross yourself, say "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned..." and then proceed to flood your diaper, especially if the priest can hear or smell it. You will not be granted absolution! In all likelihood, the upshot will be your excommunication. Furthermore, there is the danger that the priest will burst through the grille and try and change you, and if he does, the church canons will shoot at anyone who tries to make his misdeed public.

It is dangerous for a young lady to visit certain countries if she insists on wearing a diaper. Cuba has already been mentioned (Raúl has never rescinded his brother's edict), but there are other destinations that present problems for ladies who wet themselves. It is unlawful for young women to wear a diaper in India, for example. The penalty for this is for the offender to have a pot of hot curry poured down the front of her diaper. Not only is this highly uncomfortable and messy, but it is also damn nearly impossible to get the smell out of your naughty hair (it might be a good idea to shave before heading to India). In Japan, where heaven knows omorashi is so wildly popular, the danger comes not from the law, but from the legions of omorashi fans who love a girl who wets herself. You'll have all kinds of otherwise jaded, dour Japanese businessmen following you around in Tokyo in throngs, waiting for you to do just that, and a foreign devotee of omorashi is always particularly admired. In Kazakhstan, a very conservative country, there exists a law requiring any woman who wishes to wear a diaper to wear nothing but the diaper. Consequently, out of their traditional modesty, few women there wear diapers, at least not in public. It is necessary for female visitors to confine their diaper wearing to their hotel rooms. In Bulgaria, wetting diapers is very popular among young women, so much so that it has placed a strain on the country's limited resources, leading to diaper shortages in many parts of the country. When visiting Bulgaria, either keep your habit a secret (as you must in Kazakhstan), or be prepared to be besieged by hordes of young women looking to obtain a few extra diapers. On the up side, gentlemen looking for some entertainment – nudge nudge wink wink – will find easy pickings in downtown Sofiya in the central square where the diaper seekers gather in droves, wearing only a T-shirt and a diaper, to beg for extra diapers. Take a pack or two along, guys. You'll have lots of fun.

To be borne in mind as well is that teaching is one profession in the execution of which a diaper should never be worn. There are several reasons for this. First of all, a young woman teacher wearing a frilly diaper up her skirt will attract unwanted attention from the principal. Principals' wives are uniformly cold, unresponsive, ugly cows, leaving the principal with a bad case of blueballs throughout his career, and you can be sure that everything that he has learnt about how male-female relations in the workplace are fraught with danger has been cast lock, stock and barrel out his office window. If such a teacher is summoned to the principal's office, it will likely not be for a dressing-down, but rather an undressing – either his or yours, possibly both – with its attendant consequences. And boy, will there ever be consequences if the secretary barges in and catches you two at it. Among other things, she'll demand to have her diaper changed, too. It just won't do to have a ménage à trois in the office. This really puts school superintendants' noses out of joint – because, of course, they weren't invited. Another reason is the staff room. You'll have all the male teachers, even that crinkled old codger who teaches calculus, waiting in silence and watching you, ready to jump up and offer to change you once you wet yourself. The whole group of them is likely to drag you to the sickroom, kick out any student who really is ill, tell the school nurse to scram (or if she's diapered, order her to get in line), and subject you to a "changing frenzy". Incontrovertibly, the greatest danger of all with regard to wearing diapers while teaching – especially in high school – is that classroom discipline can become absolutely impossible to establish, let alone maintain. Not even one of the male students will be able to concentrate on his lessons while looking at a diaper-clad teacher, wondering if she's wet herself, and daydreaming about changing her. They'll all have such hards on – you know what teenage boys are like – that they'll think of nothing else. Well, there is that one boy near the back who likes to press flowers in his home economics textbook, flutters his eyelids a lot and continually ogles the football player who sits next to him, but I guarantee you he's the only exception. Not only will the teacher's male students learn nothing (except perhaps how to stroke off in class without anyone noticing), but if the department head appears at the door only to see 15 to 20 pairs of hands descend to crotches to hide the rather embarrassing bulges, questions may be raised about the teacher's competence.

Statistics

A 2002 survey showed that 80% of girls who wore diapers got more dates than those that only wore panties. Furthermore, 100% of the girls that wore diapers claimed that they felt a lot more comfortable and sexier than in panties. A similar survey showed that only 20% of guys who wore diapers got more dates, mostly because they were too busy playing console games for hours nonstop.

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